Hard Rock Jokes
97 hard rock jokes and hilarious hard rock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hard rock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hard Rock Short Jokes
Short hard rock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hard rock humour may include short rock music jokes also.
- Life is hard in a band Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
- Letting go of a loved one is hard... But sometimes it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
- I remember once I was forced to choose between Dwayne Johnson and a lifetime supply of frozen fish. I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice.
- What happened to vin diesel when Dwayne Johnson pinned him against a brick wall? He found himself between The Rock and a hard place.
- Do you know what they call yo mama's legs? "Rock" and "Hard place". Why? Because everyone has been between them at some point in their lives.
- I live in a house between a crack den and a brothel. I guess you could say i'm between a rock and a hard place.
- The fish and chip shop near me has gone into liquidation Now the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice
- Who was the hottest female in mythology? Medusa, she made everyone who looked at her rock hard
- Lord of the Flies At the beginning of Lord of the Flies, piggy is portrayed as somewhat of a whimp, but toward the end of the book he's pretty into hard rock.
- Dwayne Johnson was named sexiest man alive... A lot of girls want to be stuck between the Rock and a hard place.
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Hard Rock One Liners
Which hard rock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hard rock? I can suggest the ones about heavy metal and rock solid.
- I was on a date with Medusa One look into her eyes, and I was hard as a rock.
- My pet rock was crippled in an accident It's been hard on all of us
- Trust me you should never punch rocks I found out the hard way
- Stumbled into a 80s gay bar I was stuck between a rock hard place and a hard rock phase
- What do you call a man falling down the stairs with a hard on? Rock and roll
- I tried to have a conversation with a rock. It was hard.
- I slept like a rock last night. I just laid there. All night. Hard.
- What kind of music do they play at stonehenge? Hard Rock.
- What do you call four rock-hard dudes chilling next to each other? Mount Rushmore
- My neighbor is really into music... Even his driveway is hard rock
- Help me! I can't choose what music to listen to. I'm stuck between rock and hard bass...
- What's a Neanderthal's favourite genre of music? Hard rock!
- Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe.
It's now called Shakey's. - I adopted a pet rock from the rescue shelter... They told me he's had a hard life.
- I like my men like I like my diamonds Perfectly cut and hard as a rock
Hard Rock Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hard rock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classic rock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hard rock pranks.
"Between a rock and a hard place" refers to Chuck Norris' fists.
Someone tried to stab Chuck Norris in the stomach, and the knife bent on his rock-hard abs.
I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
Why is crack a "Rock"?
Because it's as hard to get off as Alcatraz.
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Is it just my n**... or is it cold outside.
They're hard as rock.
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Pickup Lines
Everyone says you're an Angel, but I think you're Medusa because whenever I stare into your eyes I turn rock hard.
Do you like bad grades cause I can give you all the D's
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What's black, 10-inches long, rock-hard and filled with s**...?
The sock under my bed.
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Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?
Talk about hitting rock bottom.
ALTERNATE: What a hard-a**....
On one side of me was Dwayne Johnson, and the other, a stone fish.
I guess I was just between the Rock and a hard plaice.
A man tries to rob a record store...
... by stealing many valuable vinyls. However, a sharp-eyed-shopper caught him in the act. He shouted out, "Hey! This guy's trying to shoplift!" to the rest of the store. The thief tried to run away, but the shopper grabbed a record and threw it at the man, knocking him over. Several other shoppers noticed, and joined in on the act, ransacking the *Hard Rock* section for vinyls to throw at the thief, beating and bruising him all over with their throws.
Eventually, the mob ran out of vinyls to throw from the *Hard Rock* section. So, they went over the neighboring section, *Folk Rock*, and grabbed even more records to throw at the thief. However, to their astonishment, the records had no effect. The discs bounced off the man like he was invulnerable to them. Astounded, the sharp-eyed shopper asked, "How are you not getting hurt?"
The thief replied, "Styx and the Stones may break my bones, but Byrds will never hurt me."
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3 women were discussing their s**... lives..
The first one said-"My husband is like a h**...; big, strong and rock hard."
The second says-"My husband is like a Porsche; smooth, sleek and fast."
They look at the third one to speak up. She pauses for a second, and then says-"Mine's like an old Chevy.. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going."
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What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'?
Having a t**... with Dwayne Johnson
I once hung out with Dwyane Johnson and Danny Trejo...
...and I was literally stucked between the Rock and a hard face. ^^
If you're between a rock and a hard place ... Stop using crack.
Nobody knows why our shoemaker always makes the insides of his shoes rock-hard...
They say he was just born without a sole
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60 Years of Marriage
An old couple in their 80's are sitting in their rocking chairs on the front porch enjoying the day. Suddenly the wife reaches over and just slaps her husband across the face.
Flabergasted he looks at her and says "what was that for?"
