The Best 62 Hamburger Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Hamburger jokes. There are some hamburger handjobs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these hamburger sandwich puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Hamburger Jokes and Puns

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.

He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" The waiter says, That's nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

A man walks into a burger joint

He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads

-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00

He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."

What did the hamburger name his daughter?

Patty

Hamburger joke, What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A hot dog and a hamburger...

A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar. The hot dog says, "I've got some bad news for you and I can either sugar coat it, or give it to you straight." The hamburger replies, "Please--Beef Frank."

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.

The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."


A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar......

the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Why couldn't the computer process the hamburger?

It only had one byte.

Hamburger joke, Why couldn't the computer process the hamburger?

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."

A guy walks into a library...

and says to the librarian, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."

The librarian looks at him and says, "This is a library, you idiot."

The man says, "Oh sorry!" and whispers, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."

Where did the hamburger go to dance?

The Meatball

1.What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage?

WATAAAH!

2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger?
WHOPPAH!

3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight?
HYAAAAATT!

You can explore hamburger fastfood reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hamburger fries dad jokes. There are also hamburger puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How do we know that steak has more energy than hamburger?

Because hamburger is in the ground state.

On a whim, I bought a snake yesterday at the local pet store...

Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.

Where do all the bad hamburger buns live?

In the seedy part of town

What did the homeless guy eat after he dropped his hamburger?

Ground beef

What do you call frozen hamburger patties?

Burrrrrrgers.

Hamburger joke, What do you call frozen hamburger patties?

What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger?

WHOPPAAAHHH

Americans may be ignorant of other cultures...

But at least we invented the hamburger

I was grilling, and dropped a hamburger patty

Now it's ground beef


A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."

What do you call a frozen hamburger?

A ham-brrr-ger.

my 7yo claims she made it up herself.

A hamburger and some fries walk into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "we don't serve food here."

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

Kevin is woken up for school.

Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"

"But mom, I don't want to get up."

"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."

"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."

"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"

*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*

I went to the food court today.

And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff.

A Panda Walks Into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

What do you call hamburger in India ?

God

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

Give a man a hamburger . . .

you will feed him for a day. Lend a man a hamburger and he will gladly pay you Tuesday.

For you science nerds, Have you heard of Cole's Law?

It goes good with a hamburger.

My dad used to roadie for Meatloaf...

He called himself a hamburger helper.

How do you make a hamburger laugh?

Pickle it gently.

Why did the Hamburger and the Steak fight?

They had some beef

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:

* Nachos $4

* Hamburger $3

* Hotdog $2

* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3

* Grilled Cheese $2

* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50

* Handjob $10

After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."

How did the hamburger introduce his daughter?

Meet Patty.

A hamburger walks into a bar

The bartender stares him down, and says *"We don't serve food here!"*

How do you build a hamburger house?

From the ground up.

Why did hamburger go to the gym?

To get better buns.

How many vegans does it take to eat a hamburger?

It depends if anyone is looking.

A biker walks into a bar...

...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

Did you hear about the chef that got kicked out of the comedy cook out?

Apparently he only brought hamburger puns.

My 7 y/o pal told me this.

What does the hamburger say when you ask it a question?

Zero.

Because hamburgers are round, like a zero.

A guy walks into a diner and sees the fry cook, with one arm, making hamburger patties by smashing meat under his armpit...

The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.

The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.

Two guys go into a diner...

The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was thinking of having a hot dog but I've changed my mind."

A herd of masturbating cattle is called Beef Stroganoff, but what do you call it when they do it to each other?

Hamburger Helper

We all were laughing

It was all laugh and giggles until we realised that the stutterer wanted a hamburger.

My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger.

They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.

What did the cow say to the hamburger?

Chuck, not you too!

What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat?

One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.

When I was a kid, my dad would give me $5 and tell me to get groceries. I would come back with 2 jugs of milk, 2 dozen eggs, 1lb cheeze, 1lb Hamburger, 2 loafs of bread, and a half pound of butter.

But now a-days security has gotten better you just can't steal that much anymore.

How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?

Meat patty.

How do you call it when you help someone make a hamburger?

A co-whopperation.

What do you say to someone with a degree in art?

Hamburger and fries, please.

Following the meatless hamburger craze, a German company announced that they will start making a patty made out of Soylent Green.

They insist it is made completely from Hamburgers.

My favorite food is hamburger, but that does not mean I do not enjoy steak once in a while

..That was not the right thing to say when my girlfriend asked why I'm staring at other women.

What's the difference between a blow job and a hamburger?

If you don't know the answer then I would like to take you to lunch.

What did the hamburger say to the hot dog?

You're on a roll!

What did the hamburger name her child?

Patty

What does a redneck and a hamburger have in common?

They're both in bread.

A hamburger walks into a bar..

The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."

What do you call "hamburger helper" for road kill?

"Roadside Assistance"

A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger

The librarian says, "This is a library."

The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hamburger sirloin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working hamburger armpit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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