Harry Jokes
164 harry jokes and hilarious harry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious Harry jokes! From funny moments involving Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, to wisecracks about Harry Potter and even a few on Umbridge and Myrtle--there's jokes to satisfy everyone. Laugh out loud with these brilliant puns and one-liners!
Quick Jump To
- Short Harry Jokes
- Harry One Liners
- Harry Potter Jokes
- Prince Harry Jokes
- Harry Hill Jokes
- Harry Potter Spells Jokes
- Meghan And Harry Jokes
- More Harry Jokes
Funniest Harry Short Jokes
Short harry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harry humour may include short potter jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise. He was a poorly executed character.
- I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but... I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
- I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me. I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
- I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
- I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted. But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
- My friends, the Leas, are planning to name their firstborn after their favorite Harry Potter character. Sirius Lea, it's true
- Harry was blind... ... His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater for his birthday. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read.
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Harry One Liners
Which harry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harry? I can suggest the ones about jk rowling and harrison ford.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
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j/k…rolling. - How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.
J.K. Rowling - How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking. JK. Rolling
- How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill? By walking... jk rolling
- How did harry potter get down the hill? Walking.
LoL
JK. Rolling. - What did Harry Potter say when he was filling up his car? Expensive Petroleum
- I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter Now she is a 9¾
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking....
Jk, rolling - You're a unit of power, Harry. Harry: I'm a watt?
- Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man
- "You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry." "I'm a watt?"
- How did Harry Potter get down the mountain? Running!... JK, Rowling.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch
Harry Potter Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter jokes and even better harry potter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv
- Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
- I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies. He was dead Sirius.
- I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?
- I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic I mean, a ginger with two friends?
- I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic I mean a ginger with 2 friends??
- I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I know it's only 6 words, but I'm proud of myself.
- I liked the Harry Potter books and films but... I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed
- Most characters in the Harry Potter series were represented well in their transition from book to movie; But Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.
- What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.
Prince Harry Jokes
Here is a list of funny prince harry jokes and even better prince harry puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Can you Imagine?
Can you imagine stuffing pictures of your grandmother in a strippers G string?
Imagine you are Prince Harry - After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the royal family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income. He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
- We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince. ...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
- When Princess Meghan confronted Prince Harry about spending their wedding evening polishing his plate mail... Harry said, "What!? You told me, all you ever wanted was a night in, shining armour!"
- Prince Harry's bachelor party had to be pretty awkward. He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.
- Megan and Harry's future child If Harry and Megan had a boy and named him "Artist" then changed his name he would be
The prince formerly known as Artist - Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says Have you seen Dad ? William replies He wasn't invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla .
- Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore? Severus Package
- With Prince Harry and Meghan Markle getting engaged, it's great to progress past old prejudices. Fair play to her for agreeing to marry a ginger.
- Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public. He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.
Harry Hill Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry hill jokes and even better harry hill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill? Walking.
J.K Rowling - How does Harry Potter go down a hill? Walking.
JK ROLLINGGG - How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Running!
JK.... Rowling - How does Harry Potter like to go down hills? Walking...
J.K. Rowling - How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking
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J. K. Rowling - I knew I was going bald when... I knew I was going bald when it started to take longer and longer to wash my face. - Harry Hill
- Did you know that Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill is running? J.k. Rowling
- My favorite one How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking…
jk rolling. - What is Harry Potter's preferred way to go down a hill? Sliding.
jk
Rowling. - Harry Potters favorite way of going down a hill is sliding JK, Rolling
Harry Potter Spells Jokes
Here is a list of funny harry potter spells jokes and even better harry potter spells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of all the Harry Potter movies, it spells out a secret message # HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
- Why couldn't harry potter feel the magic? Because he was having a dry spell
- Oscar Pistorious That sounds like a spell Harry Potter uses to make your legs fall off
- "Pistorius" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would have use to make someone's legs disappear. This is Frankie Boyles joke, not mine
- What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!
- why don't women get pregnant in harry potter because they use a spell called fetus deletus
not my original joke btw i got it from vikkstar123 - What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant? FETUS DELETUS!!
- What's a rappers favorite Harry Potter spell? Expecto Petrón
- What magic spell does Harry Potter use at the bar? Expecto Patronum
- What's the spell on Harry Potter's universe that makes you wet? Emma Wetson
Meghan And Harry Jokes
Here is a list of funny meghan and harry jokes and even better meghan and harry puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail. Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.
- Princess Meghan's dream came true, she spent an entire evening polishing Harry's suit of plate mail... She finally got her night in, shining armour.
- If Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have a baby boy They should call him Terry
- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle He's thinking of his offspring. The Royal Bloodline will finally have some melanin.
- Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
- Prince Harry takes Meghan on a date. Who pays? The taxpayers.
Share Hilarious Harry Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about harry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean billy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harry pranks.
Frank and Harry are at their golf club...
As Frank gets set to take his swing, a f**... procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
I never remember silly things
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
Really? ,
one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?
Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
Yes that's it, he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?
I cooked for my fiancée's parents for the first time
As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, "I like it well done."
I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
Cheating Partner
A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?
Because they were only a quideach
So an elderly woman thinks her husband is starting to go deaf...
The woman decides to test her theory. She stands about 30 feet way and calls to her husband:
"Oh Harry!"
She gets no response. She then stands 20 feet away and calls out to him again:
"Oh Harry!"
She is surprised that he STILL doesn't hear her call so she tries again, this time from 10 feet away:
"Oh Harry!"
Harry exclaims: "For the 3rd time Bertha! What do you want!?"
I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!
Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.
One Billion Funny Joke
According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.
I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed
Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)
My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'
'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'
(Waits for downvotes)
My wife is an angel.
Bob and Harry are fishing one day....
Bob.... "How's your wife been?"
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"
Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?
9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*
What happened when Harry Potter had s**... with a pig?
He got hog warts.
Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book
Dead serious.
Harry Potter wakes up in hospital.
"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Harry
"You ran face first into a wall."
My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies...
...is the casting.
Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series
and you-know-whodunnit...
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking p**... and his best friend?
Because they're both cauldron
Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him?
Yer a Blizzard, Harry.
Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?
Because he expecto'd Petronas.
Rupert Grint bursts into the room, "Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"
"Serious?"
"No, Ron."
Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his p**... in potions class?
They're both cauldron
New secretary
Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out.
"How was it?" inquired Harry.
"Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."
A couple of weeks later, Harry took the secretary out, and the following morning, he said, "You're right Frank, she is better than your wife!"
Fresh and Funny!
Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?
Why is Harry Potter better than Jews?
He made it out of the chamber.
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...
"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"
"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."
I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."
An old Jewish couple, Harry and Sadie, were married for 35 years but never got along...
...One day around this time of year, he says to her, "So? I suppose you'll be wanting a Hanukkah present?"
She says to him, "Harry, I want a divorce."
Harry says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.
Though I suppose if Meghan wants to marry a ginger, it's none of my business.
My girlfriend is a huge Harry Potter fan
She always wears an invisibility cloak.
Harry Potter's invisibility cloak was very effective for spying on the women of Hogwarts
They never saw him coming.
I really love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the deathday party, I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick...
He was a very poorly executed character.
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
Harry Potter walks into a bar
Because it was on his bedroom window
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
Roses are red, you're a liar
Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?
How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick?
About a Quid each.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
**They were past their hexpiration date!**
*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.
He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him.
Congratulations Harry, his boss said. I just wanted to tell you I've been married for 22 years, and I'm sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.
But, I'm not getting married until tomorrow, Harry said.
Yeah I know, his boss said.
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
Harry went into the chamber of secrets with his wand.
When he suddenly felt a strange itch.
This girl...
She had Hogwarts.
Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking p**... and his best friend?
They're both cauldron
A transphobe, a racist, a homophobe and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.
The bartender says Hey, didn't you write those Harry Potter books?
I heard they found Harry Potter l**... packages in the mailroom again...
Parceltongue
Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.
You're a blizzard Dairy.
For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...
*Knock-knock*
~ Who's there?
~ You know
~ you know who?
*avada kedavra!*
Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.
Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.
When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.
When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.
And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially, Harry
My son asked me last night "how does Harry Potter fill up his car"?
Answer - Expecto Petroleum
