Following is our collection of funny Hardware jokes. There are some hardware specs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hardware hardware store puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
To advertise, he rents a billboard, puts up a picture of Jesus nailed to the cross, with the caption: They used Goldberg's nails.
His son, upon seeing this, exclaims to his father, You can't use that! It will cause antisemitism!"
So Goldberg exchanges it for a picture of Jesus's body laying on the ground, hands bloodied, with the caption: They didn't use Goldberg's nails.
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
None, it's a hardware problem!
Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.
None. We don't address hardware issues.
...and says: I'd like a job please . The hardware store owner says: We don't hire talking dogs, why don't you go join the circus? The dog replies: What would the circus want with a plumber .
-Steven Alan Green
He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.
"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"
"No sir, it kills them."
None. That's a hardware problem.
So a woman goes into a hardware store to buy a hinge for a door.
She puts the hinge on the counter, and the guy says, "Excuse me lady, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
And she says, "No, but I'll blow you for that lawn mower."
None, it is a hardware issue!
I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"
You can explore hardware programmers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hardware repair dad jokes. There are also hardware puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.
A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"
"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.
none. That's a hardware problem
but have you tried turning it on and off again?
It will be called the Broken Home Depot.
One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.
I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.
I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.
She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a pedo-meter."
none, its a hardware issue.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
His hardware was Microsoft
It's a hardware store.
The clerk says, "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
The woman replies, "No thanks, but I'll blow you for a toaster."
"Any two-watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That'll do. I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn't have any. "
"Any what?"
"Yes please."
They always send me a blind guy.
I'm sorry, that appears to be a hardware problem.
People at the hardware store were pretty mad too.
One records and reads all of your personal data, and the other is a hardware standard.
When I said I wanted the latter, I was surprised when the employee brought me a ladder
The cashier asks, Hey, are you polish?
The man then responds, You think I'm polish just because I ordered a Polish sausage? If I ordered a wiener schnitzel would you think I'm German? If I ordered sushi would you think I'm Japanese? If I ordered Pizza would you think I'm Italian?
The cashier responds, No, it's just that this is s hardware store.
Man: Hello, I'm doing some work on my house exterior and need to get to the siding and onto the roof.
Employee: Well, we have a wide range of ladders that will do the trick. There's a 3-step ladder that will be perfect for the siding, and an extending ladder that will get you up on the roof. Do you want them both?
Man: I'll take the former now and the latter ladder later.
I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"
Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"
Me: How much acceleration would it need ?
Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.
He asks the clerk for some nails and the clerk says "ok sure, how long do you want them?" and the customer says "well I'd like to keep them." : )
and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies
"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, lightbulbs are hardware.
The horse goes into the hardware shop.
Horse: I would like to have a pound of bread!
Clerk: sorry but we have only pink.
Horse: no problem I came with bike.
One to fetch the ladder, one to go back to the hardware store to get the right bulb, another to look up and say "yep", and the rest to just stand around, debating charcoal vs gas.
So my grandpa just told this joke, it goes something like this:
A man walks into a hardware store looking for some nails, the shopkeeper walks up to him and asks how long do you want them mate? , the man responds nah I wanna keep em
Not sure if this has been posted before but I thought it was funny :)
"Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant.
"No, it kills them."
Luckily I got the first punch in.
One that turns his software into hardware.
Got any 2 watt bulbs?
For what?
That'll do I'll take two.
Two what?
I thought you didn't have any.
Any what?
Ok then!
He says No, it kills them.
"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."
looking for something to rid of a wasp problem. After 10 mins of walking around the store all he can find is ant spray. So he goes up to the counter and asks the clerk, Is this any good for wasps? Without a word, the clerk takes the can from his hands, reads the back for ingredients. No. he replied, That'll kill them.
I hate long good buys.
Zero, thats a hardware issue.
You turn my software into hardware
"Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That'll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn't have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes please!"
"Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant.
To which she replies "No, it kills them."
"I'd like a pound of Kielbasa"
Clerk: you must be a Polack
Pole: why do you say that? If I asked for bratwurst, would you call me a Kraut?
Clerk: No
Pole: If I asked for Italian Sausage, would you call me a Dago?
Clerk: No
Pole: then why are you calling me a Polack when I ask for kielbasa?
Clerk: this is a hardware store
It's a little buggy.
The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, You're Polish, aren't cha?
The man looks surprised and says, Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?
The clerk replies, It's because this is a hardware store.
None, it's a hardware problem.
Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
It's called the iBrowser
We'd be in direct competition with Lowe's.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hardware dev jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working hardware computer hardware piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.