Handle Jokes

120 handle jokes and hilarious handle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is about the different ways to handle jokes. Learn the methods of multitasking to effectively handle jokes with care, from knowing when to joke around to understanding the difference between door handles and love handles. Learn the tricks and tips to maintain a vice-like grip on humor.

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Short Handle Jokes
Handle One Liners
Door Handle Jokes
Handle With Care Jokes
Broom Handle Jokes
Love Handle Jokes
More Handle Jokes

Best Short Handle Jokes

Short handle puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handle humour may include short managed jokes also.

I told my wife, "You are so skinny." Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."
I thought I heard one of the kids opening the furnace earlier Then I remembered the handle was on the outside.
If you can't handle me at my worst... Then good for you; I commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries.
North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,

This week the stat went up to 9/9!
My wife said she was leaving me today because he couldn't handle my OCD any more… I said, "Close the door 5 times on your way out."
I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what? It wooden start.
Aerosmith According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady.
I just got fired from my job at the door making factory. I just couldn't get a handle on it.
Why did the polka musician’s wife file for divorce? She couldn’t handle all the band’s constant “in and out” motions!
Why did the accordion player get a divorce? His spouse couldn’t handle the constant bellowing.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about handle can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of handle puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Handle One Liners

Which handle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handle? I can suggest the ones about hold and hands.

How many shots can an irish man handle? about 10 rounds.
I don't know why Donald Trump wants four more years. He can't even handle 60 minutes.
Why Did The Alcoholic comedian Quit Performing? He couldn't handle the boos.
Why can't a feminist shoot a gun? They can't handle the triggers.
I like my women like my computers At least old enough to handle my 3 1/2-inch floppy.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be looked at for too long? The can't handle stares.
Why doesn't Putin visit the Queen? He can't handle UK rain.
Why didn't the drummer commit the crime? He couldn't handle the repercussions.
Why did the paranoid man take the elevator? He couldn't handle the stares...
I recently quit my job as a scuba diving instructor I couldn't handle the pressure.
Why are all exorcists alcoholics? Because they can't handle their spirits.
Why does lebron james wear high socks? His Cavs can't handle the Heat
Why did Connor McGregor get a Chihuahua? He couldn't handle a Boxer.
Someone stole my car's steering wheel I just can't handle it anymore.
Why are fat people good at handling conflicts? They are often the bigger man

Door Handle Jokes

Here is a list of funny door handle jokes and even better door handle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My ex girlfriend wasn't able to handle my OCD I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Why do all the doors in 10 Downing Street have handles? That place already has enough knobs.
My door was not working I couldn't handle it
I used to have a fear of door knobs ...I sought professional help as it was more than I could handle.
Fixing a door myself proved to be rather difficult. I could never quite get the handle on it.
Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac? Quiet son and help me pull granny off the door handle!
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
Most people would hate having a bedroom door without a handle... ..but I'd say it's my most prised possession.
There are many facts about doors... but that would be too much information to handle.
For years I've had trouble with my front door. Finally I got a handle on it.

Handle With Care Jokes

Here is a list of funny handle with care jokes and even better handle with care puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My wife wasn't amused... Her: Be careful traffic is crazy.
Me: If I can handle you, traffic should be a cinch!
If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins. If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut.
On the front of my boxer shorts it reads handle with care I have a fragile package.
Hey baby, there's an OverflowException in my pants, care to handle it for me?

Broom Handle Jokes

Here is a list of funny broom handle jokes and even better broom handle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

halloween When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead
of a broom the witch flew of the handle.
Q: Why didn't the witch fly on her broom when she was angry?
A: She was afraid she would fly off the handle.

Love Handle Jokes

Here is a list of funny love handle jokes and even better love handle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.
Why do girls always work at the deli Because they love handling meat
Why did the gay chef love making dill crackers? Because he got to handle the dill dough.
I don't understand why fat people get so much hate? They have love handle's not hate handle's

Handle joke, I don't understand why fat people get so much hate?

Comedy Handle Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about handle you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean control jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make handle prank.

I like my women like I like my plastic wrap.

Clingy, easy to handle, and microwave and freezer tested.

from a movie...

so a man and and a woman are making love, when their young boy walks in. upon seeing his parents, he cries and runs to his room. the father says "i'll handle this". he walks to the boys room and finds little john on top of grandma, just giving her the business, going up and down, up and down. then the boys looks at his father and says, "its not so funny when its your mom, is it?"

I used to make jokes about people with butter fingers;

stopped 'cause they couldn't handle it.

Today just wasn't my day.

I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. Finally leave the house for work and the doorknob comes loose and just breaks off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom..

The locked car...

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."

Why don't they teach s**...-ed and drivers-Ed on the same day in the Middle East?

Because the camels can't handle it.

Why don't they have driving classes and s**... Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

I want to handle the topic of traditional homosexual polygamy

Just like my four fathers did

A group of people asked me to make a joke about barometers

but I couldn't handle the pressure

How did the p**... get a job at the zoo?

They heard she could handle a cockatoo.

Why didn't JFK ever like v**...?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

I was about to tell a hilarious joke about chemistry..

..but last time I did, I couldn't handle the reactions.

I thought about going vegetarian

but I knew I could not handle a missed steak like that.

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting.

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting from over the fence. He stops to listen and hears that they are saying "Five! Five! Five! Five!"
His curiosity peaked, he walks until he sees a hole in the fence. He puts his eye up to the hole to try to see what's going on, when he's poked in the eye by a broom handle! Angry and in pain, he starts to walk away and hears that the chanting is now, "Six! Six! Six! Six!"

