hamlet Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious hamlet puns

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

"Hello."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Prince Hamlet was having trouble finding out the proportion of sluts to non-sluts in Denmark.

So he asked his friend Horatio.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

To attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's "Hamlet", Act I, Scene II:

"Ay, madam"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I always thought Hamlet

was the story of a small pig.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Shakespeare jokes

Said Hamlet of ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

-Some of Spike Milligan's finest work

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's it called when spies perform Hamlet?

Thespionage

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hamlet has to pee [Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class:
To pee, or not to pee, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention.
Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it.
To go-to pee,
No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be piss'd.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned?

He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is Dr. Seuss' favorite play?

Green Eggs and Hamlet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet?

Hamlet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet?

Because it was a Great Dane.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a miniature pig with narcolepsy?

A sleepy little hamlet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What percentage of the characters in Hamlet were prostitutes?

I don't know, but maybe you can ask Horatio.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why don't Asian parents like Hamlet?

Because the monologue should be "To A or not to A"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hamlet gets a cough

So, Hamlet is admitted to a hospital for a cough.

He asks the doctors: "TB or not TB"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does Hamlet say when he wakes up in the morning?

*"Eye, there's the rub!"*

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why does Michael Scott hate Hamlet?

Toby or not Toby

πŸ‘πŸΌ

TIL in modern retellings of Hamlet, directors often have a major debate when ascribing a proper apartment number to Hamlet's living residence

and whether it should be 2B or not 2B.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Excuse me but I didn't order Hamlet

I ordered an omlet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My friend gave me a copy of Hamlet

Instead of letters it was all numbers. He gave me a cipher, but said he might have broke it....

So now I am wondering to myself... 2-B or not 2-B

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call an earthquake during a production of Hamlet?

A Shakesperience

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Imagine Hamlet, but starring a pig....

It's called Hamlet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Tu-ba or no tu-ba.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What happens when you combine algebra and hamlet?

=2b or not 2b?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did Hamlet say when he was asked for a pencil?

2B or not 2B?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

There was a little hamlet overseen by a man named Lord JesΓΊs de Vampirosos. He asked his knights to call him Christo, since he was a great reformer.

All the peasants were Christians.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If Hamlet was more of a player.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew his wife, Horatio."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What happened when Hamlet discovered his love dead?

Necro-Ophelia

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Girl, I must be Hamlet

'Cos I've already had Ophelia

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I said to this bloke,"I'm going to be performing in the play *Hamlet* at a local theatre."

He said,"Are you being facetious?"

I said,"No- Polonius."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Hamlet jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hamlet? Well, here are the best Hamlet dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hamlet pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes