Happy People Jokes
115 happy people jokes and hilarious happy people puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about happy people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Happy People Short Jokes
Short happy people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The happy people humour may include short happy mood jokes also.
- I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying that it's their cake day just so people can wish them a happy birthday. You won't catch me doing that today.
- What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness? Me, I'm a divorce lawyer
- Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the one who had a dream.
Happy mlk day - Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy new year! - Some people call their mistakes "happy accidents" But some people get more creative and give them cute little names like Nathan or Thomas, just like my parents did.
- I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded... 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
- Some people like to call their mistakes "happy accidents." Others get creative and give them cute little names like Nathan, or Thomas, like my parents did.
- People always ask me how I know so many Dad jokes. Well it's because I keep them in a Dad-a-base.
Happy Father's Day! - Happy Birthday! Most people don't make their own jokes, but X years ago your parents made you!
- You know you're getting old when when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Happy Cake Day to me!
Share These Happy People Jokes With Friends
Happy People One Liners
Which happy people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with happy people? I can suggest the ones about happy feel and happy.
- 99.99% of people are idiots I'm just happy I belong to the 1%
- What blood type do happy people have? B Positive.
- Why are gay people always so happy? 'Cause they can't keep a straight face!
- Imagine how happy barn owls were .... when people finally started making barn.
- Why are short people always sad? They cant reach happiness
- If blind people could see how the world is today I think they'd be pretty happy
- What are the advanteges of a long distance relationship? All four people are happy.
- Some people create happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.
- Why are people at Star Wars conventions so happy? Because of the Endor-fans.
- Short people are always sad Because they can never reach happiness
- Some people cause happiness wherever they go while some, whenever they go
- Some people brings happiness wherever they go I bring happiness whenever I go
- Happy Birthday to Thomas Jefferson! The founding father of light-skinned black people.
- People with one syllable names... ...really ruin the Happy Birthday Song.
- What do you call the happy fellow that brings death to the people? The grin reaper
Uproarious Happy People Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about happy people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean happy days jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make happy people pranks.
A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s i**... to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!
A third old woman, full of happiness, asks her granddaughter; "My sweety, remind me please.. What’s the name of that German guy that blew my mind off...?"
"Alzheimer, granny!"
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!
At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.
The trick to really enjoying someone's company is to not spend a lot of time with them.
All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart... I'm just happy I didn't bite anyone today.
People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.
Scientists are concerned the legalization of m**... in Canada may result in an entire nation of overly friendly and polite people.
Irish cream
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. " The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "
Valentine's Day for people who are single.
For people who are sad about being single: it's called Single Awareness Day
For people who are happy about being single: it's called Single Independence Day
For people who just don't care about being single: it's just called Thursday
For people like me: I call it Date With My Right Hand otherwise known as Everyday
The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request
Mr President, we need help. Our largest c**... factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!
Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.
We do need your help, said Putin.
Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.
Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.
Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?
No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.
Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.
Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.
Easily done. Anything else?
Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."
From the AnnCoulter AMA...
Dogs are better than people and I can prove it: Put your ex and your dog in the trunk of your car and drive around like crazy for an hour. Open the trunk. Who's happy to see you?
Why shouldn't happy people hang out with crustaceans?
They get crabby! Badum tsss.
The Trids and the Giant
Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for a giant that lived on the mountain. The giant would often terrorize the Trids.
The Trids, tired of the giant, sent a group led by the community's minister to reason with the giant. But before they could even say one word the giant kicked them down the mountain. The Trids thought maybe this was because the giant was Catholic, so they sent another group, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached, the giant once again kicked them all down the mountain.
The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the giant was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they asked a rabbi of a different community for help. The Rabbi led a group of Trids up the mountain. The giant saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, knowing the giant's past, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the giant. The giant laughed and replied
"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
I work with mentally disabled people. Today I tried to tell a client the nacho cheese joke.
"Hey, you have nachos! What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
"Tasty!" -Holds up a-okay sign-
"...Well...you aren't wrong!"
Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
Lorraine and Clearly
A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the f**..., People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the f**... he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"
Kennedy, Charles De Gaul, and Khrushchev ask god. . .
Kennedy: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 25 years.
Kennedy weeps and walks away.
Charles De Gaul: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 50 years.
Charles De Gaul weeps and walks away.
Khrushchev: God, when will my people be happy?
God weeps and walks away.
High Spirits
When people are happy, they are in high spirits. When they are not, they are high on spirits.
Birthday at the old-age home
So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous b**... blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super s**...."
Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."
I tell people that money can't buy happiness.
It reduces the odds of being robbed.
Why do happy people like to sleep in late?
Because they aren't mourning people.
I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.
Why is Jesus happy people hang pictures of him?
It only takes one nail to put him on a wall.
My Indian colleague asked me if black Friday is some how related to black people, I said yes and its manners to wish them "Happy b**... Friday".
People say money is not the key to happiness
But with enough money, you can have a key made.
How are rookie marathon runners like people with erectile dysfunction?
There both just honestly happy to finish
In a way, I'm happy that Brexit happened.
Now I don't need to correct people when they refer to the UK as England.
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
Obama, Clinton, and Trump are on a plane...
.... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy!
The pilot pops his head around the corner and says "I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy".
People say money can't buy happiness...
They must have never met a Russian Olympic medalist then.
Learning to write jokes is like when you first start having s**......
You think it's easy and it's gonna make people happy but you end up just leaving people feeling confused and disappointed
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on a plane...
Suddenly Mike Pence says "I can throw 100 dollars out of the plane and make 100 people happy".
Donald says "I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy".
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."
A rabbi comes home and tells his wife
A rabbi comes home and tells his wife: "Honey, I made seven people happy today. I had three couples married."
"Who's the seventh person?" asks the wife.
"Do you really think I did it for free?" says the rabbi.
What's the difference between pushy people and Alabaman men?
Pushy people are insisters.
Alabaman men are in sisters.
P.s. Happy National Siblings Day!
Money can't buy happiness.
It just makes other people look more miserable.
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven
At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.
People who are twins are so happy about it...
They are beside themselves.
What starts with M and ends with E that makes people happy for the rest of their lives
Me I am a divorce lawyer.
Some stereotypes just aren't true, not all gay people are flamboyant and constantly happy
Some of them are l**...
What makes9/10 people happy?
g**...
Always remember that other people aren't responsible for your happiness.
They're responsible for your unhappiness.
There are 2 types of people.
The 88% that is normal and the 22% that is r**....
I'm happy that i'm in that 88%.
Kim Jong Un and Putin are riding in a plane together
When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"
The Washing Machine Criminal
Around my city this guy called Cal had been breaking into houses destroying the washing machines by placing a brick in them.
He did it for 2 months, the police never caught him.
Recently he was found dead. I'm never happy about people dying but on the bright side.
Washing machines live longer with Cal gone...
The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."
"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."
Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."
"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian President.
"I don't know," Trump answers, "I can't read Hebrew."
A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles
And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."
What's the difference between making people happy and disappointing them?
One is a great way to lift spirits and the other is a great way to
Their are two types of people in this world
Those who stay and those who run. Glad you picked the latter. Happy fathers day
A joke from my five year angel of a girl: what did the people say to the people?
*Do you want to kill each other because we're friends?*
Happy humanity everyone, it was a nice ride.
Some people are like slinkies...
Not really good for much, but they do make you happy when you push them down the stairs.
Tightrope walkers are often very happy people.
Because they have a balanced lifestyle.
What makes 9/10 people happy
Gang r**...
I just watched Black Hole Sun at 4 in the morning
And now I have fears of strange happy people and epileptic seizures. Thank you Chris Cornell.
"We've had complaints about you," said my boss.
"What are they?" I asked.
"They're what people make when they aren't happy with something," my boss replied.
Why does killing people in GTA make me happy?
It's the only time I'm ever wanted
Unlike most people, I'm happy that Trump pulled out of Paris.
Can you imagine how narcissistic their kids would have been?
Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with s**... people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."
What did people say in January, to celebrate Van Gogh's new prosthetic?
Happy New Ear!
The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC
Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"
As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...
they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.
♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫
Why is Santa white?
Because that's the only way to convince people to be happy for a guy to come down their chimney while they slept
100K people are having s**... right now.
75,000 are kissing
50,000 are hugging
And you? Well, you're reading this.
^(Trust me, I'm not happy about this either)
My friend doesn't believe in wishing people for any occasion. But she makes an exception on one day for me.
Happy fools' day.
Bride
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to f*c**..., mother," the bride-to-be interrupted.
"I want you to teach me your lasagna recipe."
You know what actually makes me laugh?
People trying to be unique as possible when it comes to making people saying happy cake day to them
South of the border
You know what, I don't care what people say but south of the border there is the country with senseless violence, looting, drugs etc. that I would not dare to touch with a ten feet pole!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I am so happy I live in Canada!
