Happily Married Jokes
40 happily married jokes and hilarious happily married puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about happily married that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Happily Married Short Jokes
Short happily married jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The happily married humour may include short happy marriage jokes also.
- 2 tips for a happily married life.... Keep quiet when your wife is talking.
Don't talk when your wife is quiet. - My wife was at the doctor's and he told her she had a acute angina. She said thanks and all but she was happily married.
- A prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him.. And she said no.
The prince lived happily ever after. - The World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time a young man asked the fairest lady in the village to marry him. She looked him up and down and said "No."
He lived happily ever after. - A guy walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. The bartender says "single?" And the guy replies, "No—happily married, but curious.
- We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
- My wife and I have been happily married for 7 years. And today happens to be our 10th Anniversary!
- I've been happily married for two years. And the other fifteen years have been kinda.... meh.
- Pretty Ugly Joke Ahead What do you call an idiot who is *happily married*?
An oxymoron. - During a particularly good talk with my girlfriend, I decided to ask her to marry me... She said yes, and we kept talking, happily engaged in conversation.
Happy Valentines!
Share These Happily Married Jokes With Friends
Happily Married One Liners
Which happily married one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with happily married? I can suggest the ones about newly married and married people.
- I've been happily married for 3 years Out of a total of 20.
- My wife and i have been happily married for two years 2012 and 2017
- We are happily married She's happy, and I am married!
- My wife is a mute. We're happily married.
- I've been happily married for 5 years. Well, I guess 5 out of 20 isn't THAT bad...
- If I cheated on my wife as much as she thought I did… I would be more happily married.
- So tell me Tim, are you happily married? Or is she happy and you are married?
- I've been happily married for ten whole years. And ten out of thirty isn't bad.
- Ive been happily married for 10 years.. 10 out of 30 isnt too bad!
- A couple just got married And they lived happily ever after
- What do you call a happily married man? Divorced
- Fake out your friends! I Got Married in Vegas! jk | Happily never after!
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Happily Married Jokes
What funny jokes about happily married you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married life jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make happily married pranks.
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
A happily married couple
There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?""My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth."
An old man goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee..
...at a convention.
''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."
''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."
''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."
Blonde father
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"
The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and f**... whenever he wanted. THE END
BLOND FATHER
A blond man and a brunette woman were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital, and she gave birth to two baby boys.
The blond man turned to his wife and yelled, "All right, who's the other father?"
