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Harry Potter Jokes

151 harry potter jokes and hilarious harry potter puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about harry potter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Prepare to enter the magical realm once again, but this time with a Wand of Wit, as we present our enchanting collection of Jokes about Harry Potter. As one of the most cherished and iconic series, Harry Potter has given us a world where the imagination flies on broomsticks and magic is as customary as breakfast.

Our curated selection of Potter-themed jests is perfect for adding that extra touch of magic at a Harry Potter-themed party, giving your cosplay event a humorous twist or bonding with fellow Potterheads over shared laughs.

These jokes are your 'Alohomora' to unlock moments of joy and nostalgia, taking you back to the heart of Hogwarts. So, ready your robes, straighten those spectacles and dive into laughter, undoubtedly the most magical potion in the world.

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Funniest Harry Potter Short Jokes

Short harry potter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harry potter humour may include short harry jokes also.

  1. If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  2. Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
  3. I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise. He was a poorly executed character.
  4. I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but... I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
  5. I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me. I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
  6. I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
  7. I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
  8. My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
  9. My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
  10. Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.

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Harry Potter One Liners

Which harry potter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harry potter? I can suggest the ones about potter and jk rowling.

  1. What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.

    j/k…rolling.
  2. How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.
    J.K. Rowling
  3. How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking. JK. Rolling
  4. How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill? By walking... jk rolling
  5. How did harry potter get down the hill? Walking.
    LoL
    JK. Rolling.
  6. What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
  7. I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
  8. How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
  9. What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking....
    Jk, rolling
  10. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
  11. How did Harry Potter get down the mountain? Running!... JK, Rowling.
  12. On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
  13. Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
  14. Why is Harry Potter better than Jews? He made it out of the chamber.
  15. What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking.
    J.K Rowling

Harry Potter Spells Jokes

Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you take the first two letters of the title of all the Harry Potter movies, it spells out a secret message # HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
  • Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
  • Oscar Pistorious That sounds like a spell Harry Potter uses to make your legs fall off
  • "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
  • What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
  • why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
    not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123
  • What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
  • What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
  • What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
  • What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson

Harry Potter Spell Jokes

Here is a list of funny harry potter spell jokes and even better harry potter spell puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Harry Potter doesn't mind if you pronounce a spell wrong. "PO-TA-TO, PAT-RO-NUM!!!!"
  • What spell does harry Potter use on halloween? Spoopify
  • What spell does Harry Potter use for constipation? Expelli-a**...
  • What's Harry Potters favorite spell at age 75? p**... Erectus
  • s**... Ed in Wizard World What spell do use if you need an abortion in Harry's Potters world.
    Fetus Deletus
  • What spell does Harry Potter use for safe s**...? Fetus Deletus
Harry Potter joke, What spell does Harry Potter use for safe s**...?

Harry Potter Wand Jokes

Here is a list of funny harry potter wand jokes and even better harry potter wand puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Harry Potter do when he realized he got Hermione pregnant? He waved his wand at her stomach and said: fetus deletus!
  • Harry Potter's favorite band Just read the new Harry Potter story on Pottermore and learned one interesting factoid. His favorite band is Wand e**....
  • [OC] What does Harry Potter get when he's listening to British boy groups? A wand e**....
  • What was Harry Potter's favorite band during puberty? Wand e**...

Harry Potter Houses Jokes

Here is a list of funny harry potter houses jokes and even better harry potter houses puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be J. K. Rowling over in her grave.
  • What Harry Potter house was the Big Bad Wolf in? Huffle puff!
  • Harry Potter walks into the White House...
Harry Potter joke, Harry Potter walks into the White House...

Harry Potter Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about harry potter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prince harry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harry potter pranks.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, right? I guess that's when the books started getting

*dead Sirius*

Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans

Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"
Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"
Sister: "Sirius Black"
Took me a minute.

Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

Because they were only a quideach

So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........

but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....

A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.

I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.

Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?

Because he catches all the snitches!

I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic

I mean, a ginger with two friends?

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?

9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*

What happened when Harry Potter had s**... with a pig?

He got hog warts.

What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter

Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.

Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book

Dead serious.

What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader?

*A Vader Cadaver*

Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.

"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Harry
"You ran face first into a wall."

As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.

My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.
My other friend is a hunger games fan, but he's good.

I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.

8th Harry Potter book confirmed, you'll never believe who wrote it...

J.K.

A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password

She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella d**... Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.

My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies...

...is the casting.

Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series

and you-know-whodunnit...

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.

Yesterday i told my friend that i always wanted to ride that thing in Harry Potter.

"A broom?" he asked.
"No, Hermione."

Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"

"Serious?"
"No, Ron."

Harry Potter joke

Q. Why can't Snape teach Herbology?
A. He can't keep the lilies alive.

What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone?

"u**... my way."

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his p**... in potions class?

They're both cauldron

On a scale of 1-10 how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

About 9 3/4

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews?

Harry Potter rode the train back.
I'm not apologizing.

BREAKING: Harry Potter series was ghostwritten

JK, Rowling wrote it.

It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both beauty and the beast and Harry Potter

Both of the main characters are harry

What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer?

He is the best at catching snitches.

What language do delivery drivers speak in the Harry Potter universe?

Parcel tongue

What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?

Ginny Weasley's emotions.

How does Harry Potter get down a hill?

By walking
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J. K. Rowling

What do you call it when Harry Potter has a one night stand?

Hit it and quidditch

I love playing Harry Potter make believe with my kid.

That's why he lives under the stairs.

How does Harry Potter like to go down hills?

Walking...
J.K. Rowling

My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan

She always wears an invisibility cloak.

Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts

They never saw him coming.

What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?

A ginger with two friends

I really love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the deathday party, I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick...

He was a very poorly executed character.

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.

A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"

Harry Potter walks into a bar

Because it was on his bedroom window

What is Harry Potter's favorite new app?

Spellcheck

What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?

A hedwig

How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?

Fetusdeletus

How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick?

About a Quid each.

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.

How does Harry Potter go down a hill?

Walking.
JK ROLLINGGG

Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?

**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

Expellianus.

I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter

...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead Sirius.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

I like the Harry Potter books and movies but

I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Running!
JK.... Rowling

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking p**... and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

Did you know that Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill is running?

J.k. Rowling

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

Harry Potter joke, I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

jokes about harry potter