The Best 61 Happily Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Happily jokes. There are some happily happily married jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these happily kindly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Happily Jokes and Puns

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time a young man asked the fairest lady in the village to marry him. She looked him up and down and said "No."

He lived happily ever after.

A bear walks in to a bar.

Bartender greets him and happily takes his order.

Bartender: What can I get you for?

Bear: Ill have a jack and......... coke.

Bartender: Why the big pause?

Bear: (looks at paws) I've had them all my life.

A woman gets up in the morning.

She enters the bathroom, brushes her teeth, gets dressed and finally steps onto the weighing scale.

She looks down to see the results, and suddenly starts screaming happily.

"HONEY, I've lost 6kg since yesterday!", she yells.

The husband looks up from his newspaper and answers:

"Don't be so surprised, you haven't put on your make up yet!"

Happily joke, A woman gets up in the morning.

I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life....

so long as I die by noon, thursday.

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"


Sam walks into his boss's office.

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?

The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.

The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having sex...

The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. "Well I guess that answers *that* question." he muttered.

Happily joke, The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having sex...

Yet *another* pirate joke

A young boy dressed as a pirate for Halloween and was happily trick-or-treating when he came upon this one house. He rang the bell and an older woman opened the door.

"Oh my," she said. "What a fearsome pirate. But tell me, please, where are your buccaneers?"

The little boy sighed and said, "Under my buccin' hat, lady. Where are your buccin' eyes?"

Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...

They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.

(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)

I happily dad joked my fiancΓ©

While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.

To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"

A prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him..

And she said no.

The prince lived happily ever after.

You can explore happily luckily reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean happily enthusiastically dad jokes. There are also happily puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


We are happily married

She's happy, and I am married!

One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no.

And the man lives happily ever after!

There's a Russian gay couple...

One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.

Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:

"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"

A guy is driving happily along in his car with

his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, Sir?"

"No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?"

"No," replies the officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat broad in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."

I've done some calculations, and I figure, that at my current rate of pay I could live happily for the rest of my life.

If I died tomorrow.

Happily joke, I've done some calculations, and I figure, that at my current rate of pay I could live happily for t

I've been happily married for 3 years

Out of a total of 20.

Me: What would you do if we won the lottery? Wife: I would take my half, leave you and live happily by myself.

Me: Promise?
Wife: Sure!
Me: Great, we won a 100 Pounds, here's your 50. Pack your bags.
And that's when the fight started…

Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.

The dog and I live happily together now.


TIFU by eating someone else's sandwich at work

After apologizing for my mistake, I kindly offered to take them to a restaurant of their choice after work. They happily agreed. We ended up going to a Chinese place. We had a good time. We're really good friends now.

Blonde father

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?

NSFW - What is the difference between a warehouse and a whorehouse?

One is stuffed with boxes, the other is where boxes get stuffed.

What do they have in common?

They both happily take your money so you can drop a load.

I've been happily married for 5 years.

Well, I guess 5 out of 20 isn't THAT bad...

A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"

I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

My wife is a mute.

We're happily married.

So tell me Tim, are you happily married?

Or is she happy and you are married?

My wife asked what I'd do without her.

Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.

Three friends: Nobody,Somebody and Mad used to live happily together

Once, Nobody and Somebody had a huge argument and in a fit of rage Somebody killed Nobody .

Horrified, Mad decided to call the cops.
Mad: Hello cops? Somebody just murdered Nobody! You need to come over quick!

Cop: What?

Mad: Somebody killed Nobody!

Cop: Sir, are you mad?

Mad: Yes sir! How did you know that?

I'm free! I'm free!

A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, I'm four! I'm four!"

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee..

...at a convention.

''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."

''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."

''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''

I was sitting in a restaurant. A girl came to me and asked me if I was single...

I smiled and happily answered "yes I am!

So she took the chair that was in front of me and went back to her table with it..."

An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?

"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "

Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?

"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."

I was sitting in a restaurant when...

A beautiful girl approached me and asked if I was single.

"Yes", I replied and she happily took the chair.

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End

Did you hear about the old couple that passed away decorating Easter eggs?

They dyed happily.

My wife and I lived happily for 20 years.

Then we met.

When I was a toddler, my Italian mother caught me in her study.

I'd gotten into a drawer full of Greek plays. She walked in to catch me tearing Hippolytus in half. I'd done the same to others as well. The Bacchae, Heracles, Madea. As I stood there, happily shredding what had to be a 120 year old text, she began flailing and screaming.

"My a-beautiful boy, why? Why-a Euripides?"

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend...

....who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

"Honey! I'm pregnant, and we'll be happily expecting a baby soon!"

Says the woman.

But her wife was not happy.

So, a woman and an inexperienced guy want to have sex...

She proposes doing 69, he doesn't know the position but agrees - doesn't matter had sex, he thinks.

They begin, she sucks and he licks happily away, but suddenly she has to fart. He pauses, shivers but continues.

Shortly after, she farts again. He pushes her off, puts on his pants. She begs him not to go, he answers: "sorry, I like you and sex is fun... But I won't take the other 67."

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.

The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"

My wife and I have been happily married for 7 years.

And today happens to be our 10th Anniversary!

A man and woman in bed

"Give me some", man begs.

"No. You've had too much," wife responds.

"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.

"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.

Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.

From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes

"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."

If I cheated on my wife as much as she thought I did…

I would be more happily married.

Which sultry-voiced singer will happily spit in your face?

Llama Del Rey.

A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.

The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says I'll have some H2O
He happily drinks the drink
The second scientist says I'll have some H20 too
The bartender gives him a drink, and the second scientist soon dies

The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the boy.

A local priest was walking down the street of his small town. He was happily humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house.

Hey there, kid said the priest with a kind smile, let me help you out. The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the boy.

Anything else I can do for you? he asked.

Yes, said the boy, nodding eagerly. Run! We've only got a few seconds before they come!

The most beautiful woman I've ever seen came up to my table in a restaurant and asked me if I'm single...

I happily replied,

"Yess..."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

A beetle was happily eating a cucumber, but then the cucumber suddenly was immersed in vinegar

As the beetle started to burn it thought, *"Uh oh, now I'm really in a pickle."*

This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help. That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.

"Boss," he said, "the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"

"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"

A redneck suffered a nasty fall...

So he visited a physician and sought treatment.

Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.

The redneck happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.

polygon

the guru was happily teaching math to the students at his home. He said

"5 sides --> pentagon"

"6 sides -->hexagon"

"8 sides -->octagon"

.....then suddenly, the guru got a sudden heart attack, he fell onto the ground making a loud "thud" sound and died on the spot. Hearing the sound, his wife came running from the other room and asked "what happened ?"

Guess what the students said ?

"--> gurugon"

A husband and wife lived happily for twenty years

and then they met

An old man goes to confession.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."

The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.

"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."

"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.

The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"

"I know what Daddy's password is!"

A child runs happily and says "Mommy! I know what Daddy's password is!"

Mom says: "That's nice dear. What's Daddy's password?"

Child says: It's an easy one! It is asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk !"

My wife and i have been happily married for two years

2012 and 2017

A pretty lady in a restaurant just asked me if I was single and I happily replied yes

She took the extra chair in front of me away

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.

A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses

Snow Day

This morning thousands of students and teachers on the East Coast woke up, saw a mountain of snow, started screaming happily and then thought.......

SHIT, we have school online today

My missus asked me if I'd planned something special for Valentine's day. "I'm working on it" I said. She smiled happily,

which is weird because I thought she'd be well cheesed off because I was having to work.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the happily triumphantly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working happily dutifully piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes