Hat Jokes
123 hat jokes and hilarious hat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny hat jokes. From silly jokes to puns, we've got all the jokes you need to put a smile on your face.
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Funniest Hat Short Jokes
Short hat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hat humour may include short cap jokes also.
- Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
- My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his vietnam Veteran hat
- I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
- I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
- My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
- I found a hat with $17.50 in it and I thought this other guy was going to pick it up but... ...he was too busy juggling.
- I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size Oops, wrong thread
- Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
- Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
...I'll see myself out. :-/ - A hat and a tie are out running The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."
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Hat One Liners
Which hat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hat? I can suggest the ones about fedora and cowboy hat.
- What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift
- How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.
- What do you call a lion with a fancy hat? A dandy lion.
- Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- What do you call a gold fish wearing a top-hat? Sofishticated
- If you turn a boat over you can wear it as a hat It's capsized
- What did one hat say to the other? "You stay here, I'll go on ahead...."
- What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I'll go on ahead.
- What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion
- Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes.
- Did you know you can turn a canoe over and use it as a hat? Because it's Cap-sized.
- Did you hear about the magician that tortured his props? He pulled a hat out of a rabbit.
- What did the toupee say to the hat? Cover me, I'm going on ahead.
- Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats? It's a little gnome fact.
Hat Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny hat day jokes and even better hat day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So an LGBTQ group plan a meeting one day. And the leader of the group asks: What's on the agenda?
One of the group members stand up and say: A top hat. Thanks for noticing! - My Grandfather always told me "never wear animal skin hats in the woods during hunting season" One day I asked him why and he said "Other hunters might try and make conversation with you"
- I saw a guy wearing a stovepipe hat the other day... ...so I said, "Hey! Abraham Lincoln called and he wants..." Then I realized, they didn't have phones in the mid 1800s.
- I saw a pirate walking down the street the other day I said to him
"that's an awesome outfit, but where are your buccaneers?"
He replied
"They're under my buckin hat!" - A pencil puts on a hat and turns to another pencil and says, "this hat looks terrible doesn't it?" The other pencil days, "it does, but I don't see your point."
Cowboy Hat Jokes
Here is a list of funny cowboy hat jokes and even better cowboy hat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a a cowboy car salesman say *tips hat* Audi
- Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side? So they can fit three in the pickup.
- Did you hear about the brown paper bag cowboy? He had a brown paper bag hat, brown paper bag boots, a brown paper bag shirt, and a pair of brown paper bag pants. He was arrested. For rustling.
- Where do Arabians with cowboy hats gather? Howdy Arabia
- I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling!
- A stick insect walks into a bank A stick insect walks into a bank wearing a cowboy hat with two guns holstered at his side.
He yells "HEYYYYYYY, this is a stick up." - Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
- How do cowboys feel when their hats fly off? Up-stet.
- what does a cowboy from colorado wear? a 420-gallon hat
- What has 3 arms, 1 hat, 2 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 scarf, 1 gun, and 4 ears? The Tchernobyl cowboy.
Hard Hat Jokes
Here is a list of funny hard hat jokes and even better hard hat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat? A boa constructor
- I forgot my hard hat when I went to the building site... Health and safety came down on me like a tonne of bricks.
- The nun at church The nun at church is always wearing a titanium hat. When I asked her about it... she said it was a hard habit to break.
- Some jokes are intentionally hard to understand... This joke for instance, is like a hat.
Red Hat Jokes
Here is a list of funny red hat jokes and even better red hat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I found an extra-terrestrial in my garden. He was sat next to the pond, wearing a red pointy hat. It was E.T. - faux gnome
- What do Zombies think when they see someone with a red hat and no mask? That's a no brainer
- How do you milk a white sheep? Give them a red hat
- Most garden statuary is only 30cm tall and wears red hats. It's a little gnome fact.
- I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat \*tips fedora\*
- What do you call a white hat that's been dipped in the Red Sea? A wet hat.
- IBM is Acquiring Red Hat The company has stated that they believe that the red hat will be a major clue in their long time search for carmen Santiago.
- Apparently red hat came out and said that there were no more Linux kernels in development, that they have gone in every direction. Apparently there's nothing GNU under the sun.
- If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
Comical & Quirky Hat Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about hat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scarf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hat pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave was getting robbed in the desert
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his c**...
When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a s**... woman, the hat would lift by itself."
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"
"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began
"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"
Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
fishing by the river
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
A Halloween joke for you.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
It was time to name Canada
All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.
The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"
The next drew, "N, eh?"
Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"
A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.
He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."
Job Fatality in Ireland
An Irish woman is making supper when she hears a knock on the cottage door. It's the priest and he has his hat in his hand, looking solemnly at the ground.
She's says "oh no, it's bad news isn't it father!"
"Yes, tis" says the priest.
"About my husband?? is he dead, father?" She gasps.
"There was a terrible accident at the brewery, he fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"
"Was it a quick death, father?"
"Truth be told, he got out 3 times to pee"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Frank and Harry are at their golf club...
As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat
Ratatouille's Remy hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird....
I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!
A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race...
the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.
The Paper Cowboy
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," answered the bartender.
A woman was running late for Sunday mass.
As she ran up the church steps, she tripped and fell...her dress came up and her hat flew off. She stood up, put on her hat and started straightening out her dress when she saw a priest standing at the door,
"Excuse Father Ryan, is mass out?" she asked
The priest looked at her and said "No, but your hat is kind of crooked"
So, I have had a pretty weird morning...
First I find a hat filled with money, and then out of nowhere I get randomly chased by an angry man with a guitar!
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
One morning, a priest gives a sermon on the Seven Deadly Sins
After the sermon, a guy goes up to the priest and says, "Father, thank you so much for giving that sermon. It meant so much to me, and I'll tell you why. I lost my hat last week and I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally decided to steal a new one from the store, but now that I heard your sermon, I'm not going to."
The priest smiles and says, "That's good, my son. The part about 'thou shalt not steal' moved you, did it?"
The guy says, "Nope. After that part about adultery, I remember where I left my hat."
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I made this up today! What do you call a guy who's been left at the old persons home three times in a week?
j**... hat trick.
(Geriatric)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young woman was pulled over for speeding
A young woman was pulled over for speeding.
The State Trooper walked to her car window and opened his ticket book.
The woman said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers' Ball."
The trooper told her, "Ma'am, State Troopers don't have b**...."
There was a moment of silence... The trooper tipped his hat, and returned to his car.
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
The Cure for the Common Cold
It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.
Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"...
Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?
You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the drop of a hat
I recently had s**... with my woman for the first time, and apparently she was impressed. She said, "You last so much longer than the last guy I was with! He would come at the drop of a hat!" I just smiled and said thanks but all I could think was "That's a really weird f**...."
Cop: seen anything unusual?
Me: a dolphin with a hat once
Cop: I mean around here
Me: nah they live in water
A Londoner is walking his dog...
...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.
"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"
"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.
"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.
"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking in the woods, I encountered a n**... man wearing a fine silk hat.
"Excuse me, sir, but why are you n**...?"
"Well, why not? No one ever comes back here."
"Well in that case, sir, why the silk hat?"
"Well, you never know. Somebody might."
Old lady on a cruise...
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hear that soon Reddit will require all redditors to don a cowboy hat / boots, and dance a j**... in order to log in…
I'm not a big fan of Two-Step Authentication.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
Guy walks into a bar out west
It's deserted except for the barkeep.
"Where's everybody?" the guy asks.
"Down at the town square. There's a hangin' today."
"Yeah? Who they hangin'?"
"Brown Paper Jack."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Well, everything about him is brown paper...chaps, shirt, hat, belt--he even rides with a saddle made out of brown paper."
"Yeah? What are they hangin' him for?"
"Rustlin'."
A boy asked his father one morning...
Boy: Dad, where did I come from?
Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.
Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!
Father: ... Your point?
Cowboy walks into a bar.
A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.
To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.
"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.
"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.
Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit carefully. It's an ordinary bunny.
"That's not a superpower, that's just a s**... magic trick!" says Professor X. "Stop wasting my time!"
"Ah, but that's not my real power!" says the man. "My real power is curing disabilities!"
On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat.
In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice.
A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit.
He's wearing a paper hat, a paper shirt, vest, jacket and pants. He even had a paper holster for his six-shooter.
He wasn't in town 10 minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
A bounty hunter walks . . .
. . into the Sheriffs office and asks if he has any wanted posters.
" I just got the one today" He replies, "The Brown Paper Kid"
The bounty hunter asks "Why do they call him the Brown Paper Kid"
"Well he's got a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper shoes and brown paper pants"
"Okay sure. Whats he wanted for?"
"Rustling"
Two guys go into a hat shop run by a cyclops.
One of them says "That's the one I'd get". So the cyclops hit him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when j**... sleeps with 3 old women at a nursing home in one night?
A j**... hat trick.
A Farm Boy gets bullied for having a big head...
The son says, "Mom, all the kids at school say I have a big head. Its really upsetting."
The mother says, "Don't worry honey, your head isn't big at all. Now, go gather some potatoes."
"Mom, I don't have a bag for potatoes."
"Its okay son, just use your hat."
I just entered the Town's tightest hat competition..
hope I can pull it off.
A cowboy walks into a bar and accidentally bumps shoulders with someone while walking up to the bartender
The cowboy says politely, Scuse me, sir.
The person looks over at the cowboy uncomfortably and responds, Uh, actually I'm non-binary. The cowboy tips his hat respectfully and says, Oh, pardon me M'theydy.
I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.
Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer.
I once saw a Spanish magician...
He told the audience that he was going to make his hat disappear on the count of three. So he tapped it with his wand and said, "Uno, dos," and it disappeared without a très.
What did the bow tie say to the top hat?
You go on a head, I'll hang around
How do you know a hat belongs to a little drummer boy?
It has a proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the k**... wear those pointy hats?
White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.
What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea?
It gets wet.
