Hand Soap Jokes
35 hand soap jokes and hilarious hand soap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hand soap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hand Soap Short Jokes
Short hand soap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hand soap humour may include short hand sanitizer jokes also.
- What did Hellen Kellers mother do when Hellen said a bad word? She washed her hands with soap
- There was a deaf mute who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.
- You hear about the guy who was accused of jerking off with hand soap for his erectile disfunction? Well, he finally came clean.
- Why didn't the store let the man return the hand soap he'd purchased? It was anti-back-to-retail soap.
- So if we get our mouth washed out with soap for saying naughty words, Should we get our hands washed for typing them? Should we get our hands washed for typing them?
- People who work at soap factories don't have to wash their hands after using the bathroom. Discuss.
- My nephew is conducting a study of the effectiveness of hand soap in health care settings. He goes to the hospital twice a week for Dialalysis.
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Hand Soap One Liners
Which hand soap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hand soap? I can suggest the ones about hand washing and bar of soap.
- What did the soap say to the hands as they were being washed? "I think we're in sink."
- A islamic dial ripoff made a new type of hand soap. Aloe Akbar.
- What do you get when you put olives in your hand? Dish Soap.
(I'll wait) - I went to an opera with my hands dirty Cause I thought there would be soap.
- If a deaf kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- Yo' momma's so n**... If she were soap I'd wash my hands after using her.
Hand Soap Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hand soap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean body wash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hand soap pranks.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)
What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy that was accused of using his boss's hand soap as l**... for m**...?
He came clean.
All US prison wardens got together and brainstormed to put a stop to prison rapes.
They finally decided on a high tech solution- an anti-slip soap bar with an internal combustion engine equipped with state of the art artificial engine that would fly the soap back to the prisoner's hand even if it somehow falls down.
The Russian wardens too found a solution- shower gel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick of being called a pervert by women.
The hand soap in the men's restroom just isn't sufficient.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Please let us know if this restroom needs attention
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ladies room
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
the soap dispensing priest
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest goes to take a shower late at night.....
After going in he realizes that there is no soap and remembers he has soap in his room.And Goes To Get Soap Without Getting Dressed.
He Grabs Two Bars Of Soap In His Hands From His Room And Heads Back To The Shower.
He Gets Halfway Down The Hall Suddenly He Sees Three Nuns Coming His Way.
He Find No Place To Hide Than He Stands Against The Wall And Freezes Like He is A Statue.
The Nuns Stop And Comment: How Original This Statue Is Looking.
The First Nun Go Further And Pulls His D*c**....
Startled, Father John Drops A Bar Of Soap.
First Nun: Oh Look, This Statue Is A Soap Dispenser.
To Test Her Theory the Second Nun Also Pulls His D*c**..., And Sure Enough He Drops The Last Bar Of Soap.
Now The Third Nun Then Pulls First Once, Then Twice And Three Times. Still Nothing Happens.
So She With Confusion Tries Once more time then she suddenly Yells: Holy Mary, Mother Of God, It's Liquid Soap This Time! www
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple decide to give s**... a codeword...
because of their young children they decide to call having s**... "doing the wash"
One day the father comes home to find his wife on the couch watching her soaps and the kids running around the house, and he asks, "honey, let's go to our room and *do the wash*!
She says, "Not now, I'm just really into these soaps right now, give me a half hour or so..."
When she's done she finds him and asks him if he's still ready to "do the wash" and he replies,
"Naw, it was a small load and I did it by hand, anyway."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bathroom Etiquette
An Air Force Major is just finishing up at a u**... when a Marine Corp Captain enters the bathroom. As the Marine is peeing, the Air Force officer makes a show of carefully soaping and scrubbing his hands with military precision. Just as the Air Force Major is drying off his hands, the Marine flushes and heads for the door.
"You know, in the Air Forces they teach us that you should always wash your hands after you pee," says the Air Force Major.
"Really?" replies the Marine. "In the Corp they just teach us not to pee on our hands."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cleaning operation!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly s**... his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him."She asks, Running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I`m afraid I can't," breathes the manager - clearly a**..., "he's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rather attractive woman after having been in the Pub awhile, goes up to the bar of this small rural Pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly a**.... "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across his lips and slyly popping a finger into his mouth.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender, flustered, managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands.
Actually, no". the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't." breathes the bartender. "Is there anything *I* can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
#2857: Two priests are in a shower.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"