hate Jokes

Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

By age 35 you should hate the last three albums by your favorite band.

What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? "Are you done?"

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their kids have to play inside!

What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? "Honey, I'm home!"

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

I hate jokes about prom. The punch line is always too long.

Wow, this article looks awesome.

*clicks link*

*finds out it's a slideshow*

*throws computer out the window*

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too.

Everybody loves success, but they hate successful people.

I hate the part of the conversation where the other person says things.

If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.

I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man – I hate those people.

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

I hated my job at the fireworks factory, I got fired a lot.

I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny.

I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart... I'm just happy I didn't bite anyone today.

I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

My girl always tells me "Life is about the little things", but I just hate when she talks about her Ex.

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

I love oral sex... it's the phone bill I hate.

The three words most hated by men during sex? "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

I hate peer pressure and you should too.

Other people don't like my queue jumping. Especially when I use my motorcycle.

I hate going on the road, it Drives me crazy.

I hate when people ask for likes... Like if you agree!

The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

I'm at the age where I can't keep up with all the things I hate.

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

I'm experiencing heavy call volumes. Please hang up and never call me again.

I hate when I'm running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it's been 4 minutes.

Man, a tire's life must suck, we seem them rolling, then we hating.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Why don't you throw a rock at a black kid on a bike? You might hit your bike.

Men mostly hate two words: 'not' and 'enough'… unless you say them together.

I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

Did you hear about the pessimist who hates German sausage? He always fears the Wurst.

I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.

I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning... gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?