hate Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious hate puns

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

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My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...


I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen









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Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

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I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

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I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

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As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

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Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

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What do you call a cow with two legs?

Irene.

There's no joke here, I just hate that bitch.

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Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

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Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

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I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

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My psychologist told me:

"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."

I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

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Fishermen hate himβ€”you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

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I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

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I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am...

I'm not really a mourning person.

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The Best Actually Racist Joke I know

*I hate myself for repeating this. But I heard this when I was living in Texas.*

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms. One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

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I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

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Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

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Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

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Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

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I got voted "Least Likely To Succeed" by my high school class...

Fuck, I hate being a teacher.

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"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

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Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

'Cause they hate the French press

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I hate people who take drugs...

specifically the DEA and US Customs.

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Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

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Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

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Is it OK to hate certain races?

Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

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I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.

I hate cops.

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A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

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I hate when a girl says the wrong name during sex

They know my name isnt Someone Help

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I hate being bipolar, it's great

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Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no booty.

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I got voted Least Likely To Succeed by my high school class...

I hate being a teacher...

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Is it okay to hate a certain race?

I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

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I hate people that take drugs..

Especially police and customs.

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Why does Donald Trump hate China?

Because it has a bigger wall

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I just got a Christmas card promising lots of anal and oral sex this year...

I fucking hate prison.

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A drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit

He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart.

He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?"
The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir."
The instructor yelled back, "You're going to piss on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!?"
The recruit retorted, "Sir, no way. When I get out of the service, I will not fucking wait in line for anything! Sir."

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Kids are like farts...

I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.

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I love eating babies and smiling

but I hate punctuation

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How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

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My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

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My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

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Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

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I hate those people that knock on your door and tell you how you need to be 'saved' or you will 'burn'....

Fucking firemen

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I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

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I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

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I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

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Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

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I called Shotgun long before anyone else did, but I had to still sit in the back seat.

I hate cops.

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Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

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Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land

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Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves?

Because I do

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A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation...

Before long they're arguing...

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "For what?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "For what?!?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"

Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

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Why do Natives hate snow?

Because its white and settles on their land.

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Congratulations West Ham

The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.

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I hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me.

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I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

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I hate breakups.

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

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I got voted Least Likely To Succeed by my high school class…

God, I hate being a teacher…

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Is it wrong to hate a specific race

Because I really hate marathons

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A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"

The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black bastards."

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I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

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There are three things I hate:

Racists, niggers, and hypocrites.

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I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.

They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

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I hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me

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Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?

She was a lesbian.

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I hate people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"

There so stupid

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I hate being bipolar.

It's awesome

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I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

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I was voted Least likely to Suceed by my high school class.

I hate being a teacher.

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I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

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So a finch asks his mother...

"Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"
She replies, "Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."

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Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert?

Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.

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Guy keeps calling off work on Mondays....

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."

The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

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It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much

Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.

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Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

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I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years.

Do I look like I have a 2020 vision?

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I hate Mexican jokes...

They always cross the line.

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I cry every time after sex

I fucking hate prison.

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3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench... (NSFW)

3 grumpy old men are sitting on a park bench...

First old man says "Oy, I HATE gettin' old. It's getting to now where I can't take a good healthy piss anymore!"

Second old man nods: "You ain't lyin'. Getting old sucks. Just ONCE I wish I could take a big healthy shit like I used to when I was a young man."

Third old man shrugs and says, "Well, fellas I gotta say...every morning - regular - right at 6 o'clock - I take a nice, long piss. And every morning at 7:00 - like clockwork - I take a really big healthy shit...

I sure wish I could wake up before eight."

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Is it wrong to hate an entire race?

I just think marathons are *way* too much running

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Idiot Teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house...

"I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

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I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

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What do broccoli and sex have in common? NSFW

If you were forced to have it as a child you're gonna hate it as an adult.

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I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

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Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

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I hate how funerals are always at 9-10 AM...

I'm not really a mourning person

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I only date black girls

because I hate meeting fathers.

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I hate it when women turn off the light before having sex...

It makes it really difficult for me to see them through the window...

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Is it bad to hate a certain race?

Because I despise the 100 meter

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I hate it when you hold the door open for people

And all they can say is, "Oh fucking hell, I can see you having a shit!"

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What did Donald Trump hate most about school?

Essays.

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To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads.

We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.

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I hate pedophiles.

Those guys are fucking immature assholes.

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Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

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I'm starting to hate the U.S. government

The NSA appears to be the only department which listens

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I hate it when people make fun of the disabled

They can't even stand up for themselves

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Don't you just hate those guys who show up at your door and tell you that you need to be saved or you'll burn?

Fucking firemen.

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Student 1:My name is Sean Archer and my surname represents that my forefathers were Archers

Student 2 : My name is Sarah Baker and my surname represents that my forefathers were Bakers

Student 3 : My name is John Dickinson and I fucking hate this game

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i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

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I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

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I hate Russian dolls

They're so full of themselves

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I hate political jokes

And it disgusts me that two are running for president.

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I hate tacos!

Said no Juan ever.

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I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal

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Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other:

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"

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There are three types of people in the world I hate.

Racists, hypocrites and niggers.

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Don't you just hate it when med students call themselves doctors?

I mean you don't see engineering students calling themselves engineers or arts students calling themselves baristas

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I hate being bipolar

It's great.

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I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like...

"Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"

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I hate Russian dolls...

They're full of themselves.

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I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

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I hate One Direction fans...

Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.

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I hate it when youtubers have really big tit...

les and I click on the video purely to see what they named their video

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I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the most ignorant country in the world

Personally, I think Europe is the most ignorant country in the world.

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I don't quite understand this hate against vegans.

I've never had a beef with them.

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I hate people who take drugs

Mainly customs officers

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Is it wrong to hate a certain race?

I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks

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I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.

Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

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A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are sitting on a bus

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says "man I really hate Chinese people." The Chinese guy goes "why?" And the Jewish guy goes "because you guys bombed Pearl Harbor!" The Chinese guy says "that wasn't us that was the Japanese!" The Jewish guy replies "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese you're all the same!"

So the Chinese guy thinks about this and then says "well you know what? I really hate Jewish people!" And the Jewish guy goes "why?" And the Chinese guy goes "because you guys sunk the titanic!" The Jewish guy says "that wasn't us! That was an iceberg!" The Chinese guy replies "iceberg, Weinberg, Steinberg you're all the same!"

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You know why I hate Russian dolls?

They're so full of themselves

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I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am

I'm not really a mourning person.

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I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of money at me

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to rub it in

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My Dad has the heart of a lion

and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

You'll hate it as an adult if you were forced to have it as a kid.

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"I hate tacos"...

Said no Juan ever

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Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

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I hate it when people mix up Your and You're.

Their so stupid.

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Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

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A genie gives a man three wishes...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

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There's only two things I hate in this world.

Accidentally pressing "submit" when making a post and

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Things I hate: lists, Oxford commas, and irony.ο»Ώ

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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you're gonna hate it as an adult.

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I hate people that need assurance.

You know what I mean?

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Why do the French stink?

So blind people can hate them too

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Don't you hate double standards?

Don't you hate double standards? If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she is called a slut, but when a guy does it he is called a homosexual.

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I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in 5 years......

I don't have 2020 vision

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I hate when people confuse "you're" and "your"

There all idiots

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4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

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A little girl says to her mother "mommy, I hate daddy's guts!"

Her mother replies "shut up and keep eating."

Sorry if this has been posted already, a teacher of mine told my class this and i had to share!

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Is it wrong to hate a specific race?

Because I really hate marathons

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I hate people who make generalisations. They're all hypocrites.

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A smoker, an alcoholic, and a gay guy go see a psychiatrist...

The smoker says, "This filthy habit is ruining my life. My wife hates it, my kids hate it, my grandpa died from it, I just want to quit!"
The alcoholic says,"Alcohol has ruined every relationship I have ever had, I can't even hold down a job, I need to get off the bottle."
The gay guy says, "Ever since I came out, I have lost so many friends, even my family treats me differently. I just want things to back the way they were."
The psychiatrist hands each of them a pill telling them that it is an instant cure, they each gobble them down without thinking twice.
The psychiatrist then says, "The only thing is, if you ever has a smoke again, or if you have another drink again, or if you have any sexual contact with another man again, you will drop dead."
Afterwards, the three of them went to a restaurant, chilled by what the psychiatrist had just told them.
"I can't take this anymore, I need a drink!" The alcoholic goes up to the bar and slams down a shot. Drops dead.
The smoker and the gay guy look at each other in shock. The smoker says, "Oh God this is real, I need some fresh air." They go outside and on the table there is an ashtray which has half of a cigarette, still smoldering. The gay guy looks at the smoker and says, "If you bend over to pick up that cigarette, we're both dead.

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I really hate those russian stacking dolls.

They are so full of themselves.

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Hate when people ask me where I see my self in 3 years time.

I dont have 2020 vision

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What are the best Hate puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Hate? Well, here are the best jokes about Hate to have fun with.

Joko Jokes