Happily Married Jokes
38 happily married jokes and hilarious happily married puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about happily married that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Happily Married Short Jokes
Short happily married jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The happily married humour may include short happy marriage jokes also.
- 2 tips for a happily married life.... Keep quiet when your wife is talking.
Don't talk when your wife is quiet. - My wife was at the doctor's and he told her she had a acute angina. She said thanks and all but she was happily married.
- A prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him.. And she said no.
The prince lived happily ever after. - The World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time a young man asked the fairest lady in the village to marry him. She looked him up and down and said "No."
He lived happily ever after. - A guy walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. The bartender says "single?" And the guy replies, "No—happily married, but curious.
- We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
- I've been happily married for two years. And the other fifteen years have been kinda.... meh.
- During a particularly good talk with my girlfriend, I decided to ask her to marry me... She said yes, and we kept talking, happily engaged in conversation.
Happy Valentines! - Did you hear the one about the happily married man? Of course your didn't. That isn't a real thing.
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Happily Married One Liners
Which happily married one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with happily married? I can suggest the ones about newly married and married people.
- I've been happily married for 3 years Out of a total of 20.
- My wife and i have been happily married for two years 2012 and 2017
- We are happily married She's happy, and I am married!
- My wife is a mute. We're happily married.
- If I cheated on my wife as much as she thought I did… I would be more happily married.
- So tell me Tim, are you happily married? Or is she happy and you are married?
- I've been happily married for ten whole years. And ten out of thirty isn't bad.
- A couple just got married And they lived happily ever after
- What do you call a happily married man? Divorced
- Fake out your friends! I Got Married in Vegas! jk | Happily never after!
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Happily Married Jokes
What funny jokes about happily married you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married life jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make happily married pranks.
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A happily married couple
There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?""My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth."
An old man goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss are on their way to lunch around the corner.
They detour through an alley and stumble on a beat up but valuable looking brass container.
The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief.
Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke.
The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish.
The HR chief is wide-eyed and ecstatic.
She says, "I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Jamaica with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life."
p**...! She disappears.
The sales chief says, "Wow! I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in New York, Paris, and Hong Kong."
Presto, he vanishes.
"And how about you?" asks the Genie, looking at the boss.
The boss scowls and says, "I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM."
Moral: Always let your boss speak first.
John and Bob were discussing their married lives.
Although happily married to their wives, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. John said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.” “Wow!" said Bob, “how did you manage that?” “It’s easy,” replied John, “my last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women are going back to visit the Catholic school that they grew up in, and they find the nun who taught them as children.
"So what have you young ladies been doing with your lives?" the nun asks.
The first woman responds, "Well, I've become an engineer, I'm married and I have three kids."
The second woman says, "I've become an accountant, and I'm happily married with two children!"
The third woman slowly responds, "Well... Um, I'm... I'm a p**......"
"You're a WHAT???" says the nun, furiously.
"Well... I'm a p**...."
"Oh, thank God," the nun says, "I thought you said you were a Protestant!"
