The Best 77 Hate Jokes

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

I hate being bipolar.

It's awesome

I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no booty.

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

'Cause they hate the French press

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

I hate being bipolar, it's great

Kids are like farts...

I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.

They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

So a finch asks his mother...

"Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"
She replies, "Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I hate when a girl says the wrong name during sex

They know my name isnt Someone Help

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"

The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black bastards."

Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am...

I'm not really a mourning person.

I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.

I hate cops.

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Congratulations West Ham

The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

I hate people who take drugs...

specifically the DEA and US Customs.

I hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me.

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house...

"I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?

She was a lesbian.

I hate breakups.

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

My psychologist told me:

"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."

I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

Is it wrong to hate a specific race

Because I really hate marathons

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

I hate people that take drugs..

Especially police and customs.

Idiot Teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert?

Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.

Is it okay to hate a certain race?

I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

I love eating babies and smiling

but I hate punctuation

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job.

If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves?

Because I do

Is it OK to hate certain races?

Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Is it wrong to hate an entire race?

I just think marathons are *way* too much running

Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be saved or else you'll burn

Stupid firemen

I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college

I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It's not like I did anything

A British man was talking to his friend about his views on Brexit...

"These bloody immigrants come over here. They're up to no good, right? I hate these bloody immigrants. They need to go back to where they came from."


His friend replies with "But why do you hate them so much?"


The British man replies, "I'll tell you why I hate them, I'll tell you why. It's because they're not even trying to be British. That's why. They don't even TRY to be British. They come here, and bring their own bloody culture. They bring their own food, spit their own bloody languages, try to take over the whole bloody place."

His friend replies with "Well, that sounds British to me"

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he's a bad parallel Parker

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."

Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"

Poodle: "That's not gonna work"

Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"

Poodle: "...No"

Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"

I really hate Norton's security software...

...but please don't call me anti-Symantec

I hate jokes about German sausage

They're the WURST!

My nephews hate my 'dad' jokes

They say I'm very un-cool

I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins.

It just doesn't make cents.

Son: *crying* Santa isn't real!

Me: of course he is!

Son: •sniffle• but I stayed up all night and he didn't come

Me: aw, buddy, •kneels down• he must really hate you then

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just...

...Soda pressing.

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

I really hate people thar take drugs

Especially police and customs officers.