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Hans Jokes

81 hans jokes and hilarious hans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy hilarious Hans jokes inspired by Sankt Hans, Hans Solo, Hans Gruber, and other well-known Hans characters. From Ich and Sven to Von, these jokes are sure to make you and your friends laugh out loud. Start celebrating the midsummer holiday with a few Hans-themed jokes.

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Funniest Hans Short Jokes

Short hans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hans humour may include short hans solo jokes also.

  1. A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
    "Name?"
    "Hans Kleiner"
    "Age?"
    "31"
    "Occupation?"
    "No no, just visiting"
  2. Why did Princess Leia date so many guys before she found Han? She was looking for love in Alderaan places.
  3. A German man visiting France He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"
    "Hans Muller" replies the German.
    "Occupation?"
    "No, just visiting this time."
  4. Kylo Ren: I've always hated being an only child Han: You're not an only child. You're a Solo child.
  5. Han Solo's diet mainly consists of protein and fat... But he allows himself one carb a night.
  6. Say what you will about Die Hard, but it has the best ending for a Christmas movie… Hans down.
  7. A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
  8. A German is at the border to go to Poland. The officer asks him:
    Name?
    Hans Gruber.
    Address?
    123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin
    Occupation?
    Nein, just visiting.
  9. Han Solo ordered a steak in the shape of a Wookie. He sent it back to the kitchen because it was a little chewy.
  10. A German is visiting France. The border patrol officer asks, "name?"
    Hans Mueller.
    "Occupation?"
    No, just visiting this time.

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Hans One Liners

Which hans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hans? I can suggest the ones about trench and .

  1. Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
  2. Yodas Logic Han Solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
    Yoda: Offcourse we are
  3. What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game? First person shooter.
  4. Who plays Han Solo in the norwegian version of Star Wars? Harrison Fjord!
  5. I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free
  6. I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone... now its Hans free
  7. Why was Leia disappointed on her wedding night? Han shot first.
  8. Watching Solo die was my favorite part of The Force Awakens.... Han's down.
  9. I just deleted all the German names from my phone Now it's Hans free.
  10. I've decided to delete all the Germans from my phone. I want to make it Hans-free!
  11. Why did Han Solo call Chewbacca a noob? He made a Wookiee mistake
  12. What was wrong with Han Solo's "Hanburgers"? They were really Chewie!
  13. Die Hard is the best Christmas movie Hans down
  14. What did the child say after World War II ended? "Look, ma! No Hans!"
  15. What do you call a German jazz player? Jazz Hans.

Hans Solo Jokes

Here is a list of funny hans solo jokes and even better hans solo puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How does Han Solo like his is Tauntaun steaks? Chewie and Luke-warm
  • Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles
  • Casinos make a lot of money from Han Solo They never tell him the odds
  • Ill be spending this valentines day like Han. Solo.
  • What did Luke say at Han and Leia's wedding? May divorce be with you
  • Han Solo didn't like his steak… … because it was Chewy.
  • What's Han Solo's favorite gum? Big League Chewie
  • why does Han Solo like gum so much? Because it's chewy
  • Why did Han Solo become a vegetarian? Because the last steak he ate was really Chewy.
  • Why did Han go out Black Friday shopping.? ... because the prices were Solo
Hans joke, Why did Han go out Black Friday shopping.?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hans can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hans puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Happy Hans Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about hans you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hans prank.

A young couple adopt a German baby.

A young couple adopt a German baby. He was perfectly normal except for the fact he never spoke, not even a word.
One day aged five while the family were having dessert he suddenly says, "This strudel is tepid."
His parents are completely amazed. "Hans you can talk! Why haven't you spoken before now?"
The boy turned to the parents and slowly replies, "Until now, everything has been satisfactory."

Hans the Norwegian

Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,
"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."
"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"

Hans meets an art dealer on vacation

A German man is on vacation in Spain. He sees a local man selling artwork, so he goes over and checks out his wares. He notices a print of Picasso's Guernica on an easel. The German asks did you do this? , to which the Spaniard replied, nope. you did.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know the exact number, but many Hans make light work.

A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"

He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I was in the immigration center, I followed a man named Hans Olafsen. When they asked my name, I told them 'Sam Ting'".

Hans Zimmer was inspired by one composer in particular when writing the Inception soundtrack...

Brahms

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

Why did Harrison ford c**... his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

The mother of all Dad jokes.

Dad: *Picks up caterpillar* I'll name him Hans!
Person: "Why?"
Dad: "Because he's got lots of Hans!"

Can you tell me what the Hanson song MmmBop is about?

You think you can, but you don't know.

Hans and Klaus went mountain climbing with their mother, but she slipped and fell 1,500 feet to her death. Klaus exclaims, "Look Hans, no Ma ! .

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."
Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

German tourist crosses Polish border

German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him:
-Name?
-Hans
-Surname?
-Schmidt
-Occupation?
-No, just traveling.

I know a guy who owns an electrics and wiring company. He swears by employing only Germans and sending about a dozen of them to each contract....

He reckons that many Hans make lights work.

How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone in his helmet?

He uses a hans free device

A German man goes on holiday

to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions
"Name?"
"Hans Schmidt"
"Age?"
"32"
"Place of birth?"
"Dusseldorf"
"Occupation?"
"No, just visiting"

Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.

Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.
Capital of Germany? Berlin
Capital of France? Berlin
Capital of Russia? Berlin
Capital of Poland? Berlin
Capital of USA? Tokyo
Capital of China? Tokyo
Hotel? Trivago
That's my boy.

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?
German: Hans Guttermark
Pole: Age?
German: Neunundzwanzig.
Pole: Occupation?
German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

A German man was crossing the border into France...

The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.
"Name?"
The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"
"Age?"
The German replied, "37"
"Occupation?"
The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."

I finally deleted all the n**... of my contacts....

It's Hans free.

I've removed all the German contacts from my phone.

I'm now Hans free.

Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?

Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.
He was sinking?
Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!

Why was Hans the thief not happy being in the party full of paladins?

They kept casting lay on Hans.

What do you call a German cowboy with awful dress sense?

Hans of the vile vile vest

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Quite a few, after all, many Hans make light work

How did Hansel and Gretel get lost in das woods?

the trail was crumby.

You can have my Die Hard puns...

When you pry them from my cold, dead, Hans.

What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff?

"Look ma, no Hans"

There's a new German brand of shoes called

Hans off the vall.

Without sausage and eggs please

~ Hans, 53, calling for a Thai p**....

Cringey star wars joke

Just thought of a cringey star wars joke while being unable to sleep
Q- What was Hans Solo's response to Princess Leia when she asked where he had been all her life?
A- In Alderaan places

Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:

*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*

A german tourist goes to Poland

In the border, the guard asks him some questions.
Guard: Name?
German: Hans Guttenmark
Guard: Age?
German: 29
Guard: Occupation?
German: * smiles * No, just visiting.

The W.H.O. have just put an eminent German Doctor in charge of their pandemic response..

He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One pair of Hans should suffice

My uncle Hans (a hotdog lover) has been very ill recently. Last night, craving a hotdog, he went on a drive to the nearest hotdog stand. Sadly, as he was driving, he became even more unwell...

...he took a turn for the wurst.

A German tourist driving through France gets pulled over for speeding, and the French police officer starts questioning him.

FPO: Name?
GT: Hans Schmidt.
FPO: Age?
GT: 36
FPO: Occupation?
GT: No! No! I'm only here on vacation!

How did the captain of the Millennium Falcon satisfy himself before he met Leia?

With his Hans, Solo

What do you call a German masseuse?

Hans

A German gets off a flight to Paris, and is going through customs

Customs agent: "Name?"
German: "Hans."
Agent: "Home city?"
German: "Dusseldorf."
Agent: "Occupation?"
German: "Nein, nein, just for a visit."
Credit to pjabrony

Why did Hansel and Gretel claim they were sick?

They had Munch hausen.

"Clever Hans" was a horse that could count. But you know what's more impressive than a counting horse?

...a spelling bee.

Holly Gennaro was angry with me for dropping her wristwatch when I saved her at Nakatomi Plaza. But what could I do?

My Hans slipped.

Hans joke, Say what you will about Die Hard, but it has the best ending for a Christmas movie…

jokes about hans

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hans jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.