She responds "that's for 60 years of bad s**..."
They continue to rocking on the porch.
A few minutes later the husband reaches over and smacks his wife hard enough that it knocks her out of her chair onto the porch.
With tears in her eyes she asks "what was that for?"
Her husband replies "that's for knowing the difference."
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Old couple is sitting on the front porch
Old couple is sitting on the front porch. Grandpa is sitting on the bench reading the newspaper, grandma is in a rocking chair knitting. They have been together since prom night. *Grandma seems angry, gets up from the chair goes to grandpa and slaps him so hard he drops the newspaper, his glasses fall on the porch breaking the lens in it.*
Grandpa seems more offended than angry and ask grandma:
*\- Why did you do this?*
grandma replies:
*\- Because throughout the 50 years of our marriage s**... with you was awful!*
Grandpa picks up the newspaper from the ground, fumbles with his lens. After about a minute, *grandpa gets off the bench walks to grandma and kicks out the rocking chair of grandma.* Grandma falls into the flowerbed, sweeps the dirt from her hair and asks grandpa:
*\- Are you out of your mind old f**...? What did you this for?*
grandpa replies:
*\- How do you know what good s**... is?!*
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So, I had s**... with Medusa the other night.
It was so great that even today I'm still rock hard.
What did the rock say to the other rock?
Im hard
What do you call a hard rock fan going through gender reassignment surgery?
A transition metal.
I once had a selfie with Dwayne Johnson at the Alcatraz Island (during an SF City Tour)...
Now I know what it feels to be stucked between The Rock and A Hard Place...
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Medusa was the hottest woman ever.
Every man who looked at her got rock hard.
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Who was the sexiest woman in greek myth?
Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.
What's 12" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry?
A dead baby.
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Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa?
Because you made me rock hard
Dirty Joke: I like to take a bath and blow Bubbles
Bubbles is my Grandpa. He died in the bathtub 6 weeks ago but is still hard as a rock.
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As the blood from your brain rushes down into your e**...
Everything in the middle gets stuck between a rock and a hard place
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My boyfriend wanted a t**... with Dwayne Johnson.
It was fun, but I wish we had gone a little slower with it, because I found myself between a Rock and a hard place pretty quickly.
Johny was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Than he calmed himself down and moved forward.
how did the rock get hard?
he used the mohr scale.
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I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
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Are you medusa?
Because you make me rock hard :)
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What do you call Dwayne Johnson with an e**...?
Rock hard
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What is both flaccid and rock hard at the same time?
Michelangelo's David
On a faraway island lived a solitary genius
On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.
His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the end he had to give up..
It simply proved too hard to draw Cong Clu's Ions from the experiments.
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My doctor was adamant that I should s**... a small rock to help ease my back pain.
It was a hard pill to s**....
A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.
She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.
The scientist approaches the man and says pardon me, sir, but what's your secret to long life?
The man says I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate milk for breakfast and eat burgers for lunch and dinner, and I wash it all down with a swig of hard liquor .
Wow! exclaims the scientist. Exactly how old are you?
26.
Anything is a rock
If you believe hard enough
The weirdest thing happened to me today, Dwayne Johnson was holding me down wgilst a fishmonger hit me with a frozen fish.
I was stuck between The Rock and a hard plaice
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I've Always Had A Fettish For Medusa
She always makes me rock hard
One time, I got squashed against a giant frozen fish by Dwayne Johnson
I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice.
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What's a hard rock p**...'s favorite band?
Mephallica
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Did you hear about the medusa who was smokin' hot?
One look at her made every man rock hard
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Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?
I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.
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Medusa must have some really s**... eyes
I mean they get everyone rock hard
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I have an unhealthy s**... attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since
I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.
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Little known fact: Medusa was actually incredibly attractive...
Every guy who saw her got hard as a rock immediately.
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Me: *staring at Medusa's b**...*
Medusa: "Hey buddy, my eyes are up here."
Me: *already rock hard*
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Medusa must have been super hot.
Every guy that looked at her got rock hard.
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Why is medusa tha sexiest woman?
One look at her and youre rock hard!
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What do you call a lady with a rock hard body having s**... with a paper thin lady?
Rock scissors paper
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Went on a date with Medusa…
It was awkward. I was rock hard the whole time.
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Have you ever heard about how beautiful Medusa was?
They say that everyone that saw her got rock hard.
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If Medusa had bigger b**......
There would be less rock hard men.
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A golfer is playing a par 4 hole.
His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of m**... Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.
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In the Irish army there is a s**... famous for eliminating targets by bouncing his shots off of rocks and other hard surface
His name is Rick O'Shea
Sisyphus walks into a bar…
And he asks the bartender for a whiskey.
The bartender asks, On the rocks?
Sisyphus just gives him a long, hard look and says, Buddy, it's been a long day, and I'm really not in the mood.