Hamlet Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.


To attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's "Hamlet", Act I, Scene II:

"Ay, madam"

I always thought Hamlet

was the story of a small pig.

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

Shakespeare jokes

Said Hamlet of ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

-Some of Spike Milligan's finest work

What's it called when spies perform Hamlet?


Hamlet has to pee [Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class:
To pee, or not to pee, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention.
Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it.
To go-to pee,
No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be piss'd.

Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned?

He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

What is Dr. Seuss' favorite play?

Green Eggs and Hamlet

Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet?

Because it was a Great Dane.

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?


What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet?


Why don't Asian parents like Hamlet?

Because the monologue should be "To A or not to A"

What do you call a miniature pig with narcolepsy?

A sleepy little hamlet.

Hamlet gets a cough

So, Hamlet is admitted to a hospital for a cough.

He asks the doctors: "TB or not TB"

What percentage of the characters in Hamlet were prostitutes?

I don't know, but maybe you can ask Horatio.

TIL in modern retellings of Hamlet, directors often have a major debate when ascribing a proper apartment number to Hamlet's living residence

and whether it should be 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?


What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet?

Toby or not Toby

What does Hamlet say when he wakes up in the morning?

*"Eye, there's the rub!"*

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What are the funniest hamlet jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Hamlet? Well, here are the best Hamlet puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Hamlet pick up lines to share with friends.


Joko Jokes