Happen Jokes
137 happen jokes and hilarious happen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about happen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover what could hypothetically ensue if you asked, "What would happen if...?" Learn to make the most out of happen jokes by reading this article to find out how these jokes can be used to make any situation funnier. Explore the consequences of different scenarios and see what would occur if you asked what would happen.
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Funniest Happen Short Jokes
Short happen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The happen humour may include short takes place jokes also.
- If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
- My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
- What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? "...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"
- I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
- What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.
- What happens when you take a joke too far? The 45th President of the United States of America.
- With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.
- Bill Cosby enters in a bar ... ... i don't know what happens next because I suddenly woke up in a motel's room.
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Happen One Liners
Which happen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with happen? I can suggest the ones about behave and disappear.
- It's very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it happens no one is shocked.
- What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
- What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
- An irish guy walks out of a bar.... It could happen.
- Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows? [remooved]
- What happened to king Henry the VIII's wife's head? (removed)
- What happened when the cheese factory exploded? De brie went everywhere
- What happens if someone steals uranium? It becomes theiranium
- What would happen if a piano fell on top of you? You'd b-flat.
- What happened when the orange slept with the dirty lemon? He got lemonaids.
- What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit? The Dark Knight Rises!
- What happened when the escalator broke down? Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁
- What happens when you eat beans with onions? Tear gas!
(Written by my 9 yr old son) - What happens when you neglect to pay your exorcist? You get repossessed.
- What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
What Would Happen Jokes
Here is a list of funny what would happen jokes and even better what would happen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
- Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen
- I live in Wyoming, so I called my insurance to ask what would happen if Yellowstone ever erupted. They said not to worry, I would be covered.
- Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober! Wow! Never thought it would happen
- "Son, what would happen if neither team won the Super Bowl?" "It's a Tide ad."
- Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius? That person would be 0K
- I always wondered what would happen if I ran from the cops I was stunned when I tried it.
- I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen. He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way. - What would happen if the Earth was a Cube? We'd all be cubans. ^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry
- I went to see Don Quixote at the theater yesterday and there was a short break in the middle of the play. We didn't know it would happen, no one expected the Spanish intermission.
What Happen Jokes
Here is a list of funny what happen jokes and even better what happen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. - I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
- I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon That's what happens when you cut corners
- Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open? Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.
- Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time." - Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
- Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen? Me: We have the same teacher.
- What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine? It wooden go.
- What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Happen Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about happen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incident jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make happen pranks.
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
A Gynecologist walks into an exam room
Gynecologist walks into an exam room. The woman on the exam table shows the doctor two strange green dots, one on each inner thigh. Puzzled at first, the doctor examines them more closely. He then asks the woman "Would you happen to be a lesbian?" The woman answers "Why, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with these dots!" The doctor replied.. "Tell your girlfriend to get some REAL gold earrings!"
Regular Russia, not the Soviet one
Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but...
...his opponent feinted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened to the Asian man that walked into a wall with an e**...?
He broke his glasses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened when the car took l**...?
It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends...
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends who happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque. Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohamed, and you say that
your name is Ahmed, this way
we'll get some food! Deal?"
Steve said: "No, I'm sticking
with my name."
They walked into the Mosque
and the Sheikh saw them.
The Sheikh asked: "What are
your names?"
Bob said: "My name is
Mohamed."
Steve said: "My name is Steve."
Sheikh said: "Guys, please bring
some food and water for Steve.
And you Mohamed, Ramadan
Mubarak!!
I hate when people say "She's out of your league"
Just because I'm in the majors, and she's a minor. Doesn't mean it can't happen.
What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
^(I'll show myself out)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
What happened when the reporter fell into the water?
She became an anchor...
what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction!
More of a riddle, actually.
I happen once a year, but twice a week.
You can easily find me in a store, but you won't see me in a mall.
What am I?
What happened after the wheel was invented
a revolution
What happened to Steve Jobs before he died?
His life HTML5d before his eyes.
I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home.
So I moved.
I blew up my chemistry experiment
Oxidants happen.
Catholic girl goes into confessional
Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."
He asks, "How did this happen my child?"
"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.
The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first."
What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?
He will B flat
What happened to the frog who parked illegally?
he got toad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde was rushed to the hospital
A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.
One day Bob gets a text from his neighbor...
The text reads: "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt about something and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you aren't home. Probably more than you, honestly. I know its no excuse, but I don't get it at home. But now, I can't live with this guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Bob gets a second text from his neighbor: "Sorry, really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."
Edit for clarity.
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, When Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee"
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
I get to the end and think, "Well that's not gonna happen.".
Animals can sense disasters before they happen.
That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
You must have been born on a highway
because that's where most accidents happen.
Three politicians go to heaven.
No, seriously, it could happen.
My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound...
Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Guests are coming tonight.
What's for dinner?
Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.
Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."
*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.
* loud sound comes from the kitchen *
Wife: Everything alright, honey?
Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.
I don't know why people are afraid of flying
Most crashes happen at ground level
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
A midget walks into a bookstore...
...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
f**... auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girl's father said "YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY"!
I replied, "Sorry. Won't happen again!"
A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's too soon to make jokes about the Sweden t**... Attack
We should wait for it to happen first.
What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride.
What happened when I jumped off a famous building in France?
Eiffel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was b**... my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.
......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.
What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding?
A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.
*finds old Ouija board*
"I don't know guys, that stuff is dark--"
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"Spirits of the dead give us your message!"
W-E-H-A
"Guys--"
"Shut up"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U
"Guys--"
"Keep going"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U-P-D-A-T-E-D-O-U-R-P-R-I-V-A-C-Y-P-O-L-I-C-Y
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?
Running into a wall while e**... and breaking your nose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened to Satan's YouTube channel?
It got d**...-itized
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
Guy dies and is at the pearly gates
St. Peter says: before I can let you in, you must tell me one selfless act you did while alive
Guy says One time i was driving and saw this motorcycle gang harassing a little old lady. I pulled over and went up to the biggest guy punched him square in the face and said - LOOK, if you mess with her, you mess with me
St. Peter said wow, that's pretty impressive, but I don't see it in your records. When exactly did this happen?
The guy said oh, about five seconds ago
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
They toasted the bride and groom...
My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!
A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant
A Mother found out her daughter is pregnant, she confronted her.
"How did this happen? I told you to take measures"
"I did took measures and went with the longest one."
What happenes when you beat up an electrician?
You get charged with battery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying
He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
My wife called me and said If you're not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I'm giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.
I was home in 3 minutes, I'd hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife asked me if I'd ever p**... in the shower. I said 'Yes but both times were an accident.
My Wife responded 'What!? How can you p**... in the shower by accident? Twice!?'
And I said 'Well these things happen when you're taking a s**...'.
After what happened at the U.S. Captiol
I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
