Happen Jokes

138 happen jokes and hilarious happen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about happen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover what could hypothetically ensue if you asked, "What would happen if...?" Learn to make the most out of happen jokes by reading this article to find out how these jokes can be used to make any situation funnier. Explore the consequences of different scenarios and see what would occur if you asked what would happen.

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Short Happen Jokes
Happen One Liners
What Would Happen Jokes
What Happen Jokes
More Happen Jokes

Funniest Happen Short Jokes

Short happen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The happen humour may include short takes place jokes also.

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? "...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair...... ....what happens next will shock you."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.
What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.
With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.

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Happen One Liners

Which happen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with happen? I can suggest the ones about occurred and fallen.

It's very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it happens no one is shocked.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille Something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it
What happens when you put a lot of LGBT people in a long line? You get a LGBTQ.
What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red.
What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
An irish guy walks out of a bar.... It could happen.
Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows? [remooved]
What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day.... You feel desserted.
What happened to king Henry the VIII's wife's head? (removed)
What happened when the cheese factory exploded? De brie went everywhere
What happens if someone steals uranium? It becomes theiranium
What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
What would happen if a piano fell on top of you? You'd b-flat.
What happened when the orange slept with the dirty lemon? He got lemonaids.

What Would Happen Jokes

Here is a list of funny what would happen jokes and even better what would happen puns that will make you laugh with friends.

If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen
I live in Wyoming, so I called my insurance to ask what would happen if Yellowstone ever erupted. They said not to worry, I would be covered.
Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober! Wow! Never thought it would happen
"Son, what would happen if neither team won the Super Bowl?" "It's a Tide ad."
Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius? That person would be 0K
I always wondered what would happen if I ran from the cops I was stunned when I tried it.
What would happen if the United States were to switch from Pounds to Kilograms over night? *A Mass Confusion*
I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen. He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way.
What would happen if the Earth was a Cube? We'd all be cubans. ^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry

What Happen Jokes

Here is a list of funny what happen jokes and even better what happen puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Bill Cosby enters in a bar ... ... i don't know what happens next because I suddenly woke up in a motel's room.
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon That's what happens when you cut corners
Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open? Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen… I can feel it…
Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time."
Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
With all the bad things happenning in america right now, you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen? Me: We have the same teacher.

Happen joke, Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen?

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Happen Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about happen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean behave jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make happen pranks.

Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........

A Gynecologist walks into an exam room

Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"

A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."

The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but...

...his opponent feinted.

What happened to the clock that was still hungry?

It went back 4 seconds.

What happened after an e**... at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

What happened when the car took l**...?

It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!

What happened?

A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.

I hate when people say "She's out of your league"

Just because I'm in the majors, and she's a minor. Doesn't mean it can't happen.

What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?

It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out)

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine?

It wooden go.

What happened when the reporter fell into the water?

She became an anchor...

what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction!

More of a riddle, actually.

I happen once a year, but twice a week.
You can easily find me in a store, but you won't see me in a mall.
What am I?

What happened after the wheel was invented

a revolution

What happened to Steve Jobs before he died?

His life HTML5d before his eyes.

I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home.

So I moved.

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin...

A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. h**... says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. h**... says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. h**... turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.

What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party?

He got the cold shoulder.

Catholic girl goes into confessional

Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."

What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?

He will B flat

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

he got toad

A blonde was rushed to the hospital

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, When Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee"

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

Animals can sense disasters before they happen.

That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.

A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

To whoever stole my thesaurus...

To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

Art Thief

A mastermind thief infiltrates The Louvre and steals several paintings. He loads them all into his van and drives off. A few blocks away, his van breaks down. When the police arrive on the scene, one of the officers asks the mastermind how something like this could happen if he was so smart. The mastermind replies with "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

This actually just happened...

*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, "9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."

So he up and moved

What happened at the f**... of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
f**... auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'

My girl's father said "YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY"!

I replied, "Sorry. Won't happen again!"

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

A Catholic girl walks into a confessional and says "Father, I think I may be pregnant."

He replies "How did this happen, my child?"
She says "It must be the second coming."
The Priest is shocked by this statement and asks "What makes you think this?"
She replies "Because I swallowed the first."

A w**... Joke

What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car
With Wooden Seats
Wooden Tires
And A Wooden Engine?
It Wooden't Start

What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer?

He was consumed by his own pride.

What happened when the escalator broke down?

Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁

What happened when the cannibal was late for lunch?

He was given the cold shoulder.

What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?

Eiffel

If you see a robbery happen at an Apple store, what are you?

An iWitness

A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.

Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was b**... my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

An Irishman walks out of a bar

Hey, it could happen...

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England . One of the women replies No idiot. Wales!!!!
The Foreigner is taken aback. I'm sorry, let me start over he says. Excuse me. Do you two whales happen to be from England?

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while e**... and breaking your nose.

What happened to Satan's YouTube channel?

It got d**...-itized

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!

Three Irishmen walk out of a bar.

Yep. It can happen.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...
My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

What happened to the Frog when he wrecked his car?

He got TOAD!

A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant

A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant, she confronted her.

"How did this happen? I told you to take measures"

"I did took measures and went with the longest one."

What happenes when you beat up an electrician?

You get charged with battery

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

I've just started reading a book in braille.

Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.

My wife called me and said If you're not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I'm giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.

I was home in 3 minutes, I'd hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.

You're walking along the Oregon trail

You're walking along the Oregon trail when you happen upon a young man. You ask him his name to which he replies Terry. You then proceed to tell him Terry? Isn't that a girls name? Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin Terry

So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."

Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.

My wife asked me if I'd ever p**... in the shower. I said 'Yes but both times were an accident.

My Wife responded 'What!? How can you p**... in the shower by accident? Twice!?'
And I said 'Well these things happen when you're taking a s**...'.