Hand Signal Jokes
16 hand signal jokes and hilarious hand signal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hand signal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hand Signal Short Jokes
Short hand signal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hand signal humour may include short hand gestures jokes also.
- My driving instructor said that it was important to understand how to use universally understood hand signals. Funny, his whole tune changed when I started flipping people off.
- I don't know why people say that you're not supposed to flip off other drivers. It's a universally understood hand signal.
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Hand Signal Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hand signal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sign language jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hand signal pranks.
"Drive that thing like you stole it!"
One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Pavlov was drinking in a bar
and chatting with some fellow scientists. The time flew by, and before he knew it the barman loudly rang the bell signalling last orders.
Pavlov clapped a hand to his forehead, 'Oh c**...!' he cried. 'I forgot to feed the dog!'
A traffic policeman was patrolling at a signal.
A woman ran a red light, and he pulled her over.
The woman said, Please let me go! I'm a teacher.
The policeman laughed and said, Time for payback.
He hands her a notebook and a pen tells her, Write: I'll never break traffic rules again 100 times.
A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top.
She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits.
Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me."
The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a ballerina?"
"Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina."
Three Ducks are in Court
They are about to take to the stand against Judge Swan.
The first duck steps up.
What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan
My name is Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond
Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the next duck.
The second duck steps up.
What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan
My name is Quack Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond
Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the last duck.
The last duck steps up.
Lemme guess, is your name Quack Quack Quack? asked Judge Swan.
No, my name is Bubbles
A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered.
He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants. With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.
Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back.
There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.
Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'For Coffee!'
Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."
Please let us know if this restroom needs attention
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
Ladies room
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
The VW Genie
A man was driving his brand new Rolls Royce. At the signal this beaten up Beetle stops next to him, and tells him "Nice car! I'm willing to swap you with my car for a $1,000,000"
The rich guy looks at him and says "why would I want your car?"
At this point the VW's driver rubs the steering wheel and out comes a genie. He tells him "I'd like to have some tea". In a flash it's in his hand.
The Rolls' owner goes berserk, gives him the money and the Rolls, and takes the Beetle.
He drives up to his mansion, and everybody is wondering why he'd be driving a car like that. Proudly, he rubs the steering wheel, and out comes the genie. He tells him "I want a million dollars in cash!"
The genie says "Sorry, sir. I just do tea & coffee"
The cleaning operation!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly s**... his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him."She asks, Running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I`m afraid I can't," breathes the manager - clearly a**..., "he's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
A rather attractive woman after having been in the Pub awhile, goes up to the bar of this small rural Pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly a**.... "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".
A s**... woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across his lips and slyly popping a finger into his mouth.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender, flustered, managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands.
Actually, no". the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't." breathes the bartender. "Is there anything *I* can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message." she continues, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."