Harmless Jokes
41 harmless jokes and hilarious harmless puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harmless that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn the difference between harmless April Fool's jokes and benign practical jokes that don't go too far. Find out which jokes, such as using fake cigarettes or vegun jokes, are harmless as opposed to potentially offensive or even dangerous.
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Funniest Harmless Short Jokes
Short harmless jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harmless humour may include short harmful jokes also.
- Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
- If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter Then does that mean that black lies matter?
- Cigarettes are just like weasels... Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.
- My daughter said she was scared to be nine I told her not to worry. It's harmless to be nine.
- Squirrels are like cigarettes The perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set in on fire
- Easily offended people are literally like snowflakes. Alone, they are harmless. Together, however, they ruin everything good and bad in their way.
- Miners to sue a harmless tree-hugger. If you ask me, those miners are just making... A molehill out of the mountain.
- Relationships are like onions They seem harmless on the outside but once you get into it you'll cry.
- There once was a man named Larry
Whose stomach detested dairy
He had ice cream
Harmless it seemed
But next afternoon he was buried - Cigarettes are like rats They are both harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire
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Harmless One Liners
Which harmless one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harmless? I can suggest the ones about unharmed and innocent.
- When is bingo harmless? When its B9!
- Friend born without one arm She told me not to be afraid of her, she's harmless
- What's a harmless person's favorite chord? B9
- What did the bingo player shout out when he found out his tumor was harmless? B 9!
- "Let's be having you" is a harmless saying. Unless it's said by a cannibal.
- She's totally harmless... The Venus de Milo.
- Why are dad jokes harmless and mom jokes offensive? I'll tell you when you're older
- Hey, are you BB-8? (harmless spoiler) Coz I'd like to fix your antenna ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- m**... It's harmless unless it's yours and it's in a cops hands.
Cheerful Harmless Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about harmless you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean benign jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harmless pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my kid baptized yesterday
Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Timmy walks in on his parents having s**...
He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad. "Mommy, what are you and daddy doing?" The parents, obvioulsy very embarassed, are trying hard to make up a harmless explanation. "Uhm... I'm a... I'm sitting on daddys tummy to make all the air go out of it... because he's a bit fat..." stutters his mother.
"There's no use in that, mom. The maid always blows the air back in when you're not there"
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears,
Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
You've been warned
A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
w**... is not harmless.
Think of another drug that causes white guys to grow dreadlocks and become rappers.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the humble and inoffensive aardvark, the most harmless animal in existence. As my dad used to say,
aardvark never hurt anyone.
Did you know that the reason Subway no longer serve mushrooms is because of persistent stigma from that whole 'Jared' thing?
....at first everyone just thought he was one of those harmless fungis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman is completely harmless and does not believe in violence, She is like angel,The most mannered human being in the world. Until....
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her nail polish dries..
Brown bears vs. grizzly bears
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
Zookeepers lie about their exhibits
Woman: Sir, are these geese harmless? I would like to go in and pet one of them
Zookeeper: yes, they are armless, but I strongly recommend you shouldn't go in.
Woman: nonsense, if you say that they are harmless, they must be.
Zookeeper: okaaaaay
The Zookeeper proceeds to open the gate to allow the woman to enter. She walks up to 1 of the geese to pet them, but they attack her.
Woman: YOU SAID THEY WERE HARMLESS!
Zookeeper: I NEVER SAID THAT THEY WERE HARMLESS, I SAID THEY WERE ARMLESS!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Buyer beware
A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: he'll tie the buyer n**... to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free.
The farmer ties the buyer up and leaves. He comes back an hour later and finds the buyer nearly unconscious. The farmer asks, "Are you all right?"
The reply: "Doesn't that calf have a mother?"
Beware Dangerous Dog!
On the door of the general store, a customer noticed the sign DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! He carefully entered the store, but once inside all he saw was a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?
Yep, that's him, he replied.
The stranger could not help but be amused. That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?
Because, the owner replied, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.
A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive...
A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive.
The doorbell rings and the father opens the door to the first young man who says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Strange kid but harmless, thinks the dad, and he lets the boy in.
The doorbell rings again. The dad answers the door and the new young man says, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The father lets him in.
The doorbell rings for the third time. When the father opens the door, the date says "Hi, I'm Chuck..." KABLAM!
