Handcuffing Jokes
20 handcuffing jokes and hilarious handcuffing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about handcuffing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Handcuffing Short Jokes
Short handcuffing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The handcuffing humour may include short jokes also.
- My wife and I were going on holiday And we were discussing our secret s**... fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.
- A k**... woman handcuffed me and said, "I always wanted to do this to you" Then she took me to prison
- s**... joke Wife dressed up as a police woman, handcuffed me to the bed and said I was under arrest for being a s**... god.
Was released 2 minutes later with no charge.
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Handcuffing One Liners
Which handcuffing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with handcuffing? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Why couldn't the Italian explain himself to the police? He was handcuffed.
- What do you call it when a heart is getting handcuffed? Cardiac arrest
- I'm sorry I haven't got back to you but I've been handcuffed to a panda So bear with me
- [Racist] Why can't African Americans stretch their arms? Because they're handcuffed.
Handcuffing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about handcuffing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make handcuffing pranks.
Bert Kreischer coffee black joke
Starbucks Barista - How would you like your coffee?
ME - Handcuffed for nothing & taken to jail.
(I like my coffee like I like my men. Black and wrongly accused based only on that.)
A man by the name of Ronald Bates came home to find his butler being arrested...
"What in the world could my butler have done to be arrested?" Bates asked the police officer handcuffing the butler.
"We had a complaint from you next door neighbor that he was yelling obscene remarks," the police officer replied.
"Obscene remarks?!?! What was he saying?!?!"
"The neighbors say that, for a few minutes on end, he kept yelling 'Masturbates,' 'Masturbates!'
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
A lady was putting gas in her car today while smoking a cigarette.
Unfortunately, the lady caught her arm of fire. She was frantically moving her flaming arm in the air until a police officer brutally slammed her to the ground and handcuffed her. "Why are you arresting her?" I said. "She was waving a firearm" he responded.
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
A cop just handcuffed a dude for a misdemeanor, waiting for back-up, when the offendant asks him...
O: Did you always dream of becoming a policeman?
C: Actually no , he replies. I've always wanted to be famous on the internet.
No way! , the guy says. Same here, what a coincidence. So what stopped you?
C: I'm not sure, I guess I just never figured out how to get into the scene and make a name for myself you know. Seems like nowadays you'd really have to do something crazy and s**... to get your face out there and stand out amongst all the contenders...
O: You think that's it? Crazy? I can do crazy, just watch me.
To which the cop says: Not if I'm gonna _beat_ you to it!
*Edited for typo
The Stasi tells Honecker there's a West German spy in his Central Committee.
So Honecker takes his favourite Stasi man along to the next meeting. The concierge (an old red) sees Honecker and the Stasi agent go in and, just one minute later, the Stasi man exiting , with a Central Committee member hand-cuffed to him.
"Comrade, I'm so impressed with your speed and efficiency. How did you discover this enemy agent so quickly?" asked the concierge
"It's simple , Comrade. Our dear Comrade Honecker began his speech and I remembered our Lenin's dictum: 'The Class Enemy never sleeps!' "
Three women go to heaven...
Upon entering the pearly gates God states, "You can live a blissful life with anything you can dream of for all eternity. However, you must not step on any of the ducks!" The women look around to see the floor crowded with waddling ducks. Years go by without a hiccup. Finally after 10 years the first woman makes the dreaded mistake and steps on a duck. Immediately she in handcuffed to the most hideous, grotesque man she has ever seen. God states, "This shall remain for all eternity!" Five years later the second women makes the same crucial mistake and "p**...!" another hideous mate handcuffed for the rest of time. Finally after decades, "p**...!" the final women is suddenly strapped to the most handsome, perfect man she has ever seen. She screams to God, "What did I do to be so lucky?!!" At that moment the man looks over and says, "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck!"
Three men die and go to heaven
St. Peter welcomes them at the Pearly Gates and tells them they are all allowed to enter but there is one rule they must not break, under no circumstances can of them step on a duck. As they walk in, they realize there are ducks everywhere. The first guy makes it about an hour but then accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter has him handcuffed to the ugliest woman the man has ever seen. Determined not to make the same mistake, the next two men are careful, but it isn't long before one of them steps on a duck and is handcuffed to a hideous woman. The third man spends the next 3 months treading carefully and manages to avoid all ducks, until one day St. Peter comes and handcuffs him to the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. The man says, "what have i done to deserve such a thing?" The woman answers, "I don't know about you, but i stepped on a duck.