The Best 81 Harvey Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Harvey jokes. There are some harvey lawrence jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these harvey hammond puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Harvey Jokes and Puns

What did Harvey Dent do after he got out of prison?

He became a dentist...

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher up then I imagined."

And your 2015 Miss Universe is Columbia!

-Steve Harvey

Harvey joke, And your 2015 Miss Universe is Columbia!

TIL Steve Harvey was the valedictorian of his graduating class.

Oh wait, no he wasn't. My mistake.

The Universal Miss award goes to

Steve Harvey.

Do you know what the Steve Harvey autobiography is called?

Neither does his publisher. He gave it a title, but then took it back.

What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

Harvey joke, What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

What do Steve Harvey and a dentist have in common?

They're both experts at placing temporary crowns.

What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic?

Heave Starvey

Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton

any second now

If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...

Steve Harvey.

"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"



You can explore harvey dwight reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean harvey stephens dad jokes. There are also harvey puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

And best picture goes to...

La La Land - Steve Harvey

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"

To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."

The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"

What's black and screams?

Harvey price answering a iron

What's Harvey Price's favourite gas?

Carbon Mongoxide

Family Feud must be a really hard show to work on

Steve Harvey is always asking for cervezas.

Harvey joke, Family Feud must be a really hard show to work on

Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke

Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?

My wife called me when I was out of town and told be about the 13 inches she got from Harvey last night.

I didn't know hurricanes could reach North Dakota...

Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane?

Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere

Why did the Mayweather cross the McGregor?

To get to the other Harvey!

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage.

Harvey Dent

Debbie Did Dallas

And then Harvey Did Houston.

How many churches were destroyed during Harvey?

Who cares, I go to Popeye's!

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...

is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!

What's the difference between Trump and Hurricane Harvey?

One is a storm wreaking havoc across the nation. The other is Hurricane Harvey.

Of all the victims of Harvey....

....I think I feel the most sorry, for the children who had been praying for a swimming pool.

I guess you could say Harvey...

Left a Dent

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...

Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

North Korea is a lot like Hurricane Harvey

The biggest threat in the ocean until some bigger issue comes from the East.

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay sex scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene

Weinstein said that the sex scene usually takes place before he approves a movie

I hear Harvey Weinstein has been fired from his own company.

Maybe he'll go to work for the TSA.

Bill Cosby Harvey Weinstein Road Movie

"Fiddlers on the roofies"

I hear Harvey Weinstein's call sheet has been blowing up lately.

Apparently the Republican Party wants him to run for President.

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein?

Bill Cosby weighs less and is Black.

Now that Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood career is over, he's decided to open a bank.

Word is that he's been giving out plenty of unwanted advances.

How many Harvey Weinsteins does it take to change a lightbulb?

That light bulb will change itself right in front of him if she knows what's good for her.

I think that the powerful, elite titans of industry have learned an important lesson from this whole Harvey Weinstein ordeal.

Never hire a board of directors.

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

What's the difference between a catfish and Harvey Weinstein?

One's a scum-sucking bottom-dweller. The other's a fish.

What do Harvey Weinstein and Macy's have in common?

Little boys pants, half off

Everybody is saying Harvey Weinstein is the worst person in history, but I think they're forgetting that Hitler is the worst person in history

I mean if he finished what he started, we wouldn't have to deal with Weinstein

Did you hear about Harvey Weinsteins new job?

He'll water your plants for direct eye contact.

So I was at a film awards event the other night... [nsfw]

I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"πŸ˜‰

Harvey Weinsteins weapon of choice?

The Rapier.

"At first if you don't succeed, try, try again"

- Harvey Weinstein

Bill Cosby, Anthony Weiner and Harvey Weinstein walk into a bar

Harvey says, "Hey Bill, buy me a drink!"
Bill shouts back, "I don't know what role you're trying to offer me, but let's not involve Weiner..."

The most shocking info that we'll get from the classified Kennedy documents will be that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't shoot the president, he ate him.

Because John F. Kennedy was a berliner.

Whats the first thing Harvey Weinstein does after sex?

Wipes the pepper spray out of his eyes...

Growing up in the film industry, Harvey Weinstein was a huge influence for me.

He really touched me.

What makes Harvey Weinstein and Bill O'Reilly the same?

They both made millions off fictional entertainment.

What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year?

Hurricane Harvey Weinstein

What do you call a sexually predatious bee?

Harvey Weinsting

Did you know Harvey Weinstein once submitted a slogan to Carl's Jr., but they had to change it?

The original slogan was, "You're not leaving this place until it's all over your face."

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

Did you hear about the big fight Steve Harvey had with his wife?

It was a family feud.

Bill: Ain't there someone else ya'll should be Weinstein yo' time on?

Harvey: Open bathrobes are just roomy, you know… Spacey.

Kevin: I choose to live as a gay man, so no woman can accuse me of Rattner out.

Brett: Hey, when I see a beautiful woman, I just Singer praises.

Bryan: Move along, no one gives Affleck about me.

Ben: Mine was just a little mistake. You need something at least a Sizemore.

Tom: It wasn't me! It was all Cosby drugs, man!

What's the difference between Harvey Weinstein and EA?

EA only sticks their hands in your pants if you have money in your pockets.

What's the worst thing you could possibly hear after giving Harvey Weinstein a blow job?

"I'm not Harvey Weinstein"

Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, and Ajit Pai walks into a bar ...

Later, a man walks up to the bottomless sinkhole, looks down, and asks Why's the bar so low?

What are the best and worst things about sleeping with Harvey Weinstein?

The roles, and the rolls.

It's so cold...

Harvey Weinstein is keeping his hands to himself.

Do you know why Harvey Weinstein likes to buy cheap screws?

They are the only things he can get to strip

I really liked Harvey Weinstein's speech about sexual misconduct

It was very touching

Did you hear Steve Harvey and his wife got into a fight?

It was a family feud

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

Actress: I want to be in the Aladdin remake.

Harvey Weinstein: All you have to do is rub my lamp.

Turns out that Harvey Weinstein has cancer...

Malignant male-anoma

A young boy dreamt of touching the stars.

He grew up and his dream came true. That boys name? Harvey Weinstein.

Every Half Dollar is Lee Harvey Oswald

Cus each one has a headshot of Kennedy

When someone brings up Hurricane Harvey even though that meme's been dead for a year now.

What would you call a bulimic Steve Harvey?

Heave Starvey.

What's Harvey Weinstein's favourite type of olive oil?

Extra Virgin.

Harvey Weinstein


Harvey Weinstein joke with journalists

Journalist: Were those nude photos of you that the jury looked at?

Harvey Weinstein: No, it was Playboy !

What do John wilkes booth, lee harvey oswald and kobe bryant have in common?

They never miss a shot

What do you call it when your pasta is hard on one side but soft on the other?

Harvey Dentè

My work colleagues and I had a debate about who we thought America's most notorious assassin was.

Lee Harvey Oswald won by a long shot.

What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?


\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the harvey minnesota jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working harvey irma piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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