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Hang Jokes

140 hang jokes and hilarious hang puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hang that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Hang Jokes are a great way to turn a frown upside down. From classic hang in there phrases to a knotty pun about hang gliding, these jokes can help lighten the mood in any situation. Learn to make light of even the toughest of criticisms with hilarious hang jokes.

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Popular Hang Short Jokes

Short hang jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hang humour may include short hung jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
  2. In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
  3. Actually, the past tense is "hanged", as in "he hanged himself" Sorry about your Dad, though
  4. I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
  5. Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.
  6. As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests. My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
  7. Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7? They just, like, literally can't even
  8. Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with? Asking for a friend.
  9. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
    This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
  10. Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith? Because he’s always improving their punchlines.

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Hang One Liners

Which hang one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hang? I can suggest the ones about held and hind.

  1. Why didn't the japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
  2. Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
  3. Never try to hi-five Logan Paul You won't be the first person he's left hanging.
  4. I'm in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me.
  5. Aaron Hernandez set a new nfl record Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt
  6. What end of the rope did Aaron Hernandez hang himself with? The tight end.
  7. You can't hang a man with a wooden leg, You need a rope.
  8. Where can I find someone to hang out with and share a companionship? Asking for a friend.
  9. What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called? A singer
  10. I like my women like I like my grenades Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.
  11. Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but... Is actually just Poor Execution
  12. Where do superheroes hang out? Cape Town
  13. Anyone wanna hang out, grab a drink or shoot some pool? Asking for a friend
  14. What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging....
  15. What's the best part of having a suicidal coat? It hangs itself

Hang Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny hang up jokes and even better hang up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My ex is like the Mona Lisa It's not that she is pretty or anything, but I would be ecstatic if I came home to find her hanging in the living room
  • I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects... But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
  • What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus
  • What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.
  • How many Karen's does it take to hang a picture. 1, if she talks for long enough the picture will hang itself.
  • Wife and I fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper. So our therapist suggested we try the other person's way for a week.
    You know, roll reversal.
  • Next time someone texts you to say "call me"... Call them to say "text me". And just hang up.
  • Why did the popular kittens not want to hang out with the kitten with a prosthesis? It was an obvious faux paw.
    ^Cr
  • A man was sentenced to death, but wasn't told how they'll kill him. Needless to say, they left him hanging.
  • There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.

Hang Over Jokes

Here is a list of funny hang over jokes and even better hang over puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A gay deer goes into a bar..... A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.
  • If you want to hang yourself and still need a rope... ... take the one without any customer reviews. It should be the best for the job.
  • Does anyone know where I can go to meet someone who will hang out and do things with me? Asking for a friend.
  • Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus It takes 1 nail to hang a picture
  • I like my women how I like my light bulbs... Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.
  • I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed. Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.
  • Have you heard about the new super sensitive condoms? They hang around after the guy leaves and talk to the woman.
  • Two windmills were hanging out in a field. One windmill asked the other, what type of music do you like? The other responded, I'm a huge metal fan.
  • How do you keep black people from stealing things in your back yard? You hang some in the front.
    Relax It's dark humor
  • Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall. The other one said Don't worry man, I'm a cashew
Hang joke, Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall.

Hang Gliding Jokes

Here is a list of funny hang gliding jokes and even better hang gliding puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo mama so small she hang-glides from a Dorito
  • I recently started Abseiling and Hang Gliding. The girl I have been stalking is getting harder and harder to follow.
  • You mama's so skinny... she can hang glide with a dorito!
  • Yo momma so skinny she hang glides with Doritos.
  • Yo momma is so short, she hang glides with a Dorito!
  • What do you call a Greek hang gliding? Condescending.

Hang In There Jokes

Here is a list of funny hang in there jokes and even better hang in there puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you get Batman into the Marvel Universe? Hang him on the wall. Now he's a Bruce Banner.
  • Four guys are hanging out. One of them says, Hey, did you know 1 out of ever 4 guys is gay?
    Larry says, I hope it's chuck because he's really cute.
  • A hat and a tie are out running The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
    The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."
  • Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
  • Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver? He always leaves you hanging
  • What's the difference between Jesus and a photo of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the photo.
  • So I was sentenced to death by hanging... but my execution is being suspended temporarily.
  • Kevin Spacey walks into a bar But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.
  • My eldest came to me and he told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, "Hang in there son", and pointed to the spare room.
  • LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror! You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.
Hang joke, LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror!

