Handyman Jokes
22 handyman jokes and hilarious handyman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handyman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny handyman jokes. From jokes about tools and equipment to jokes about remodeling and DIY, we've got something for everyone. So whether you're a professional handyman or just handy around the house, we hope you enjoy these jokes.
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Funniest Handyman Short Jokes
Short handyman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handyman humour may include short handy man jokes also.
- My wife and I decided to spice things up and roll play our actual jobs, her a nurse and me a handyman. She went to bed early from working a double and her feet being sore and I didn't even show up.
- A terrible accident has just occurred at work. Our maintenance man lost both his legs.
Now he is just a handyman. - I asked my handyman why did he paint my staircase white He was indeed puzzled. The only thing I got from him is a blank stair
- Did your hear 007 opened a handyman business after retiring from spy work? It was a logical career change, he was already licensed and bonded, and had some experience taking care of oddjobs.
- Did you hear about the surgeon who accidentally swapped his tools with the hospital handyman's? His last surgery was gut wrenching.
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Handyman One Liners
Which handyman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handyman? I can suggest the ones about repairman and home repair.
- How did the handyman feel after going to the bar? He was hammered.
- What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head? The handycap.
- Did you hear about the carpenter with no legs? He was a handyman.
- Why is the handyman a bad boyfriend? He nuts and bolts.
- Hammered: Even while intoxicated, Handyman gets the job done. (As a news headline)
- What did the handyman ask the h**...? Are you looking for some long screws?
Giggle-Inducing Handyman Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about handyman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean maintenance man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make handyman pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Instead of a Handyman, my apartment complex has a Handywoman.
She's a bit of a pothead but d**... good at her job. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women.
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.
The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.
Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: For best results, put on two coats.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To keep s**... interesting after 4 years of marriage, my wife and I like to roleplay. I pretend I'm the neighborhood handyman..
and she pretends she's still attracted to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the handyman do...
when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?
He s**..., nutted, and bolted.
