Hand Clasp Jokes
8 hand clasp jokes and hilarious hand clasp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hand clasp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Witty Hand Clasp Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What is a good hand clasp joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men are captured by a group of Indians
The Indians tell the men were going to kill you, skin you, and turn your skin into canoes. You have 3 options, we can burn you, drown you, or hang you.
First guy says, hang me. So they hang him, skin him, turn him into a canoe.
Second guy says, down me. So they drown him, skin him, turn him into a canoe.
Third guy says, I have 1 wish. A fork. So they bring him a fork. He clasps the fork in his hand and says, I don't care how you kill me… he starts vigorously stabbing himself …but to h**... with your canoe!
Steve asked the preacher to pray for his hearing.
After a few minutes of fervent prayer with his hands clasped over Steve's ears the entire time, he stopped and asked, "How's your hearing now?" Steve replied, "I don't know. It's coming up this Tuesday at the courthouse."
If your'e anxious and you know it.....
...clasp your hands.
A pirate captain was sailing to Antarctica in search of treasure.
One morning, his first mate woke him.
Captain, the ship won't move! The ocean is frozen solid!
The pirate captain rose from his bed, yawned, and stretched. After a good scratch, he put on his boots and coat, and strode out of his quarters.
As he arrived at the bow of the ship, his men gathered around in nervous anticipation. He pulled out his pocket telescope and took a good, long look around the entire horizon. He collapsed his telescope, placed it back in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back. After some time, he tipped his head down toward his first mate and said:
Ice sea.
A woman has been having stomach pain for the past week...
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of stomach cramps. Once she reaches the doctor, he tells her they'll need to run a few tests. At the end of the visit, he says she must come back in a week, when the results come in. Once she enters his office, he says, "Well, I hope you're ready for many sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!"
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman asks excitedly, clasping her hands.
"No, you have inoperable bowel cancer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pilgrim is walking through the woods when he comes across a hungry bear....
...the pilgrim then drops to his knees on the trail and claspes his hands together to pray for salvation. To his surprise . . . so did the bear! Greatly heartened by this, the pilgrim then began to pray.
"Oh, Heavenly Father, please let this be a Christian bear! I don't want to be eaten by those evil n**... devil bears!
And the bear, to the great shock of the pilgrim, began to pray, too!
Kneeling there on the side of the road across from the pilgrim, paws clasped together, the bear prayed, "Oh, Heavenly Father! For this meal, which we are about to receive . . . we give thanks.
Two rabbis are at temple...
Two rabbis of great scholarly distinction are spending a quiet morning at Temple, enjoying peaceful contemplation in the near-empty building. Suddenly overwhelmed with spiritual exaltation, the first rabbi stands, and with his hands spread wide exclaimed, "Lord, I am nothing!", and with a deep breath, he sat back down. The second rabbi, feeling a similar rush of soul stirring, stood up, and with his hands clasped over his head and his eyes shut tight, proclaimed calmly "Lord, I am nothing." Sitting back down, both rabbis returned to their talmudic ruminations.
Near the front of the room was a volunteer cleaner, who had been sweeping up and saw both of the revered men make the profound statements. So overcome with emotion having just witnessed the most sublime of confessions from such great leaders of faith, he tossed down his broom, fell to his knees, and wailed "Oh LORD! I am nothing!"
The rabbis both looked up, startled out of meditation. The first rabbi looked at the second, and gesturing towards the cleaner with his eyebrows, said "So look who think's he's nothing."
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