Handshake Jokes
32 handshake jokes and hilarious handshake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handshake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Handshake Short Jokes
Short handshake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handshake humour may include short hand signal jokes also.
- News anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time. Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*
- We all know about the American Civil War... But the Canadian Civil War was resolved with a handshake and an apology... making it more civil than any war ever.
- Heard this one from my trumpet playing band director Does anyone know the Trumpeteer handshake?
"Hi, I'm better than you" - Experts have decided on a caption for the famous photo of Trump and Putin's first handshake They settled on "Grabbing America By the Pus*y"
- a cannibal's favorite drink What drink does a cannibal have after a long day? a handshake!
- Handshake Him: That's a firm handshake for a woman.
Her: That's a small bulge for a man.
Him: Your mom didn't think so.
Her: My mom died.
Him: Of exhaustion. - I asked a recluse if he had a girlfriend He said he would introduce me to her and reached for a handshake.
- Welcome to the Psych Med Club! We were working on a secret handshake, until we lost interest in the things we once loved.
- I've never actually been caught smoking w**.... But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes.
- Why did Jeffrey d**... keep a blender on his front porch? So he could greet visitors with a handshake.
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Handshake One Liners
Which handshake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handshake? I can suggest the ones about hand gestures and handing.
- How does a cannibal say hello? He offers you a handshake.
- What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party? Handshakes.
- What happens when you put your hand in a blender? You get a handshake!
- What is a cannibal's favourite shake? Handshake
- man coronavirus is real.. you gotta start using UDP over TCP to avoid handshake
- A cannibal top chef is mostly known for.. his secret handshake.
- What do cannibals and politicians have in common? They both enjoy handshakes.
- What did the cannibal drink for breakfast? handshakes
- I have secret handshakes with all of my friends But none of them know..
- How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake.
- How do you call a handshake between two AIDS-Sick people? Hi-V
- Me and my black friend Jackson have a secret handshake We call it the Jackson Five.
- What do you call when a women squeezes your hand while handshaking? Man power!
- Why did the rabbi's handshake burn and sting? Because he was an acidic Jew
- Imagine to surviving all the unprotected s**... Only to die of unprotected handshakes.
Handshake Jokes
Here is a list of funny handshake jokes and even better handshake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Jeffery d**... have a blender on his front porch? So he could greet you with a handshake.
- Why did Jeffrey d**... keep a blender on his front porch? To greet people with a handshake.
- Worst way to end the s**.... c**... followed by a firm handshake.
Heartwarming Handshake Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about handshake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hold hands jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make handshake pranks.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
The Carnival Date
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...
Putin goes to fortune teller to find out his future.
She says:
"I see you on the car, arriving to a parade, there's an enormous crowd, they're crying for happiness when they see you, everybody is happy".
"Great! I'll lead the parade, who I will handshake with?"
"Nobody, your coffin will be closed".
Two gold diggers are sitting in a bar...
The women are scoping out the men looking for their next find when a man walks up to the bar next to then and takes out a diamond-covered wallet.
"Hello there, you seem like a kind and interesting person! I'm Jennifer", she says as she goes in for a handshake.
The man replies "Listen, I know how you women are and you just like me because of my diamond wallet!"
She leans over to him, "No darling! It's what's on the inside that counts!"
