Hate Jokes

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

I hate how politically correct the world is today

Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no b**....

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

'Cause they hate the French press

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a c**...-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

I hate being bipolar, it's great

Kids are like farts...

I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.

They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I hate when a girl says the wrong name during s**...

They know my name isnt Someone Help

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"

The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."

Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for s**...?

can't wait to get out of prison.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am...

I'm not really a mourning person.

I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.

I hate cops.

Normally I hate those t**..., fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Congratulations West Ham

The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

I hate people who take drugs...

specifically the DEA and US Customs.

I hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me.

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

I hate breakups.

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

My psychologist told me:

"Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."

I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

Is it wrong to hate a specific race

Because I really hate marathons

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

I hate people that take drugs..

Especially police and customs.

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

Is it okay to hate a certain race?

I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's f**... herself again

As the k**... are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

I love eating babies and smiling

but I hate punctuation

I hate when people don't leave a s**... note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves?

Because I do

Is it OK to hate certain races?

Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

s**... firemen.

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be saved or else you'll burn

s**... firemen

I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college

I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It's not like I did anything

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he's a bad parallel Parker

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."

Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"

Poodle: "That's not gonna work"

Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"

Poodle: "...No"

Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

There are two types of people I hate.

1. Racists

2. The French

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday.

You won't catch me doing that today.

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I don't know why people hate China. I love it and can't say I have a whole lot wrong with it.

It just s**... they've been stuck on that island for so long.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just for upvotes…

You won't catch me doing that today.

I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them.

You won't catch me doing that today.

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

You know why I hate elevators?

Half the time they are up to something, the other half they are just bringing you down. I should really start taking steps to avoid them..

You're offered $50,000, but if you accept it the person you hate the most in the entire world will get $100,000. You taking it?

Yes why wouldn't I want $150,000.

I have a friend who always subtly mentions that he went to MIT

I simply hate his behavior. He'd somehow figure out a way to drop it into a conversation just to let people know he's an MIT alumni.

He's always been like this. Even when we were in college together.

I hate it when people use "you're" and "your" incorrectly

There so dumb

My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them

I did that, and it really worked! But I'm wondering, what do I do with the letters?

I hate when people call me a Kleptomaniac

I prefer... 'Man of STEAL'

What do r**... from the South & a**... from Boston have in common?

They both hate the Yankees!

If someone who hates Christmas is called a Grinch...

what do you call someone who hates Valentine's Day?

Single.

A mom walks into her son's room one morning...

Mom: "Wake up, or you'll be late for school."

Son: "I don't want to go to school today!"

M: "Why not?"

S: "Because all the kids hate me!"

M: "But you have to go."

S: "But all the teachers hate me too!!!"

M: "Oh, for crying out loud. Get up! You're 45 years old and you're the principal!"

How do I say I hate you in a nice way?

"You are the Monday of my life".

Happy Monday ya'll.

I hate being schizophrenic

So do I

I hate being indecisive.

Or do I?

I hate it when people use metaphors that are physically impossible.

It makes my blood boil.