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

There's a woman who gets dropped off at my building for work every day by the husband.

And every day the husband will come out and go to the passenger side to open the car door for her.
Seeing so much love from the husband I decided to ask her whether this has always been the way.
She replied no, it only started two years ago.
I asked "What made him change?"
The woman replied "Change? the inside door handle stopped working two years ago. He didn't want to change it."

If you can't handle me at my worst

That makes two of us

What did the handless boy get for Christmas?

glove.
Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...

Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!
Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!

Did you hear about the sound technician that got fired recently?

Apparently he couldn't handle feedback.

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."

A doorman quits his job.

He just couldn't handle it anymore.

Why did the ghost b**... all over his date?

He couldn't handle his boos.

I handle important transactions for a large multinational company ...

... is what a tell my Mum instead of saying I work at McDonald's.

What did the handless kid get for Christmas?

Idk, he couldnt open it

My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much.

I'm fed up.

An English teacher went to Germany to teach the German kids English words.

On Day one, he taught them all the English words beginning with A.
Day two, he taught them all the English words beginning with B. After day three which was words C, he thought to himself.
"How are they gonna handle D-day?"

My husband cheated

I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.
Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.

I'm absolutely done with friends who can't handle their alcohol.

The other day not even 3 of them could get me out of the club without dropping me.

What is long, hard to handle and keeps her up all night?

Clinical Depression

I've chosen not to vaccinate my kids...

I think it's better to let a professionel doctor handle that.

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear programme and the suffering economy and growing antisemitism across Europe…" He points to the antisemitic rag. "Now I read this and I feel much better. Turns out there's actually a Jewish global conspiracy and we control the entire world."

Do you want to know the real reason I can't be part of a t**...?

I can only handle disappointing one person at a time.

A Crossbow is like a Beautiful Woman

It has a lot of complicated parts and if you handle them wrong it will snap and break your fingers.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

I'm so sick of my friends not being able to handle their alcohol

Last night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me home

Why did the social awkward man never go to the second storey of his house ?

He couldn't handle the stairs.

Two men are sitting at a table.

o**... says, "I have ants"
The second guy replies, "Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours."
So the first guy now says 'Well, I have a tube of glue!",
To which the second guy replies, "And... I have an entire tin of it."
Finally, the first guy says "I have bread."
Unable to beat the first guy any longer, the second guy says "I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants."

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

I am so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol.

The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the taxi.

Honey, I cleaned the bathroom!!!

Wife: Thank you
Hubby: Why do we keep the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What?!??!
Hubby: Why is the toilet brush in the shower?
Wife: What the h**... are you talking about?!?
Hubby: The puffy thing with the handle!!
Wife: MY LOOFA
Hubby: You named the toilet brush?

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"
"Well, I have taller ants than you"
"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"
"Hah, I have an entire tin"
"I got bread!"
"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

Two friends were comparing their belongings

The first guy goes: 'i have ants'
The second guy : 'well i have taller ants'
The first guy : 'well i got a tube of glue'
The second guy : 'and i have an entire tin of it'
The first guy: 'i got bread as well'
The second guy: 'ugh you win, i can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants.'

A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency.

I saw a woman hit by a car, he said. She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture.
How horrible! What did you do?
Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.

The ninja master asked a student if they thought they could handle the next challenge.

The disciple answered, shuriken!

Someone asked me what was my secret to a successful marriage after having kids? I told them it's Vaseline, but not for what you're thinking.

Rub a scoop onto the door handle and the kids can't turn the k**... to get into the house.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

I asked a musician why they all drink so much after their shows.

He said: Because we can't handle the boos.

Slots

A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out?" the woman asks.
The casino employee smiles, motions to the far wall, and says, "Usually at the ATM."

Why is it smart to ask your coffee mug for advice?

Because it always has a handle on every thing.

One that made the wife groan

A few weeks ago I was talking to my wife about how our taste buds have changed since we were kids.
I said "Yeah, I still can't handle mushrooms though, they are awful"
Her "I don't know, mushrooms have grown on me"
Me deadpan "Well, you should probably shower more often then."

I wonder if the Drunken Samurais of old could handle their drinks well..

I hope so, for their Sake

I went to a mug making workshop today, but it was pretty tough and ended up with a bowl..

I just couldn't handle it.

You know when things are getting bad when people only want their kids to live a long and healthy life they will enjoy...

And you have to wonder how their children are going to handle the pressure of those unrealistic expectations?

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, This is for washing our hair.
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. The curlers are on me. -

Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".

When my girlfriend's father asked me what I do for a living, I was embarrassed to say that I work at McDonald's, so instead, I said …

"I handle transactions for a multi-billion-dollar company and industry on a daily basis
and help provide around $2 billion to the US economy each year"

When I told my friend I was getting a jeep he was hating on it saying s**... like "What about the glaciers and the rainforests?"

I was like "Bro, this thing has 4WD Low Range and diff locks, it'll handle that s**... easily"

I just left my position as tire pump salesman

Couldn't handle the pressure...

On which side a mug has its handle?

Outside.

Meanwhile in the restroom

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said,
\- Hi! How are you?
Embarrassed... I said,
\- I'm all right!!"
The voice said,
\- "So what are you up to?
I said,
\- Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!
Then I hear,
\- Can I come over?
Annoyed... I said,
\- Excuse me?!?!."
Then the voice said,
\- Listen, I will have to call you back, there's an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these handle jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.