Harry Potter Jokes
141 harry potter jokes and hilarious harry potter puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about harry potter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Prepare to enter the magical realm once again, but this time with a Wand of Wit, as we present our enchanting collection of Jokes about Harry Potter. As one of the most cherished and iconic series, Harry Potter has given us a world where the imagination flies on broomsticks and magic is as customary as breakfast.
Our curated selection of Potter-themed jests is perfect for adding that extra touch of magic at a Harry Potter-themed party, giving your cosplay event a humorous twist or bonding with fellow Potterheads over shared laughs.
These jokes are your 'Alohomora' to unlock moments of joy and nostalgia, taking you back to the heart of Hogwarts. So, ready your robes, straighten those spectacles and dive into laughter, undoubtedly the most magical potion in the world.
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Funniest Harry Potter Short Jokes
Short harry potter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harry potter humour may include short harry jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
- My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
- My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
- Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
- I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius.
- I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
- I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
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Harry Potter One Liners
Which harry potter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harry potter? I can suggest the ones about potter and jk rowling.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
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j/k…rolling. - What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
- My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan She always wears an invisibility cloak.
- Harry Potter walks into a bar Because it was on his bedroom window
- Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion. You're a blizzard Dairy.
- How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick? About a Quid each.
- My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... ...is the casting.
- Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious.
- Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series and you-know-whodunnit...
- Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches? Because they were only a quideach
Harry Potter Spells Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
- "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
- What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
- why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123 - What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
- What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
- What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson
- Harry Potter doesn't mind if you pronounce a spell wrong. "PO-TA-TO, PAT-RO-NUM!!!!"
- What spell does harry Potter use on halloween? Spoopify
Harry Potter Houses Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter houses jokes and even better harry potter houses puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be J. K. Rowling over in her grave.
- What Harry Potter house was the Big Bad Wolf in? Huffle puff!
- Harry Potter walks into the White House...
Harry Potter Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about harry potter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prince harry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harry potter pranks.
What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill? Running...JK! Rolling.
Q :How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
A: Walking......Jk,Rowling
I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...
I'll admit I'm a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.
Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.
For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.
So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, right? I guess that's when the books started getting
*dead Sirius*
A little Harry Potter humour...
How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?
You-knew-who
Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans
Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"
Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"
Sister: "Sirius Black"
Took me a minute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?
Because he catches all the snitches!
How do you stop Harry Potter from spreading rashes?
Tell him to quidditching it
what is harry Potter's favorite ice breaker?
Scar Stories.
What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?
Shirley you can't be Sirius.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter
Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader?
*A Vader Cadaver*
As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.
My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.
My other friend is a hunger games fan, but he's good.
If you don't get my Harry Potter references, there is something siriusly ron with you
8th Harry Potter book confirmed, you'll never believe who wrote it...
J.K.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password
She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella d**... Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?
Because they're both cauldron
The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series.
I mean, the fifth book was dead serious.
Want to know a Harry Potter riddle?
Tom Marvolo
Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?
Because he expecto'd Petronas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oscar Pistorious
That sounds like a spell Harry Potter uses to make your legs fall off
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
Yesterday i told my friend that i always wanted to ride that thing in Harry Potter.
"A broom?" he asked.
"No, Hermione."
The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author
When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.
Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"
"Serious?"
"No, Ron."
What did the pee say when it was blocked by a kidney stone?
"u**... my way."
AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world
Really! I'm Sirius!
On a scale of 1-10 how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
About 9 3/4
What is Harry Potter's philosophy on relationships...
Hit it and quidditch.
Rainn Wilson to star in the next Harry Potter spin off!
Fantastic Beets And Where To Find Them
If Harry Potter were about pirates:
"It's Levi-O-sARRRRRRR"
What did Harry Potter say when he invaded Afghanistan?
Expected petroleum.
BREAKING: Harry Potter series was ghostwritten
JK, Rowling wrote it.
It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both beauty and the beast and Harry Potter
Both of the main characters are harry
How does Harry Potter end an argument when leaving the room?
He slams the Gryffindor.
What Makes Harry Potter a Great Mob Enforcer?
He is the best at catching snitches.
Why did Harry Potter use so much Gold Bond when he got off his broom?
Quiddichin
I'll see myself out.
What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?
Ginny Weasley's emotions.
What do you call it when Harry Potter has a one night stand?
Hit it and quidditch
What is Harry Potter's favorite radio station?
Sirius XM
I love playing Harry Potter make believe with my kid.
That's why he lives under the stairs.
Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts
They never saw him coming.
How does Harry Potter order a drink in Mexico?
Expecto Patrona
I'm actually a very close personal friend of the author of Harry Potter.
jk
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with two friends
Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?
He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.
Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...
What is Harry Potter's favorite new app?
Spellcheck
If Harry Potter was Jewish...
Would he be called Harold Spellman?
What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?
A hedwig
Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore?
Severus Package
How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?
Fetusdeletus
What do pig farms and Harry Potter have in common?
Hogwarts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*
Mind readers in Harry Potter
If a legilamins has a child that can't read minds, is that child illigilamins?
What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.
I just heard this dont know if its been posted before
Percy Jackson fans: i want to go to camp half blood
Harry Potter fans: i want to go to Hogwarts
Narnia fans: i want to go to Narnia
Hunger Games fans: im good
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter tp be president?
Because they didnt want to Elect Ron
Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
Did you know that Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill is running?
J.k. Rowling
