Hardest Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He's explaining Facebook to old people.

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was HIV+

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?

All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.

A blonde is working on a puzzle...

She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"

The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"

She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."

The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Say what you want about Putin but he's the world hardest working president,

He has to run two countries instead of one.

What is the hardest part about admitting you are a gay lion?

Having to swallow your pride.

What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS?

Acting surprised

Egyptian alcoholics are the hardest to talk to.....

They are always in denial.

What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book?

Putting it down

I recently joined a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest.

What's the hardest part about an ex saying they're HIV positive?

Trying to act surprised

What's the hardest part about getting twenty one year olds drunk?

Slipping the booze into their baby bottles without the parents noticing

What was the hardest thing for Louis CK when he had to leave his disrespectful kids home alone?

Getting someone to watch his little jerks.

What's the hardest tea to swallow

Reality

Know what's the hardest thing about having sex with a Japanese girl?

Trying to find an octopus at 11PM.

The thing about ice skating ...

No matter how good you are, the hardest part is always your nipples.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

What's the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

"Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" asked the taxi driver.

"Is it his shield?" I asked.

A friend of mine jointed a nudist camp last week

he said the first day was the hardest.

What is the hardest part about firing a black man?

Waiting for him to show up.

the hardest part about hitting a child in public...

is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.

I recently joined a nudist colony..

The first week was the hardest

What's the hardest part about being black and jewish?

Having to rob your own banks.

What's the hardest about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in...

I vacationed at a nudist colony this past summer...

the first few days were the hardest.

People say the hardest part of the first date is the first kiss.

No idea what they mean, the hardest part of my first date was getting her to take the sleeping pills.

What's the hardest part of rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay.

What's the hardest part about dumping a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

What's the hardest part about eating a brownie?

Having to face her parents at the sentencing.

What's the hardest thing about having an affair with a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice right

What's the hardest part of being a gay black cop?

The discrimination.

What is the hardest part about roller skating?

Telling your parents that you're gay

Do you know what the hardest part of rollerblading is?

Telling your father you are gay.

What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?

Figuring out what to tell you about first.

Louis C.K. is the hardest working comedian in the business

He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.

What's the hardest part of skydiving?

The ground!

My Cousin's Wedding Night

On my cousin's wedding night he approached our grandfather and asked, "Pap, you and gram have been married for 56 years. Can you give me any advice on my wedding night?"

My grandfather responded, "take the hardest thing you got and put it where she pees."

My cousin thought for a moment and then asked, "why would I put my bowling ball in the toilet?"

What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you found a place that still sells rollerblades.

What is the hardest thing about being in Hypochondriacs Anonymous?

Admitting that you don't have a problem.

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in....

What's the hardest thing about becoming a lawyer in Ireland?

Passing the bar.

What's the hardest number to say?

... 70 because after 69 your mouth's full.

A man was being chased in the woods by a lion who was going to eat him...

He ran his hardest, but the lion was advancing quickly. Just as it looked like the end for him, he decided on a last ditch effort. Being Catholic, he looked to the sky, dropped to his knees, and desperately prayed. "Lord!" he exclaimed. "Make this lion a Christian!" Instantly the lion pressed his paws together and prayed "For this meal in which I am about to partake..."

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

Do you know what's the hardest about being a narcissist?

Well, when I'm looking in the mirror, me.

What's the hardest thing about riding a scooter?

Telling your parents you're gay

What's the hardest part about eating a vegtable?

The wheelchair.

The hardest thing about being a pedophile

Is fitting in

What's the hardest part about roller skating?...

Telling your dad you're gay.

Hardest job in the world is being a

Police sketch artist in China.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

finding enough protein to get the energy you need to tell everyone you have ever met that you are a vegan.

What's the hardest thing about eating baby vegetables?

Convincing the nurse that you're from the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Volkswagon were pretty dumb to name one of their cars 'Golf'

Why name a car after a slow and boring sport where the hardest part is driving

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?

Giving up cold turkey

What's the hardest part of rollerblading?

telling your dad that you're gay

My ex just called me, sobbing on the phone to tell me she has AIDS and I should get checked.

The hardest part is acting surprised.

What's the hardest part about drag racing?

Running in heels.

Do you know what the hardest job in the world is?

Being a straight guy with lisp trying to sell peanuts.

The hardest part about my grandmothers death?

Making it look like an accident.

Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base?

The Headless horseman

Holiday sex is the best sex ever.....

That was the hardest postcard from my wife to read!

What's the hardest thing about finding out that your sister has aids?

Acting surprised.

What's the hardest part about having Alzheimer's?

What's the hardest part about having Alzheimer's?

What's the hardest thing about skydiving?

The ground.

Elton John thinks that "sorry" seems to be the hardest word.

He clearly hasn't been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

What's the hardest thing about rollerblading ??

Telling your parents you're gay.

What's the hardest thing about being an audiophile?

Convincing the sound to get into your van.

What's the hardest thing in the world?

Putting it in soft.

The Hardest Day of my Life Was When Our Interior Design Class Went Camping.

It was pretty in tents.

What are the four hardest years of a police officer's life?

The first grade.

What's the hardest thing about eating vegetables?

The wheelchairs!

The M6 walks into a bar

The M6 walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'm the oldest and toughest motorway in Britain and if you don't give me a free drink, I'll smash your face in." The bartender, not looking for any trouble, gives him a free drink and the M6 goes to sit in the corner.
Seeing this, the M2 strides up to the bar and says "I'm the widest and hardest motorway in Britain. Give me a free drink or I'll smash your face in." The M2, with his free drink was still not satisfied and went up to the M6, starting a heated argument over who was tougher.
After a few minutes, a stretch of red tarmac walks into the bar. The M2 says "You want me to prove I'm tough, watch the state I'm gonna leave this bloke in."
The M6 says "I wouldn't do that if I was you. I've seen his type before. He's a cycle path."

My SO and I recently decided we don't want to have kids...

I think the kids are taking it the hardest

What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family?

Ending them.

The hardest part of my grandpa's death

Was making it look like an accident

What Is The Hardest Job In The World?

Sketching For Police Officers In China

What's the hardest part about roller blading?

Telling your parents you're gay.

What's the hardest part about working as a nurse or doctor at a women's hospital?

When you ask the patients "what's the problem?" They'll say "nothing"

I have the hardest time with numbers divisible by 2.

I can't even.

What's the hardest trick in skateboarding?

Getting a job

What's the hardest part about riding a scooter?

Telling your parents you're gay.

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

The road.

What are the funniest hardest jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Hardest? Well, here are the best Hardest puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Hardest pick up lines to share with friends.

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