Harry Jokes
157 harry jokes and hilarious harry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious Harry jokes! From funny moments involving Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, to wisecracks about Harry Potter and even a few on Umbridge and Myrtle--there's jokes to satisfy everyone. Laugh out loud with these brilliant puns and one-liners!
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Funniest Harry Short Jokes
Short harry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harry humour may include short potter jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
- My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
- Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
- My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
- Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
- I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius.
- I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?
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Harry One Liners
Which harry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harry? I can suggest the ones about jk rowling and harrison ford.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
…
j/k…rolling. - What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- You're a unit of power, Harry. Harry: I'm a watt?
- Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
- "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry." "I'm a watt?"
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
- My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan She always wears an invisibility cloak.
- Harry Potter walks into a bar Because it was on his bedroom window
- Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion. You're a blizzard Dairy.
- How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick? About a Quid each.
- My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... ...is the casting.
- Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious.
Harry Potter Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter jokes and even better harry potter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
- I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
- Most characters in the Harry Potter series were represented well in their transition from book to movie; But Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
- Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!" "Serious?"
"No, Ron." - Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race? Because he expecto'd Petronas.
- Warner Bros should create a Harry Potter spinoff series based on the life of Hermione Granger. They should name it Granger Things.
- What does Harry Potter and your Soulmate have in common? They're both fictional Characters.
- My son asked me last night "how does Harry Potter fill up his car"? Answer - Expecto Petroleum
- Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series and you-know-whodunnit...
- Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts They never saw him coming.
Prince Harry Jokes
Here is a list of funny prince harry jokes and even better prince harry puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the royal family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income. He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
- We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince. ...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
- Prince Harry's bachelor party had to be pretty awkward. He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.
- Megan and Harry's future child If Harry and Megan had a boy and named him "Artist" then changed his name he would be
The prince formerly known as Artist - Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says Have you seen Dad ? William replies He wasn't invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla .
- Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore? Severus Package
- With Prince Harry and meghan markle getting engaged, it's great to progress past old prejudices. Fair play to her for agreeing to marry a ginger.
- Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public. He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.
- Megan Markle's dad won't be at her wedding, so she asked Harry's dad to walk her down the aisle. Unfortunately, James Hewitt isn't invited, so Prince Charles is doing it instead.
- If Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have a baby boy They should call him Terry
Harry Hill Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry hill jokes and even better harry hill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I knew I was going bald when... I knew I was going bald when it started to take longer and longer to wash my face. - Harry Hill
- Did you know that Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill is running? J.k. Rowling
- Q :How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
A: Walking......Jk,Rowling - What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill? Running...JK! Rolling.
- How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking.
Jk. Rowling.
Sorry if repost, I just saw it on my Facebook and laughed really hard. - What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill? "Ouch! I Hermione!"
- I once saw Harry Potter fall down a hill Jk, he was Rowling
- How does Harry Potter go down hills?
Harry Potter Spells Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
- "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
- What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
- why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123 - What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
- What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
- What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson
- Harry Potter doesn't mind if you pronounce a spell wrong. "PO-TA-TO, PAT-RO-NUM!!!!"
- What spell does harry Potter use on halloween? Spoopify
Meghan And Harry Jokes
Here is a list of funny meghan and harry jokes and even better meghan and harry puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail. Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.
- Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
- Prince Harry takes Meghan on a date. Who pays? The taxpayers.
Share Hilarious Harry Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about harry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean billy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harry pranks.
Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.
For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Frank and Harry are at their golf club...
As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you Imagine?
Can you imagine stuffing pictures of your grandmother in a strippers G string?
Imagine you are Prince Harry
I never remember silly things
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
Really? ,
one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?
Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
Yes that's it, he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?
I cooked for my fiancée's parents for the first time
As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, "I like it well done."
I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cheating Partner
A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans
Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"
Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"
Sister: "Sirius Black"
Took me a minute.
Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?
Because they were only a quideach
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!
Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.
Rumors are that Harry Styles is BiSexual according to a recent interview
I hear they're going to change the name of the band to 'Both Directions'
One Billion Funny Joke
According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed
Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)
My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'
'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'
(Waits for downvotes)
My wife is an angel.
Bob and Harry are fishing one day....
Bob.... "How's your wife been?"
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"
Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter
Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.
As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts.
My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia.
My other friend is a Hunger Games fan, but he's good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?
Because they're both cauldron
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him?
Yer a Blizzard, Harry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me..
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
The doctor told Harry Potter to drink 2L of Water a Day, but Harry didn't listen.
Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.
New secretary
Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out.
"How was it?" inquired Harry.
"Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."
A couple of weeks later, Harry took the secretary out, and the following morning, he said, "You're right Frank, she is better than your wife!"
Fresh and Funny!
Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?
BREAKING: Harry Potter series was ghostwritten
JK, Rowling wrote it.
It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter
Both of the main characters are harry
What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?
Ginny Weasley's emotions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
An old Jewish couple, Harry and Sadie, were married for 35 years but never got along...
...One day around this time of year, he says to her, "So? I suppose you'll be wanting a Hanukkah present?"
She says to him, "Harry, I want a divorce."
Harry says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with two friends
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
What is Harry Potter's favorite new app?
Spellcheck
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Roses are red, you're a liar
Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?
What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?
A hedwig
How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?
Fetusdeletus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.
He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him.
Congratulations Harry, his boss said. I just wanted to tell you I've been married for 22 years, and I'm sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.
But, I'm not getting married until tomorrow, Harry said.
Yeah I know, his boss said.
What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.
Harry went into the chamber of secrets with his wand.
When he suddenly felt a strange itch.
This girl...
She had Hogwarts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.
The bartender says Hey, didn't you write those Harry Potter books?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard they found Harry Potter l**... packages in the mailroom again...
Parceltongue
Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, "When Harry Met Sally" at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight...
You'll still be just as single as when you started the movie...
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.
"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.
What did Harry say when the queen asked how black the newborn was?
Just a lilibet
For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...
*Knock-knock*
~ Who's there?
~ You know
~ you know who?
*avada kedavra!*
Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.
Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.
When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.
When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.
And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially, Harry
Harry Potter Joke
While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"
The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!
Where did Harry Styles go to school?
Watermelon Sugar High
An old Harry Potter joke
Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape's door.
Who is it?
Voldemort: THE DARK LORD!!
Snape: Sauron?
Voldemort: No no, the other one
Snape: Vader?
Voldemort, irritated, thunders: THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!
Snape, confused: Hermione??
