Handcuffs Jokes
49 handcuffs jokes and hilarious handcuffs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handcuffs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Handcuffs Short Jokes
Short handcuffs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handcuffs humour may include short catch these hands jokes also.
- Trying to argue with someone over text is like being Italian and trying to talk with handcuffs on
- I was having a look... In my mothers bedroom the other day and I found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in her wardrobe. I couldn't believe it... My mothers a superhero!!!!!
- My son found some handcuffs under our bed so I had to have "the talk" today... I'm an international crime fighter now
- Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars? So they can drive with the handcuffs on.
- What starts with H, ends with S, and can be found below my waist and above my legs? Handcuffs.
- #1 thing not to say to a cop Those look like the handcuffs your wife used on me last night.
- I've been shopping in the kid's department for hours and they FINALLY found something that fits me! Although the handcuffs are a bit snug....
- This person I know owns the world's smallest handcuffs! He's wearing his wedding ring.
- How many Police Officers does it take to handcuff one man? Nine, Eight to shoot him and one to say he was very dangerous
- I have a severe allergy to alcohol Whenever I drink it I breakout in handcuffs.
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Handcuffs One Liners
Which handcuffs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handcuffs? I can suggest the ones about wrist and cops.
- I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today. All I did was greet my friend Jack.
- Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed? So he wouldn't talk in his sleep
- I found out I'm allergic to tequila... Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.
- What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand? Irish handcuffs.
- How do you know you've satisfied a redhead? She unlocks the handcuffs.
- I like my women like I like my OJ... Black and in handcuffs.
- How do you gag an Italian? Handcuff him.
- What do you call an Italian in handcuffs? Speechless
- I'm allergic to alcohol... Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs...
- I'm allergic to Alcohol... Makes me break out in handcuffs.
- How do you take away an Italian's freedom of speech? Handcuff them
- I think I might be allergic to alcohol I keep breaking out in handcuffs.
- What do you call small handcuffs? Wedding rings!
- I think I'm allergic to whiskey... Whenever I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.
- How do you join the police? Handcuff them together
Unearthly Funniest Handcuffs Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about handcuffs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean house arrest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make handcuffs pranks.
A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling The president is an idiot
Police surround him and handcuff him. They say it is i**... to insult President Putin
He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting
The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is
A muslim woman is getting arrested
The police officer handcuffs her
You have the right to remain silent he says.
She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.
Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!
Why don't Italians do b**...?
Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs.
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.
So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".
"I'm all up for s**... with handcuffs..."
"...I just think a little warning would have been nice, Officer."
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree
He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."
One secret policeman asks another, What do you think of the regime? ...
Nervously, the second policeman replies, The same as you, comrade. At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.
Police bursts into a man's house.
They put him on the floor, handcuff him and all that shabang.
One of the officers says to him: "You are arrested for illegally downloading the whole Wikipedia!"
The man says: "I'm sorry officer.
I can explain everything."
Oh no...
A man in uniform pulled me over and said, "Sir can you get out the car please." I complied and he put handcuffs on me then pushed me onto the bonnet.
"Can you please tell me what I've done officer?"I asked.
"Oh I'm not an officer." he said, unbuckling his belt.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I was snooping around in my wife's dresser drawers while she was gone over the weekend on a 'business trip' and you won't believe what I found. A whip, a mask and handcuffs! Do you know what this means???" he exclaims to the bartender. "My wife is a super hero!"
Mary Magdalene: Hey Jesus, want to try some b**... tonight?
Jesus: Forget the handcuffs. Just nail me.
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.
