hat Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hat puns

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

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A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

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What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift

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My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians

So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

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A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a sexy woman, the hat would lift by itself."

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A man is sunbathing on a nude beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important organ with a hat.

A woman passes by and notices the hat.

She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."

The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

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An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

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A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but pants...

The host asks: "What are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I am a premature ejaculation!"

To which the host replies: "Interesting... But why are you not wearing a shirt or shoes or a hat or anything else?"

The man says: "Well I just came in my pants!"

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What did the Bra say to the Hat?

You go on ahead, I'll give these 2 a lift.

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I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size

Oops, wrong thread

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What did the Bra say to the Hat?

You go on ahead while i give these two a lift.

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"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"

"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began

"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"

Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.

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Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?

That makes it cap sized

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fishing by the river

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

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Naked sunbathing....

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."

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Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels?

He had a bounty on his head.



...I'll see myself out. :-/

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A man lies naked on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully nude. The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would raise itself, if you weren't that ugly."

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A man walked into a bar with a sandwich taped to his head

The bartender said, "Why the hell do you have a sandwich taped to your head?"
The man said, "My family always wears a sandwich hat on Wednesdays."
The bartender said, "It's Tuesday."
The man hung his head in shame and said, "Gosh, I must look pretty silly right now, then."

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When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."

This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,

"D, eh."

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A woman gets pulled over by a state trooper...

As the Officer walks up to her window and flips open his little book the lady says: "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper ball, aren't you?" The Officer looks at her with a puzzled look on his face and says: "but ma'am, state troopers don't have balls." There was a silence, the officer tipped his hat, turned around, got back in his car, and drove away.

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It was time to name Canada

All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.

The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"

The next drew, "N, eh?"

Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"

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A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:

"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."

To which the man replies:

"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

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How did they name Canada?

They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

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What did the bra said to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift!

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Louisiana State Trooper

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana state trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana State Trooper's Ball". He replied, "Louisiana state troopers don't have balls". There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

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What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

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A Very Nice Golfer

There are two men playing golf, at the end of the range you can see a funeral procession going by. As the hearse drives by followed by a few cars one man kneels down, takes off his hat and puts it over his heart, and says a prayer.

The man next to him says, "Well that's the nicest thing I've ever seen a golfer do!" The man stands up says "Well it's the least I could do, I was married to her for 35 years..."

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I found a hat with £17.50 in it

I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.


But he was to busy juggling.

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Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

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A hat and a tie are out running

The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."

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I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

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Sunbathing gentleman

A man sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, 'if you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat.' He raised an eyebrow and replied, 'if you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself'

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Job Fatality in Ireland

An Irish woman is making supper when she hears a knock on the cottage door. It's the priest and he has his hat in his hand, looking solemnly at the ground.

She's says "oh no, it's bad news isn't it father!"

"Yes, tis" says the priest.

"About my husband?? is he dead, father?" She gasps.

"There was a terrible accident at the brewery, he fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"

"Was it a quick death, father?"

"Truth be told, he got out 3 times to pee"

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There is a man lying on the beach...

There is a man lying butt naked on the beach with only a hat covering his genitals. A lady walks past and says;
"If you were any kind of man, you would lift your hat to a lady!"
The man then says;
"Yes, and if you were any kind of lady, the hat would lift itself!"

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Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

As Frank gets set to take his swing, a funeral procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."

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What are the most funny Hat jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hat? Well, here are the best Hat dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hat pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes