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Hamburger Jokes

134 hamburger jokes and hilarious hamburger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hamburger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of hamburger jokes! We have the best of the best from Neil Hamburger, Hamburger Helper, 101 Hamburger and more. Whether you're in the mood for a good old classic cheeseburger or something a little more unique, these jokes will add some zest to any conversation about fastfood.

Best Short Hamburger Jokes

Short hamburger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hamburger humour may include short cheeseburger jokes also.

  1. Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state.
  2. A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."
  3. What did one hamburger bun say to the other hamburger bun? Nothing. They had beef between them.
  4. A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger The librarian says, "This is a library."
    The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."
  5. What's the difference between water falling from the sky and hamburgers falling from the sky? One of them is a meatier shower.
  6. A hamburger and a French fry walk into a bar The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here"
  7. A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. But the bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.
  8. What do you call a person from Hamburg? German
    (My 8-year old was very proud of coming up with this one!)
  9. a Colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. Jane's friend took a bite of her hamburger.
    vs.
    Jane's friend took a bite of her colon.
  10. What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.

Quick Jump To


Hamburger joke, What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hamburger can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hamburger puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Hamburger One Liners

Which hamburger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hamburger? I can suggest the ones about burger and fries and burgers fries.

  1. Why didn't the hamburger buns get along? They always had beef between them.
  2. A hamburger walks into a bar.. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."
  3. How did the hamburger introduce his daughter? Meet Patty.
  4. Americans may be ignorant of other cultures... But at least we invented the hamburger
  5. How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty.
  6. Never get a hamburger in Athens. Way too Greecey.
  7. What do you say to someone with a degree in art? Hamburger and fries, please.
  8. What do you call a male cow that eats hamburgers? A cannibull..ha..ha..?
  9. What did the Mongols put on their Hamburgers? Khan-diments.
  10. What did the hamburger say to the hot dog? You're on a roll!
  11. Why does a hamburger have more energy than a steak? Because it's in a ground state.
  12. How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor.
  13. How many vegans does it take to eat a hamburger? It depends if anyone is looking.
  14. Why did the Hamburger and the Steak fight? They had some beef
  15. An American cannibal visits Germany. What does he have for lunch? A Hamburger.

Hamburger Patty Jokes

Here is a list of funny hamburger patty jokes and even better hamburger patty puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat Patty
  • What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty
  • Following the meatless hamburger craze, a German company announced that they will start making a patty made out of Soylent Green. They insist it is made completely from Hamburgers.
  • What do you call a cake made out of hamburgers? A patty cake!
  • What did the hamburger name her child? Patty
  • What do you call frozen hamburger patties? Burrrrrrgers.
  • What kind of food truck serves hamburgers? A patty wagon
  • I was grilling, and dropped a hamburger patty Now it's ground beef
  • How do you introduce a hamburger? Meet patty... badum tss
  • How does a hamburger introduce his wife? ...meat Patty.

Hamburger Bun Jokes

Here is a list of funny hamburger bun jokes and even better hamburger bun puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
  • Where do all the bad hamburger buns live? In the seedy part of town
  • Why did hamburger go to the gym? To get better buns.
  • I like my women like I like my hamburgers With enriched white buns...
  • I am tired of hamburger buns. There is always beef between them.
  • Why did the comedian say he preferred his hamburger on a croissant roll? "Because," he said, "the bun is the lowest form of pastry."
  • A hot dog is at the snack bar .... "When a hamburger walked by he whistled and said, "wow baby, nice buns! " the hamburger just ignored him and thought to herself "what a wienie"...
  • What's the best way to organize your cakes, muffins, and hamburger buns? Alphabreadically!

Hamburger Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny hamburger day jokes and even better hamburger day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Give a man a hamburger . . . you will feed him for a day. Lend a man a hamburger and he will gladly pay you Tuesday.
  • Give a man a hamburger and he'll eat for a day Teach a man to hamburger and he'll be fed 3 times per day at the institution.
  • This year, the White House's memorial day Barbecue will be serving sliders... Or as Trump calls them, "regular-sized hamburgers."
  • My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talking about.

Hamburger Helper Jokes

Here is a list of funny hamburger helper jokes and even better hamburger helper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dad used to roadie for Meatloaf... He called himself a hamburger helper.
  • What do you call "hamburger helper" for road kill? "Roadside Assistance"
  • Why doesn't O.J Simpson like Hamburger helper? Because it doesn't fit his taste.
  • What do you call condoms made for senior citizens? Hamburger Helper.
  • Why was the Hamburger Helper embarrassed? Because someone caught him stroganoff
  • A herd of m**... cattle is called Beef Stroganoff, but what do you call it when they do it to each other? Hamburger Helper

Neil Hamburger Jokes

Here is a list of funny neil hamburger jokes and even better neil hamburger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is it always so hot at Grateful Dead shows? Because their fans don't work.
    (Credit to Neil Hamburger)
Hamburger joke, Why is it always so hot at Grateful Dead shows?

Howlingly Hilarious Hamburger Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about hamburger you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean cheese burger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hamburger prank.

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.

He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" The waiter says, That's nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

A man walks into a burger joint

He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-h**...:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives h**...?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."

A hot dog and a hamburger...

A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar. The hot dog says, "I've got some bad news for you and I can either sugar coat it, or give it to you straight." The hamburger replies, "Please--Beef Frank."

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar......

the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Why couldn't the computer process the hamburger?

It only had one byte.

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."

A guy walks into a library...

and says to the librarian, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."
The librarian looks at him and says, "This is a library, you idiot."
The man says, "Oh sorry!" and whispers, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."

Where did the hamburger go to dance?

The Meatball

1.What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage?

WATAAAH!
2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger?
WHOPPAH!
3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight?
HYAAAAATT!

How do we know that steak has more energy than hamburger?

Because hamburger is in the ground state.

On a whim, I bought a snake yesterday at the local pet store...

Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.

What do you call a frozen hamburger?

A ham-brrr-ger.
my 7yo claims she made it up herself.

A hamburger and some fries walk into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "we don't serve food here."

Kevin is woken up for school.

Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to get up."
"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."
"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."
"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"
*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*

I went to the food court today.

And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff.

People form Pittsburgh are called Pittsburgers. Do you know what people from Hamburg are called?

Germans

A Panda Walks Into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

Good joke to drop on most people.

A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says:
Hamburgers - $1.00
Cheeseburgers - $2.00
h**... - $10.00
So the man approaches the blond, b**..., beautiful bartender and says: "Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She replies "I sure am, sugar!"
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

An American, a Russian and an Estonian are on a plane

The American opens the door and drops some hamburgers and then says: "I have too many of these". Then the Russian goes to the Door and throws down some bottles of v**... and says: "I have too many of them". Then the Estonia comes and throws down the Russian and says: "I have too many of them".

How do you make a hamburger laugh?

Pickle it gently.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."

A hamburger walks into a bar

The bartender stares him down, and says *"We don't serve food here!"*

How do you build a hamburger house?

From the ground up.

If Londoners are what you call people from London and New Yorkers are what you call people from New York, what are Hamburgers??

Delicious!!

A biker walks into a bar...

...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A guy walks into a diner and sees the fry cook, with one arm, making hamburger patties by smashing meat under his armpit...

The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.
The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.

Two guys go into a diner...

The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was thinking of having a hot dog but I've changed my mind."

We all were laughing

It was all laugh and giggles until we realised that the stutterer wanted a hamburger.

When you go to a French-Afghani fusion restaurant...

...but you can't decide between the lamb burger or l'hamburger.

My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger.

They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's t**....

What did the cow say to the hamburger?

Chuck, not you too!

When I was a kid, my dad would give me $5 and tell me to get groceries. I would come back with 2 j**... of milk, 2 dozen eggs, 1lb cheeze, 1lb Hamburger, 2 loafs of bread, and a half pound of butter.

But now a-days security has gotten better you just can't steal that much anymore.

You tell them you're quitting alcohol, they offer you free drinks.

You tell them you're vegan, they offer you steaks and hamburgers.
You tell them you have no s**... life and ... nobody bats an eye.

How do you call it when you help someone make a hamburger?

A co-whopperation.

A man walks into a bar...

and on the menu he sees Hamburgers $5, Cheeseburgers $6, h**... $10. He walks up to the bar and a beautiful brunette comes to take his order. She seductively leans over the bar and asks the man, Can I get you something dear? The man says Are you the one that makes the burgers and gives the h**...? She grins and says I sure am honey and winks at him. He says Great, can you wash your hands, I'd love a cheeseburger.

German life guard joke


A group of tourists were on a boat in hamburg when the engine exploded and created a fire in the bottom of the boat.
They quickly called up the German coast guard for the German Life. Who answered with "Ja, Hallo, dis is ze German Coast Guard, How can i help you?
They responded "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"

The hot dog

So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look too good, either.
Deciding he'd better not take any chances, the guy orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.
The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.
The guy says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"
The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."
And the guy says, "Cancel the hot dog."

A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: h**... - $15'.

The girl asks: 'Can I help?
'Yes,' says the man, 'the h**..., are you the one giving them?'
The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'
The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'

I went to a bar on the weekend and the sign read:

Hamburgers £1:00
Cheeseburgers £2:00
h**... £3:00 (Oh yesss!!)
I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. "Can I help you?" she asked with a big smile. "I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?" "Yessssss" she almost purrs "I am" "Well wash your hands," I said "I want a cheeseburger!!"

An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".
The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"
The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

What's the difference between a b**... and a hamburger?

If you don't know the answer then I would like to take you to lunch.

a traveling salesman ...

So a traveling salesman goes into a fairly grungy diner. The waitress comes over, and she doesn't look much better.
Deciding not to take any chances, the salesman orders two hamburgers and a hot dog.
The waitress comes over a few minutes later with the hamburgers under her arms.
The salesman says, "Why are the hamburgers under your arms?"
The waitress says, "I'm keeping them warm."
And the salesman says, "Cancel the hot dog."

Where do pigs live in Germany?

Ham-burg

What does a r**... and a hamburger have in common?

They're both in bread.

In my day, I could walk into the grocery with a dime and walk out with a loaf of bread, half a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a pound of hamburger.

Nowadays they've got these newfangled cameras everywhere.

A old British man is waiting to get in to the Hamburg airport and his fumbling to get his passport when the custom agent says God sir have you ever been to Hamburg before

The man says yes it was the 40s it was dark we didn't land

March 2023, one year into the Ukraine war

A scowling man said to himself as he walked: No hamburgers, no coffee, not even toiletries...
At this time, police in plainclothes came over and whispered to him: I warn you, if you slander great Russia under Putin's leadership like this, I will hit you with a p**... on the head!
The man looked at him and continued to talk to himself: Look, no bullets.

Hamburger joke, March 2023, one year into the Ukraine war

jokes about hamburger

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hamburger jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.