Handedly Jokes
29 handedly jokes and hilarious handedly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handedly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Handedly Short Jokes
Short handedly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handedly humour may include short super jokes also.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't. - Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
- I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.
- I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie. - I accidentally swallowed a handful of scrabble tiles... My next bowel movement could spell disaster.
- I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy. I just handed in my too weak notice.
- What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him. - It was so cold in D.C. today... that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
- If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
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Handedly One Liners
Which handedly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handedly? I can suggest the ones about ease and talk to the hand.
- I can count on one hand how many time I have been to Chernobyl. It's 14.
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
- You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
- Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Cause they're dead.
- "No thanks. I am a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.
- If you're single and you know it Use your hands
- I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.
- What has five fingers and isn't your hand? My hand.
- My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears. So he handed me another one.
- I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve
- A wife is like a hand grenade... Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.
- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.
- They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
- What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand? A microwave.
- My career as a street fighter didn't last very long... I broke my hand punching a curb.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Handedly Jokes
What funny jokes about handedly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean confidently jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make handedly pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I was addicted to m**... and then I got addicted to s**......
Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?
Are you Blonde?
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
I got a phone call from my son's school today
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
