Hard Jokes
160 hard jokes and hilarious hard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of hard jokes! These funny jokes are sure to get you laughing out loud.
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Funniest Hard Short Jokes
Short hard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hard humour may include short heavy jokes also.
- My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - my wife left me because i'm obssesed with africa kenya believe it?
and we have two kids together, this divorce is ghana be so hard on them - I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
- Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!" - A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
- For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
- I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic... Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago
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Hard One Liners
Which hard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hard? I can suggest the ones about soft and rough.
- I don't get why people say cancer is hard to beat I'm already on Stage 4
- How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
- When I was young, I was poor. After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
- Braille isn't that hard to learn... You just have to get a feel for it
- What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s? Your spine
- Why is it so hard to do inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally-ban.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally.
- My wife and I decided to not have kids the kids took it pretty hard
- Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long? Because old Hobbits die hard...
- Friend: "how hard is it to get upvotes on reddit?" I told him it was a piece of cake.
- Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships? Their X is always a 10.
- They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
- My favourite Haiku Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you - Went to the doctor's today, he told me I was going deaf That news was hard for me to hear
- Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend? Bad dates.
Working Hard Jokes
Here is a list of funny working hard jokes and even better working hard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
- Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
- David was hard at work... it was really quite awkward for his coworkers.
- I got fired from my job.. ..for being a pervert
I don't understand why, though, I'm always hard at work. - I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up I now suffer from anxiety and depression
- I always wanted to be an exorcist So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- So there I was hard at work Then all of a sudden my boss tells me to step out of the meeting because I was making my colleagues uncomfortable
- A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.
- Working with horses is hard but it's stable work.
Hard Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny hard man jokes and even better hard man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Becoming a garbage man isn't hard.... you just pick it up as you go along.
^^^*I'm* ^^^*terribly* ^^^*sorry* - A young woman walks into a dry cleaner She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"
She responds, "No, it's yogurt" - What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard? His last name
- I told my date that a man like me is hard to find, and she didn't believe me. So I said, "Just ask the police."
- A man is caught staring so hard at his marriage certificate by his wife... She asks him what he's looking for.
He replies, "oh just the expiration date!" - A man works hard to name an interval equal to 24 hours. so he calls it a day.
- What do you call a Mongol leader who swindles people out of their hard earned cash? Ghengis Khan Man.
- What do you call a man who boasts of three erections per day? A tri-hard.
- In the bible, Samson was a tough man. But his father Samsonite was a real hard case.
- Why did the man quit working at the cemetery? It was hard to make a living.
Hard Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny hard day jokes and even better hard day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They Say "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". Sure enough... All of these felony convictions are making it awfully hard to get a job.
- Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
- I was driving around in my tricycle all day I worked it so hard, it lost a wheel. The tricycle is two tired now.
- I would like to be poor one day. Because being poor everyday it's hard...
- I learned the other day that a group of baboons is called a Congress I found it extremely insulting to the hard work and productivity of baboons.
- I don't understand why people say it's hard to quit smoking I have done it twenty times a day for years now.
- My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am He's likes to work hard in the mornings
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away... ... If you throw it hard enough
- Why is it hard for Liam Neeson to enjoy Valentine's Day? Because all the girls are taken
- Two blondes talking... "I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
"Oh dear, were the questions hard?"
Hard Of Hearing Jokes
Here is a list of funny hard of hearing jokes and even better hard of hearing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a little boy made of pasta who comes to life? Pi-gnocchi-o
(I really wish you could hear how hard I'm laughing to myself) - A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA
- I hear cancer is hard to beat No one got past stage 4.
- Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Did you hear about the two mute people who were telling each other jokes? They laughed so hard they broke their fingers.
- [OC] Did you hear the political interview in regards to homosexuality? It was hard to get a straight answer.
- Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week? They're having a hard time moving inventory now.
- Did you hear about the guy who watched that new Bruce Willis film five times in a row? He was a Die Hard fan.
- Did you hear about the guy and girl who mutually decided to break up because the guy had ED? There were no hard feelings.

Cheerful Hard Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about hard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tough jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hard pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
A woman walks into a dry cleaner...
and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married couple of 20 years are lying in bed
The man rolled over and said to his wife, "Hey, honey, I have a hard on that I just can't get rid of. Think you wanna help?"
The wife turned around and stripped n**....
The husband then rolled back over, closed his eyes, and said, "thanks, honey, that did the trick!"
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Must be one-of-a-kind...
Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly s**....
"What did the egg say to the p**... of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."
What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
Went to the hardware store today...
I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"
Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...
One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two boys are in the woods...
...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting n**... in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see n**... chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a n**... girl before I'm married, I'll turn to stone and I felt something getting hard!"
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts
The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop m**...". Man says "why?"
Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"
Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."
I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... identify as a brick.
I'm always hard and I've only been laid once.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy is hit by a bus...
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A co-worker found out I'm 'semi-retired.' "What's that like?" he asked.
"It's like being semi-e**.... It ain't too hard, but you still can't do what you want."
Original content, as far as I know. I actually said this at work today. We laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The UK Government has decided to make l**... legal as a drug for weight loss
It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton...
She isn't getting paid for it
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
The kid runs up to a policeman
"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?
Skinning the vegan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?
Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]
As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking m**...".
It's hard on your joints.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm 60 days clean now.
It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had h**... to help me through it.
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Husband: "I want a divorce...
My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months"
Lawyer: "Think about it once again.Wives like that are hard to find."
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.
I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".
I like the smell of mothballs.
But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Raising children is hard as a trans parent
They see right through me
Bringing her home to meet mother
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:
Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the right sock, no matter where it is located in the universe.
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,
"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "
A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.
The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.
In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of v**... but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?
I can't believe how many people don't understand erectile dysfunction.
I mean, it's not hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recently got a second job as a bartender at a s**....
Ive never worked so hard before in my life.
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless c**..."
to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"
Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!
Well, I started to, I mean, Its hard, and I got a lot to do...
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November
It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly m**... all day.
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"
But it's just a curd to me
A Husband and Wife at Custody court
The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?
Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him
Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.
Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?
The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?
A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.
A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"
"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."
I'm 25 years old and finally decided to tell my parents and the rest of my family that I don't want kids
The look on my mom and dad's face was pretty judgmental, but my wife and two children took it really, really hard.
The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...
..."This is the whey"
(Sorry)

