Hard To Guess Jokes
53 hard to guess jokes and hilarious hard to guess puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hard to guess that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hard To Guess Short Jokes
Short hard to guess jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hard to guess humour may include short hard to understand jokes also.
- My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
- I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard. I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.
- An anti vaxxer tried the 10 year challenge... I guess it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard
- I live in the United States. Upon taking some classes in France I notice a gorgeous bombshell pass me. I check her out hard. I guess you could say I was really studying a broad.
- I'm a huge fan of ALL of Bruce Willis's work. I've seen every movie he's in. I guess you can say.. I'm a Die Hard fan.
- I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it but I guess old habits dye hard.
- The Nuns robes The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.
- I asked a German mathematician if he would tell me what the square root of 81 is. He said "*nein!*" and walked off. Guess that one was too hard for him.
- I live in a house between a crack den and a brothel. I guess you could say i'm between a rock and a hard place.
- My loose coins falls on the floor of my bedroom daily, often without my knowing. It just sits there for weeks sometimes until I pick it up. I guess you could say I have a hard time handling change.
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Hard To Guess One Liners
Which hard to guess one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hard to guess? I can suggest the ones about hard to solve and easy to guess.
- How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Take a guess, it's not hard.
- Accounting is hard I guess you could say its mentally taxing
- Prostitution is a real tough job... I guess you could say, it's real *hard*work.
- Apparently Frodo died m**...... I guess old hobbits really do die hard
Hard To Guess Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hard to guess you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean guessing game jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hard to guess pranks.
While on a date a women goes to the bathroom
Man: Uh.
.. wrong way that's the men's room
Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!
Man: It's not a big deal.
Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.
Man: ...............
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a grocery store and gets shot 3 times in the stomach during a robbery...
She is rushed to the hospital and all known tests are run on her. The doctor approaches her and tells her the children are all fine, but it's too late in the pregnancy to safely remove the bullets. They would fall out in their own time.
The woman gives birth to 3 healthy kids. Two girls, and a boy.
16 years later, the first little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
The mother reassures her daughter and explains the story to her.
The next week, the second little girl comes running in yelling "mommy mommy! I was peeing and a bullet fell out!"
So again, the mother reassures her daughter and explains the story.
The next week, the boy comes in distraught. There are tears running down his face and he is crying hard.
The mother takes a look at him worried and says "let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet fell out?"
The boy responds "no! I was m**... and I shot the dog!"
"Daddy! How was I born?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
Prince William visits the Royal Institute for the insane...
He inspects the facilities and has a cup of tea with the workers, just as his mother would have done. He then asks to speak to a few of the residents. The staff were hesitant to agree to the request, but seeing as he was the chief patron of the institute, they couldn`t say no.
After meeting a few crazy types, the prince found himself talking to a young man who appeared completely normal. The young man explained his situation, "Someone has made a mistake. I have no idea why I am here. As you can see from my behaviour I am perfectly fine and I could fit into the community immediately. I`ve written to a number of high ranking people but they refer me back to the manager here. I guess you are my only chance of getting released. Can you talk to someone on my behalf?"
Prince William was very impressed with the manner in which the young man spoke and promised that he`d do all he could for him. But as the prince got up to walk away and continue his tour, the young man punched him really hard in the back of the head.
The prince was stunned and turned to face the man who said, "That was just so you wouldn`t forget me."
Three nuns die and go to heaven...
...where St. Peter greets them and informs them that in order to get into heaven, they must answer a question apeice. The first nun, who happens to be a novice nun, goes first.
"For you," says Peter, "an easy question, because of your short time as a nun. Who were the first two people?"
"That's easy," replies the nun excitedly. "Adam and Eve."
"Congratulations," says Peter, "You're in." He beckons the second nun forward. The second nun has been with the church for ten years and knows quite a bit about her religion.
"For you," says Peter, "a moderately difficult question. What color was Eve's hair?"
"I've never... I've never actually studied that," replies the nun. "But I'll take a guess. Blonde?"
"Great job," says Peter. "You're in."
He turns to the third nun, who was the head nun of her church. "And for you, a most difficult question indeed. What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in Paradise?"
After a moment of thinking, the nun looks stumped. "Gosh, that's a hard one."
"Congratulations, you're in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shot the dog
A mother has three children, two girls and a boy. The boy has a BB gun and when he shot and broke a window the mother took the BB's and put them over the fridge. The children's hard of seeing grandmother lived with them and when she was cooking one day she accidentally baked the BB's into a cake, witch the children ate. Later one of the girls ran up to her mother crying and said "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" Then the other girl also came running up crying "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" The boy then came running up saying "MOM MOM!" The mother interrupted saying "Let me guess, you peed out a BB?" "NO!" He said "I was out behind the shed jerking off and I shot the dog."
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
Adam was feeling lonely...
so God created all of the animals to be his companions.
"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."
"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."
"A Woman? What's that?"
"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."
At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"
"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."
"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"
"An arm and a leg."
Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
72 virgins in Heaven
An 18-year-old s**... bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in t**... training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do s**..., can I have 72 prostitutes?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied,
"Actually, 72 virgins are here in heaven because b**... like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of s**.... So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite s**... ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"
The Church Bell
This church just lost there bell ringer and needed someone to ring the bell for them. They were holding auditions when a man with no arms came up to them and asked about the job. The priest asked the man " How are you going to ring the bell without any arms?" to which the man replied with " Like this." The man ran up to the top of the church and hit the bell with his face to make it ring. when he came down the priest said " Well I guess you got the job."
Over the years the man kept ringing the bell by hitting his face against the bell and causing it to ring, while, however, causing the man to be off balance. One day he went up to the bell, rung it again then slipped off the roof and landed hard onto the asphalt, killing him instantly. Two people found him dead in the parking lot, one asked the other " You know him?" to which the other said " Not really, but the face sure rings a bell."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...
The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."
A group of senior citizens were talking...
...at the breakfast table in a Palm Springs nursing home.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills makes me dizzy," another went on.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some day in Berlin
Yussel Rabinowitz and his wife Bessie were hiding from the n**... in a secluded Berlin basement.
One day Yussel decided to get a breath of fresh air, but while out walking he came face to face with Adolf h**... himself. The German leader pulled out a gun and pointed to a pile of horse-s**... in the street.
All right, Jew! he shouted, Eat that or I'll kill you.
Trembling, Yussel did as he was ordered. h**... began laughing so hard that he dropped his gun.
Yussel grabbed it and said, Now you eat, or I'll shoot!
The fuhrer got down on his hands and knees and began eating. While he was occupied, Yussel sneaked away and ran back to his basement. He slammed the door shut, bolted and locked it securely.
Bessie, Bessie! he shouted. Guess who I had lunch with today!
On one side of me was Dwayne Johnson, and the other, a stone fish.
I guess I was just between the Rock and a hard plaice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I get hard when looking at pictures of my own g**...
I guess it's just a narcissist-d**... thing
Daddy, How Was I Born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room onYahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googledeach other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!
Its snowing really hard...
It is really hard to see anyone in the outside world. I guess you could say I'm Snowden.
I used to watch lots of Bruce Willis movies, but now I don't.
I guess old habits Die Hard.
^Someone ^please ^slap ^me.
^
Every pizza can be a personal pizza if you try hard enough and believe in yourself
Ok so I'm not American but I guess this is a very American joke? I heard this today. Can anyone sort of explain it to me? Thank you !!
A teacher...
A teacher is playing a guessing game with her students:
"Alright class, I'm thinking of something: it's round, it's red"
An enthusiastic student interrupts
"Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, It's a tomato!"
"No, it's an apple" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
"Let's try again, I'm thinking of something: it's long, it's yellow"
The same student interrupts again "Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, it's a banana!"
"No, it's a pencil" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
Having gotten the hang of the game the student says "Teacher I have one for you, I'm thinking of something: it's in my pants, it's hard, it's got a head on it"
Blushing and embarrassed the teacher shrieks "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!!"
"No teacher its a quarter" he replied "But I like the way you think".
Timmy : I'm Hungary
Timmy : I'm Hungary.
Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.
Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.
Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.
Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !
Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.
Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.
Mum : Denmark your name on the can.
Timmy : Kenya do it for me?
Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it.
Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today.
Mum : It Tokyo long enough.
Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !
I'm baking a vegan cake but I hate vegans so I've been insulting the ingredients..
It's not having any effect though, I guess it's hard to get a rise out of chickpeas
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Super Bowl
Guess the Falcons were seeing how far hard they could throw a game, not a football...
My father has always been obsessed with Bruce Willis movies ...
I guess he was a die-hard fan ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandpa's Birthday
So my grandfather turned 90 last weekend, and my uncle, the class act that he is, thought it'd be a good idea to get a stripper one night, after we had the guys golf trip.
So she shows up, it's a bit awkward at first, but she's affable and it makes it a slightly better situation.
Eventually she goes up to the birthday boy and asks him "Do you want a super l**...?"
Grandpa thought long and hard and finally spoke up, "I guess I'll have the soup!"
I bought a package with pre-measured ingredients to make Vietnamese soup, but the instructions were so hard to follow I gave up.
No surprise, I guess--it was called PhoKit.
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
David Carradine , An American actor and martial Artist died due fatal a**... asphyxiation accident .
I guess you can say that ,
*Puts on Sunglasses*
He Died Hard!
Guess who
If you think YOU had a hard day...I just got done playing a game of Chinese "Guess Who!"
I wonder why I can't get any upvotes...
Guess I'll have to make myself happy with down votes. Can this post get more than 90 down votes please. I really worked hard on this one.
Respiratory pun (a breath of fresh air)
Once, I met a person whose lungs were so old that she had a hard time breathing out. I guess you could say that her lungs were past their expiration date.
I slammed my hand on my keyboard as hard as possible.
A bunch or letters showed up but not a single sound was made.
I guess I'm just the strong silent type.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I picked up a woman in a bar and we went back to her place. And I guess I was a little tired because I couldn't get an e**....
She got a little impatient and said "Go hard or go home!".
How to stay in class
A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"