The Best 66 Happy Birthday Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Happy Birthday jokes. There are some happy birthday happily jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these happy birthday jolly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Happy Birthday Jokes and Puns

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card.



She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual.

The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”

The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?

"

Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."

Happy Birthday! You're now living proof of the old saying that "

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."

Happy Birthday joke

Happy birthday, Bono. I wanted to get you the perfect present, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.

Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.

Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."

His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."

Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"

(My best friend's son came up with this, happy birthday Dave!)


Happy Birthday Henry

Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a hooker to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super sex."

Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."

Happy Birthday!

Most people don't make their own jokes, but X years ago your parents made you!

Happy Birthday joke, Happy Birthday!

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.

We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.

I was sitting on the couch naked.

Bought my wife a burka for her birthday

She wasn't too happy. Said she won't be seen in it

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

You can explore happy birthday cheery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean happy birthday festive dad jokes. There are also happy birthday puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Selfless until the end.

For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."

Birthday at the old-age home

So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super sex."

Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."

Happy Birthday Ray Rice!

I offered to bring punch to the party but, his wife said she already had enough.

Helping your neighbour South African Style

Hello, is this the South African Police?
Eish-Yes. What you want?
I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.
Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society suh
The next day, the Police descends on Hendrik's house. They search the braai lapa (BBQ area) where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga (Cannabis) . They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
Hey, Hendrik! Did the Police come?
Ja! (Yes!)
Did they chop your firewood for the braai (BBQ) tonight?
Ja… (Yes...)
Happy birthday my friend!

My girlfriend was surprised and happy when I handed her my wallet before she went out with her girlfriends for her birthday. The look on her face soured however when she held the gooey cash in her hands.

I think she misunderstood me when I said I recently came into some money.

Happy Birthday joke, My girlfriend was surprised and happy when I handed her my wallet before she went out with her girlf

Happy birthday amazing cup cake wallpapers,chocolate cake pictures

Amazon's birthday

Today is Amazon's birthday. Many happy returns, Amazon!

A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...

So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.

"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.

"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"


Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

A local candle shop burned down...

it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.

The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he's hit by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.

"What a shame" his dad said.

"He should have quit while he was ahead"

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

The lawn looks great, thanks!

Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe.

Happy Birthday Isaac Newton.

Happy 47th birthday, teens logging into adults-only websites!

And the same to anyone else whose birthday actually *is* January 1st, 1969.

Important copyright notice

Remember, if you sing "Happy Birthday" to the Queen, it is still *not* royalty-free.

What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?

I'll column later.

I am against picketing, but I don't know how to show it

Happy Birthday man, we miss you

What do you sing at a twins bat mitzvah?

Happy birthday two Jews

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!

(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Late Night Political Jokes

"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon

"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers

Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth

Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!!

Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you.

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

Have you ever screwed up so bad that instead of fixing the problem you just decided to see how it played out?

I'll never do that again, Happy Birthday - Mom

I got my drug dealer arrested the other day

Maybe next time you'll wish me happy birthday, mom

My doctor sang this to me at my birthday

"Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"

My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.

She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

What did the time traveler say at the birthday party?

I'd tell you happy birthday, but to me, you've been dead for centuries ⚡️

Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great oral sex!

But Oh no! Not my sister!

"I'm 29 years old today..."

"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.

Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...

"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.

"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."

"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."

(based on a true story)

I'm so happy that 20th of April has so much attention!

Otherwise we would have forgotten Hitler's birthday! It's so nice of us to celebrate it.

Happy Birthday to anyone who was born today! Sorry your birthday had to be

Overshadowed.

I want to wish you a Happy Birthday in Chinese.

yung no mo !

Facebook Birthdays.

Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.

My wife got me a mood ring for my birthday

...it turns green when I'm happy and leaves a red mark on her head when I'm mad

What do you tell a bird for his/her birthday?

Happy Birdday!

I said to this Blonde Girl, I bet you a blow job I can sing a song with your name in it, she said OK you are on, my name is Susan.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Susan, Happy Birthday to You. You're the 14th Blonde I have sang to this week.

Today it's his birthday so what's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

Happy birthday Eric and sorry for the dark joke

For my birthday, I got loads of smiley face stickers, which I decided to send back to everyone.

Many happy returns.

Happy Birthday to Thomas Jefferson!

The founding father of light-skinned black people.

People with one syllable names...

...really ruin the Happy Birthday Song.

My wife suggested that it might be nice if I bought her some flowers for her birthday.

For some reason, she wasn't particularly happy when I handed over a bag of wholemeal, a bag of self raising and a bag of gluten free.

Wedding day and birthday

This married couple have a wedding day that is on the same day as the wife's birthday. When asked about it, the wife said:

"It's because he convinced me to. He said it's to make the most important day of my life twice as important as any other normal wedding day. I'm happy that he's the one I'm married to."

The husband, when asked the same question:

"It's easier to remember the date that way."

My favorite gift to give is uncertainty

Or is it?

Happy birthday.

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

What did the old Catholic priest say when he arrived at a 6 year old boys birthday party?

Happy birthday.

I overheard it was my co-worker's birthday tomorrow so I wished her a happy birthday eve.

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

You can Rob Boss today .

Saying it is a happy little accident for Bob Ross birthday .

Happy 65th birthday to Howard Stern

...And happy 20th to his hair, happy 30th to his legs, and happy 10th to his new teeth.

As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...

they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.








♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫

Today is 4/20 and we all know what that means -

Happy birthday, Adolf Hitler!

So a dad and his son go into a bar...

His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.

10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

Happy birthday to me. Or, as my dad likes to say...

"Happy nine months after *my* happy birthday"

A wonderful birthday poem

**MARCUS:** Happy birthday, Bob. I have a poem for you.
**BOB:** Cool! Let me hear it!
**MARCUS:** Don't worry about the past — you can't change it.
Don't worry about the future — you can't predict it.
And don't worry about the present — I didn't get you one.

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

"Why"? Putin asks

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."

"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the happy birthday happiest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working happy birthday joyful piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes