The Best 51 Harvard Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Harvard jokes. There are some harvard college jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these harvard universities puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Harvard Jokes and Puns
What do Harvard and a virgin have in common?
You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.
A man asks a janitor in his office...
"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, jackass?"
How do you know someone went to Harvard?
They tell you.
What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?
Figuring out what to tell you about first.
How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?
They'll tell you.
Who was the first black person accepted into Harvard University?
The Janitor
Why didn't the ghost get accepted to Harvard?
He wasn't a visible minority.
How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?
Tip him for the pizza.
A new study from Harvard shows that people who don't watch born are
... Exceptional liers.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
You can explore harvard graduate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean harvard cornell dad jokes. There are also harvard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him
*I'll see myself out*
What do you call a Mexican stoner at Harvard?
A legacy student.
A Texan says to a Harvard student...
Texan: where are ya from?
Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.
Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?
Did you hear about the emo who appealed for admission into Harvard?
He didn't make the cut
What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?
They both got accepted to Yale.
The School Janitor
Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.
Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?
Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.
Johnny walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands
A man named Leonard approaches him and says, "I went to Harvard and they taught us to wash our hands after peeing."
Johnny looks at him and says, "I went to the University of Georgia and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay— where are you from, jackass?"
Harvard University accepted my application!
I'm going to be their best janitor!
What type of candy goes to Harvard?
Smarties
What do a Harvard student and Yale student have in common?
Both got into Yale.
An Englishman comes to Harvard.
Unable to find out the way to the library, he approaches an undergrad. The subsequent conversation is as follows-
Englishman: Excuse me. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at?
Undergrad: It's Harvard. People don't end sentences with a preposition here.
Englishman: Oh, I see. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at, asshole?
So happy that I got into Harvard this year...
After about spending an hour walking around sightseeing & looking at the buildings, then I got out.
What do you call a Mexican that got into Harvard?
A student...
Did you hear about the kidnapping at Harvard?
He was asleep for hours.
Poetry contest
A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
interviewer: it says here you went to Harvard University.
Me: yeah, I was visiting my sister.
I was on the wrong side of the hallway at Harvard Law School...
So I asked for permission to cross
A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:
Texan: Where are you from?
Harvard grad: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
Texan: Okay – where are you from, jackass?
An atheist vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard and doesn't own a TV walks into a bar
He sits down at the bar, orders a beer, turns to the guy next to him...
...and has no idea what to say.
How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the world around him.
What's the easiest way to get get into Harvard?
Through the front door
I solved a puzzle
I solved a puzzle that said 5 years in a week. I got kicked out of Harvard.
How do you tell whether someone went to Harvard?
You don't. They will definitely tell you.
How do you know someone went to Harvard?
They won't stop talking about how they went to Harvard.
How do you know someone went to Yale?
They won't stop talking about how they got rejected by Harvard.
Interviewer: Wow, so you went to Harvard.
Me: Yeah went there to meet the brother once.
A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?
Congratulations, urine!
If a is equal to b and b is equal to c, then a is equal to c.
I should've gone to Harvard.
Job Interviewer: It says on your resume that you went to Harvard University
Me: Yeah. I was visiting my friend.
People always ask me how I got into Harvard at the age of 16, after skipping two grades.
Honestly I think the janitor just left the door open or something.
Why should we accept you into harvard university?
Person: So why should we accept you into harvard university?
Me: i watch rick and morty
Person: oh right this way sir, I apologise
Physicists at MIT have discovered the smallest possible unit of time
The time from meeting an alumnus to hearing I went to Harvard .
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
Harvard University
I guess my dream is finally coming true. Among many people who applied for Harvard University,they chose me to be the janitor.
I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college
I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...asshole!"
How do you know if someone went to Harvard?
If they did they would've already told you about it
The boss approaches the new employee...
...and tells him to sweep the office.
"I'm sorry but I went to Harvard" the employee replies
The boss responds "Oh, my bad. In this case I have to show you how to do this"
What do you call a heroin addict-turned Harvard student?
IV League
I got into Harvard!!!
I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the harvard campus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working harvard princeton piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.