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Harm Jokes

47 harm jokes and hilarious harm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the use of self-harm jokes in the era of social media and how the audience's enjoyment of this form of humor can be seen as a form of anguish infliction.

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Funniest Harm Short Jokes

Short harm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harm humour may include short hazard jokes also.

  1. TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand. Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
  2. TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
  3. The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers. At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
  4. Steve Irwin would still be alive today if he put on sunscreen It protects you from harmful rays
  5. Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin? Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays
  6. What should Steve Irwin worn the day he died? Sunscreen. Know why..?
    Because it protects you from harmful rays.
  7. I heard they recalled Steve irwin's sunblock lotion. It didn't protect against harmful rays.
  8. But what do I do with the letters? My psychotherapist once told me that I should write letters to the people that did me harm and then burn them. But what do I do with the letters?
  9. Apparently Steve Irwin had his own line of sunscreen but it was taken off the market when he died. It wasn't protecting against harmful rays.
  10. Scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. It's probably better to just use an ashtray.

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Harm One Liners

Which harm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harm? I can suggest the ones about hurting and hurt.

  1. Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled? It didn't protect him from harmful rays
  2. I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
  3. Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock.
    Doesn't protect against harmful rays.
  4. Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock? It doesn't protect from harmful rays
  5. If only Steve Irwin wore sunglasses They might have protected him from harmful rays
  6. If only Steve Irwin wore sun screen. He could have been protected from harmful rays.
  7. Steve Irwin put on sunscreen. Too bad it didn't protect him from harmful rays.
  8. Why should Steve Irwin have put on sunscreen? To protect himself from the harmful rays.
  9. What happened when Steve Irwin forgot to put on sunscreen? He got hurt from harmful rays
  10. To people struggling with self harm Don't beat yourself up over it
  11. What do you call a self harming bovine? A moo-tilator.
  12. I just got kicked out of Self-Harm college. They said I just couldn't cut it.
  13. 9 out of 10 doctors say dying is harmful to your health. So did the other one.
  14. How much sunblock did Steve Irwin use? Not enough to stop the harmful rays.
  15. There was a Self-Harming With Glass contest in my town... The winner was clear-cut.

Harm joke, There was a Self-Harming With Glass contest in my town...

Great Harm Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about harm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean damage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harm pranks.

They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit m**...

I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .

They say there's a person capable of m**... in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.

There was a knock at my door.

I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for m**....
I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."
"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"
I said, "Because you might find the c**...."

A Nun having a bath

There is a knock at the door. "Who is it" she asks.
"Blind man" comes the reply
Thinking no harm can come from this she says "OK come in"
Guy comes in. "Nice t**..." he says "Where do you want me to hang the blind"?

They say that there is a potential m**... in every friend group

I suspected it was Dave so I killed him before he could harm anyone.

A convict escapes from prison and holes up in a convent.

He rounds up all the nuns and begins to look them over, saying, "I'll have my way with all of you."
A young novice says, "Please, sir, do what you will to us, but don't harm the Mother Superior!"
Suddenly, the Mother Superior says, "You heard the man! He said ALL of us!"

Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.

He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. Next day it's his turn to keep the log and he writes "N wind, calm sea, today the captain is sober."

They say in every friend group, 1 person is likely to commit m**....

I killed the guy I suspected before they could do any harm.

No harm done.

I got bit on the leg by a sheep today, didn't do too much damage though.
Just grazed the knee.

Today I read that the average group of friends has 1 m**......

Greg was acting very suspicious latetly so I had to kill him before he could do any harm.

A woman and a man are in court...

A woman, named Mrs. Andrews, and a man, named Mr. Roberts, are in court.
Judge: Mr. Roberts, you are guilty of the defamation of Mrs. Andrews, for calling her a pig. From now on, you are not allowed to call Mrs. Andrews a pig.
Mr Roberts: But can I call a pig Mrs. Andrews?
Judge: I see no harm in that, so yes.
Mr. Roberts looks Mrs. Andrews in the eye and says, Hello, Mrs. Andrews.

They say there is a m**... in every group

I thought it's jack, so i killed him before he could harm somebody.

Someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?" I asked.
"Police," replied two men.
I asked them what they wanted. "We need to investigate your property for cannabis."
"I haven't got any," I said. "Now be on your way."
"Sir," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"
"Because you might find the c**...," I answered.

A religious monk is approached by a demoness.

She tells him he must choose between three evils:
1. Kill a goat.
2. Drink alcohol.
3. Have s**... with her.
Knowing they are all against his good judgment, he decides to do whichever causes the least harm, so he drinks the alcohol.
He then proceeds to kill the goat and have s**... with the demoness.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?

A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous b**... harm...

Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...

I tried incubating some chicks but turns out my rooster is sterile.

Oh well.
No harm, no fowl.

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed

That's when he's most likely to elf harm.

They say there's a person capable of m**... in every friend group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could do any harm

Obi-Wan Kenobi was arrested last night

He's being charged with Grievous b**... Harm

What's a harmless person's favorite chord?

B9

A bee got in our house and I my wife freaked...

She yelled, "get it out but don't harm it". So I got a shot glass and a playing card and carefully trapped and released the little guy out back. When I returned my wife said, "well, what happened? And I replied...
Don't worry. Bee Happy.

There's no harm in trying

Unless you try to commit s**...,that will s**... real bad

How many white teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb

...none they would rather sit in the dark
(im white teenage and mean no harm in this joke)

My uncle Fred used to say " What you can't hear can't harm you"

*used to*
He was killed by ninjas.

If anyone one of my friends made a self harm joke I wouldn't talk to them.

would u cut them?

If Fifth Harmony was unable to perform at the nhl All Star...

They can still have an option to work from home via satellite.

Did you hear about that kid that was hit with a metallic water container?

It lead to serious bottle-ly harm.

For the English

Q: What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?
A: U.K. ?

Harm joke, For the English

jokes about harm