Harvard Jokes
76 harvard jokes and hilarious harvard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harvard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Did you know Harvard University has a great sense of humor? From jokes about Ivy League rivalries to humor about the university's elite reputation, get ready to laugh at some of Harvard’s funniest jokes. Read on for a selection of humorous jokes about Harvard, Yale, Cambridge, UCLA, graduate school, and Harvard Business School.
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Funniest Harvard Short Jokes
Short harvard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harvard humour may include short college jokes also.
- I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body
- interviewer: it says here you went to Harvard University. Me: yeah, I was visiting my sister.
- How do you tell whether someone went to Harvard? You don't. They will definitely tell you.
- What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common? They both got accepted to Yale.
- I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them. They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
- What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard? Figuring out what to tell you about first.
- I got into Harvard!!! I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
- I just got into Harvard. I found an open window and just climbed through. You would have thought security would be better here ...
- How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the world around him.
- Did you hear about the emo who appealed for admission into Harvard? He didn't make the cut
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Harvard One Liners
Which harvard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harvard? I can suggest the ones about campus and university.
- How do you know someone went to Harvard? They tell you.
- How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep? Tip him for the pizza.
- Why didn't the ghost get accepted to Harvard? He wasn't a visible minority.
- What do you call a Mexican that got into Harvard? A student...
- Harvard University accepted my application! I'm going to be their best janitor!
- Do you know how you know when a guy goes to Harvard. They tell you.
- What do a Harvard student and Yale student have in common? Both got into Yale.
- Who was the first black person accepted into Harvard University? The Janitor
- How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard? They'll tell you.
- Where does a comedian study? Ha ha ha ha haha ha-Harvard
- What type of candy goes to Harvard? Smarties
- What's the easiest way to get get into Harvard? Through the front door
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at Harvard? He was asleep for hours.
- Smart white kid goes to Harvard... Look at all those Asians.
- Interviewer: Wow, so you went to Harvard. Me: Yeah went there to meet the brother once.
Graduated Harvard Jokes
Here is a list of funny graduated harvard jokes and even better graduated harvard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him
*I'll see myself out* - What does a vegetarian and a Harvard graduate have in common? They will tell you all about it!
- How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate? He already told you so.
- this is pretty funny Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay where are you from, j**...?" - Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay— where are you from, j**...?"
Harvard University Jokes
Here is a list of funny harvard university jokes and even better harvard university puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Harvard University I guess my dream is finally coming true. Among many people who applied for Harvard University,they chose me to be the janitor.
- Why should we accept you into harvard university? Person: So why should we accept you into harvard university?
Me: i watch rick and morty
Person: oh right this way sir, I apologise - Job Interviewer: It says on your resume that you went to Harvard University Me: Yeah. I was visiting my friend.
Uproarious Harvard Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about harvard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean freshman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harvard pranks.
What do Harvard and a v**... have in common?
You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.
A man asks a janitor in his office...
"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
What do you call a Mexican s**... at Harvard?
A legacy student.
Harvard Business School's secret tagline
Putting the Ducati in e**ducati**on since 1908
A Texan says to a Harvard student...
Texan: where are ya from?
Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.
Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, j**...?
The School Janitor
Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.
Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?
Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.
Johnny walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands
A man named Leonard approaches him and says, "I went to Harvard and they taught us to wash our hands after peeing."
Johnny looks at him and says, "I went to the University of Georgia and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
An Englishman comes to Harvard.
Unable to find out the way to the library, he approaches an undergrad. The subsequent conversation is as follows-
Englishman: Excuse me. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at?
Undergrad: It's Harvard. People don't end sentences with a preposition here.
Englishman: Oh, I see. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at, a**...?
So happy that I got into Harvard this year...
After about spending an hour walking around sightseeing & looking at the buildings, then I got out.
Poetry contest
A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:
Texan: Where are you from?
Harvard grad: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
Texan: Okay – where are you from, j**...?
An atheist vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard and doesn't own a TV walks into a bar
He sits down at the bar, orders a beer, turns to the guy next to him...
...and has no idea what to say.
I solved a puzzle
I solved a puzzle that said 5 years in a week. I got kicked out of Harvard.
How do you know someone went to Harvard?
They won't stop talking about how they went to Harvard.
How do you know someone went to Yale?
They won't stop talking about how they got rejected by Harvard.
A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?
Congratulations, u**...!
Physicists at MIT have discovered the smallest possible unit of time
The time from meeting an alumnus to hearing I went to Harvard .
I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college
I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"
How do you know if someone went to Harvard?
If they did they would've already told you about it
The boss approaches the new employee...
...and tells him to sweep the office.
"I'm sorry but I went to Harvard" the employee replies
The boss responds "Oh, my bad. In this case I have to show you how to do this"
What do you call a h**... addict-turned Harvard student?
IV League
A Texan visits Harvard ...
He meets a student and asks, "Say there, do you know where the bathroom's at?" The student replies, "Sir, here at Harvard we speak properly, and certainly don't end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan replies, "OK, where's the bathroom at, a**...?"
A guy from out of state was roaming around the Harvard campus, a bit lost, when he came upon a distinguished looking gentleman reading on a park bench, possibly a professor. The guy asked him politely - "Hey, where's the library at?". The man looked up with a frown, and responded "This is Harvard,
good sir, we don't end our sentences with a preposition".
To which the guy replied - "My apologies. Where the library at, a**...?"
Two recent college graduates walk into the mens room at the same time.
They proceed to the urinals to relieve their bladders. When they finish one walks to the sink and washes his hands.
The other about to exit without washing his hands.
Sink guy- at Harvard they taught us to wash our hands after using the restroom.
Other guy- at my college they taught us not to p**... on our hands.
Selling brains for charity
Obama and Trump are asked to sell their brains for charity.
Obama offers his brains for $100,000.
"Why so much?", someone asks.
"Well", Obama says, "I studied Law at Harvard. My brains are extremely well developed".
Trump offers his brains for $10,000,000.
"That's a lot!", someone exclaims.
"Let me tell you something", says Trump, "My brains are fantastic. They are great. They are the best brains, it's true. I have a great relationship with my brains. They are good brains, and very pretty too! I guarantee you, they are impeccable, brand new, never used."