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hang can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hang puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Great Hang Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about hang you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean hammer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hang prank.

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold?

Because he is a bad influenza

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"

My favorite blonde joke.

A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."

I was driving past the prison the other day...

with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'

What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...?

Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change

I was watching TV last night...

When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".

What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around, and I'll go on ahead.

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party?

In the punch line

I am starting a support group for guys dealing with a**... Asphyxiation.

Our motto is: "Hang in there, we can beat it."

What does a suicidal man say to a suicidal girl?

Hey, wanna hang?

A flyer says to another flyer:

"Yo, wanna hang out tonight?"
The other one replies: "Brochure!"

I have a buddy that likes to have s**... with inanimate objects.

We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do.

My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back...

Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."
The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."

Father and son during checkout at d**...'s Sporting Goods...

Dad: Hang on a second, I need to use these coupons.
Son: Are these coupons only for d**...'s?
Dad: No, they work for normal people too.
Cashier -- laughing too hysterically to continue for a bit...
(True Story)

Christmas lights remind me of my friends.

They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.

Yo momma so ugly ..

Her portraits hang themselves

I was s**... off my new Thai bride, last night

When I thought.. "Hang on a f**...' minute"

I was watching tv last night...

and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.

I had a terrible night out at the club

I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...

People often say that I hang out with the wrong crowd...

They say things like, "Hey, we're over here," and "Hey, you don't even know those people!"

A man stands at a row of crowded urinals...

Into the silence, he says "So... I guess this is where the d**... hang out."

I heard prisoners get drunk a lot ...

They hang around bars 24/7.

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.
She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw.
Do you think that will work? she asked.
Just worked for me, he replied.

I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I s**... indentify as Mistletoe..

I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair t**... in buns?

So it doesn't Hang Solow

I've been meaning to make more friends recently...

So I've joined a s**... cult and I'm going to hang with them for a while.

How does a cop hang a picture?

"...UP AGAINST THE WALL!"

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke p**.... I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

Why did the chicken hang himself?

To get to the other side.

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

n**... painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t**.... Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Two guys out playing golf. One is about to take his shot when he sees a f**... procession go by.

He stops, takes his hat off and bows his head until the procession passes. He puts his hat back on and gets ready to take his shot when his partner stops him and says, "Hang on. I just gotta say I've never seen anyone do that on the links before, that was really touching."
1st guy replies, "Well, you know. We were married for 20 years."

My best friend doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore because he says I'm behind the times.

Wait until everyone on MySpace hears about this.

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don't hang themselves.
Happy Early Halloween!

What did the scarf say to the hat?

I'm just gonna hang around here.. you go on ahead.

So a nun is having a bath, and she hears a knock on the door...

The nun shouts "who is it?" and a voice from the other side replies "it's the blind man, can I come in?"
The nun replies "sure" and the blind man comes into the room and says "nice t**... luv, where do you want to hang these blinds?"

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!

A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.

He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dollar?"
The private stood at attention and boomed, "NO SIR!"

A Nun having a bath

There is a knock at the door. "Who is it" she asks.
"Blind man" comes the reply
Thinking no harm can come from this she says "OK come in"
Guy comes in. "Nice t**..." he says "Where do you want me to hang the blind"?

Yo mama

Yo mama is so ugly that her portraits hang themselves.

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

Where do French gangsters hang out?

The baghetto.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common?

Both hang from the tree

Vladimir Putin walks down the corridor in his office and notices a painting on the wall of himself

He says: "So, my dear Vladimir Vladimirovich, what will happen if we lose the war?"
"That's simple," says the painting, "they'll take me off and will hang you!"
(edit - typo)

The hangman asked me if I had any last words...

I told him, "My neck is really killing me today!"

Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!

A man walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!"
"Before what gets started?"
"Never mind, just give me a whisky, quick!"
It sounds urgent, so the barman gives him a drink.
The customer downs it in one gulp and says, "Another, quick, before it gets started!"
The barman gives him another whisky.
But when the man asks for a third one he says, "Hang on, when are you going to pay for these?"
"Oh here we go," says the man, "It's started."

What's the difference between Jesus and a panting of Jesus?

The painting only takes one nail to hang up.

Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?

Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.
Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.
Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.

So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day

Yeah, I think they surfed the web together

Hang joke, So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day

jokes about hang

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hang jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.