Harvest Jokes
35 harvest jokes and hilarious harvest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harvest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny harvest jokes. From corn to pumpkins, we've got all the best jokes to make you smile.
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Funniest Harvest Short Jokes
Short harvest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harvest humour may include short crop jokes also.
- How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine harvester? Just one, but you squeeze them through really slowly.
- "I have a migraine." -- Italian farmer after the harvest
(blame @pauleggleston from Twitter) - What did the corn farmer say after he had a particularly good harvest? There's polenta more where that came from!!
- A farmer is harvesting his lettuce field and suddenly drops to the ground His wife runs over and screams; I think he's having a Caesar!
- My Mexican employee who works on my farm doesn't like the nickname I've given him... He's my International Harvester.
- Me, I like to harvest grains with a scythe. Though not many people here like those of us who reap oats.
- I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women… I'm calling it: Cadaviar.
- Farmer jokes A farmer sweats his blood and tears to harvest his crops for every year.He does not see everyone in the village for his own hard working.
- A well known local man has fell into a combine harvester trying to steal it last night The police have confirmed he's been bailed.
- Why did Gordon Freeman's vehicle dismember the metrocop and pulverize his limbs? Because he was driving a Combine harvester.
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Harvest One Liners
Which harvest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harvest? I can suggest the ones about harbor and farming.
- I used to weep over my poor apple harvest. Then I grew a pear.
- How do you harvest crops in the winter? With an ice sickle
- How do aliens harvest their crops? With tractor beams.
- Did you hear about the farmer that was arrested in Portland? He was Oregon Harvesting
- Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist? Hall'n Oates
- My wife said I'm young at heart. Harvesting those organs really paid off.
- Whats the best way to harvest an amond tree? You shake the L out of it.
- Harley Davidson came out with a harvesting tool. They call it a motorsickle.
- I realized when will Bannerlord be released Will come with the *harvesting season*.
- What does death use to harvest souls during the summer? A pop-sickle
- Why was the harvester pleaded guilty? Cause he's a cereal killer.
- A Jew walks into the blades of a wheat harvester
- My Dad ran over my brother in a combine harvester He got bailed
- I have neither the thyme nor the inclination To harvest herbs on a hill.
- How do you harvest an image? Just crop it out.
Farmer Harvest Jokes
Here is a list of funny farmer harvest jokes and even better farmer harvest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost? He got lost in the maize.
- Optimus Prime has had a s**... change and is now a Combine Harvester He's a Trans-Farmer
Harvest Festival Jokes
Here is a list of funny harvest festival jokes and even better harvest festival puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that your body is the temple of God? Aww yeah, my body IS a temple & it's clearly harvest festival.
Now bring me the virgins.
Fall Harvest Jokes
Here is a list of funny fall harvest jokes and even better fall harvest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do lynchings slow down in the fall? Because the Cotton is ready for harvest.
Laughter Harvest Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about harvest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean productive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harvest pranks.
A dying grandma tells her grandchild....
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."
Potatoes For Everyone!
A party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.
''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''
Farming advice
A farmer notices that her neighbor produces a lot of big tomatoes every year, so she asks him what his secret was. He says that he walks n**... every morning as the sun raises. The next harvest he checks up on his neighbor, and asked if she had good tomatoes this year. She says, I walked around the garden n**... every morning as you said but not that many tomatoes, but the cucumbers surely got big this year.
TIFU by neglecting the fence between our m**... farm and the cattle ranch next door.
We're struggling to salvage our crop for harvest this year, and the steaks have never been higher.
A Communist Party Bureaucrat drives down to a collective farm to register a potato harvest
"Comrade farmer, how has the harvest been this year?" the official asks.
"Oh, by the grace of God we have had mountains of potatoes", answers the farmer.
"But there is no God" counters the official.
"Huh", says the farmer, "And there are no mountains of potatoes either"
My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.
He says the breed are Melon Collies
A commissar visits a potato farm
The party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.
''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''
One of Reagan's favourite jokes.