Harm Jokes
47 harm jokes and hilarious harm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about harm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the use of self-harm jokes in the era of social media and how the audience's enjoyment of this form of humor can be seen as a form of anguish infliction.
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Funniest Harm Short Jokes
Short harm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The harm humour may include short hazard jokes also.
- TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand. Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
- TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
- The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers. At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.
- What should Steve Irwin worn the day he died? Sunscreen. Know why..?
Because it protects you from harmful rays. - Scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. It's probably better to just use an ashtray.
- No harm done. I got bit on the leg by a sheep today, didn't do too much damage though.
Just grazed the knee. - What do you smell if you (accidentally) burn a cat? Purr-fume...
No cats were harmed in the making of this joke! - I love vegans The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
- What's the difference between a hot girl and a mouse? One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.
- Smoking seriously harms you and others around you So smoke casually for the sake of public health
Share These Harm Jokes With Friends
Harm One Liners
Which harm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with harm? I can suggest the ones about hurt and injury.
- Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled? It didn't protect him from harmful rays
- I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
- Bad luck Steve Irwin. Puts on sunblock.
Doesn't protect against harmful rays. - Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock? It doesn't protect from harmful rays
- What happened when Steve Irwin forgot to put on sunscreen? He got hurt from harmful rays
- To people struggling with self harm Don't beat yourself up over it
- What do you call a self harming bovine? A moo-tilator.
- 9 out of 10 doctors say dying is harmful to your health. So did the other one.
- How much sunblock did Steve Irwin use? Not enough to stop the harmful rays.
- A Ph Alien's first conversation with a human "Amino harm, take me to your base!"
- Serial killers who claim another victim then turn themselves in do more harm then good
- What's Hillary Clinton's favourite musical instrument? Harm Monica
- Everyone said not to stare at the eclipse but I did anyway... I don't see any harm in it.
- Sunscreen isn't very effective... It didn't protect Steve Irwin from harmful Rays
- What kind of shirt makes you feel free from harm A safe-Tee
Great Harm Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about harm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean havoc jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make harm pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say in every friend group there is 1 willing to commit m**...
I killed the guy I suspected most before he could do any harm .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a knock at my door.
I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for m**....
I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."
"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"
I said, "Because you might find the c**...."
Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.
He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. Next day it's his turn to keep the log and he writes "N wind, calm sea, today the captain is sober."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I read that the average group of friends has 1 m**......
Greg was acting very suspicious latetly so I had to kill him before he could do any harm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say there is a m**... in every group
I thought it's jack, so i killed him before he could harm somebody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A religious monk is approached by a demoness.
She tells him he must choose between three evils:
1. Kill a goat.
2. Drink alcohol.
3. Have s**... with her.
Knowing they are all against his good judgment, he decides to do whichever causes the least harm, so he drinks the alcohol.
He then proceeds to kill the goat and have s**... with the demoness.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous b**... harm...
Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...
I tried incubating some chicks but turns out my rooster is sterile.
Oh well.
No harm, no fowl.
Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed
That's when he's most likely to elf harm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obi-Wan Kenobi was arrested last night
He's being charged with Grievous b**... Harm
What's a harmless person's favorite chord?
B9
A bee got in our house and I my wife freaked...
She yelled, "get it out but don't harm it". So I got a shot glass and a playing card and carefully trapped and released the little guy out back. When I returned my wife said, "well, what happened? And I replied...
Don't worry. Bee Happy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's no harm in trying
Unless you try to commit s**...,that will s**... real bad
My uncle Fred used to say " What you can't hear can't harm you"
*used to*
He was killed by ninjas.
If anyone one of my friends made a self harm joke I wouldn't talk to them.
would u cut them?
If Fifth Harmony was unable to perform at the nhl All Star...
They can still have an option to work from home via satellite.
Did you hear about that kid that was hit with a metallic water container?
It lead to serious bottle-ly harm.
For the English
Q: What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?
A: U.K. ?
Was talking to a friend about taking many baths a day.
"There's no harm in taking baths repeatedly unless you are soap."
Cheerios has been giving out seeds to help save the bees but in doing so the seeds have been found to harm certain ecosystems instead.
So wouldn't that make Cheerios a cereal killer?
Ross's sister had a fear of wind instruments
So Chandler played the drums.
He didn't want to Harm Monica.
Did you hear about the car which caused physical harm to another car?
It got charged with battery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... walked up to the President and wrote on his forehead with Sharpie. No harm was done...
But it immediately made headlines.
So my friend went duck hunting the other day, but didn't get anything
I told him it was alright. No harm no fowl.
