Because the hamburger is in the ground state.
Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."
A guy walks into a bar and is greeted by a female bartender. On the wall he sees a menu that reads:
- Cheese sandwich 1.50
- Hamburger 2.50
- Handjobs 10.00
Quickly, the man checks his wallet to see how much money he has.
He asks the bartender: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs around here?"
With a wink and a sexy smile she replies in a sultry voice "Why yes, I am."
The man says "Well, go and wash your hands because I'm ready for a cheese sandwich!"
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* Handjob $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
Meet Patty.
But at least we invented the hamburger
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Meat patty.
A Poor elderly couple walk into a fastfood restaurant and order one value meal. They quietly go to their table And the man gets a knife and cut the hamburger in half, gets a plastic cup, And proceed to equally divide the drink that came with the menu drop by drop. He then divide the fry's one by one so they both get exactly the same amount.
Another costumer noticed this and gets to the couple: "It seems you can't afford to get a meal for both. I be happy to buy you an additional meal". The man replies: "No its OK. we are used to sharing. We share everything since we are together.", and the costumer go back to his table but still observe the couple.
He sees how the man drinks half of their drink.
He sees how the man eats his part of the fry's
and he sees how the man eat his half of the hamburger, he noticed his wife haven't eat a single bite.
He goes back to the couple and ask the wife:"Well what are you waiting for?",
The wife replied:"the teeth"
Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.
Hamburger and fries, please.
One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.
...and they sit down and the man orders.
"25 Hamburgers. Two for me, and the rest for my pet snake."
A little while later, the waitress brings the man his two hamburgers, and for the snake, a large plate with 23 cooked beef patties, nothing more.
The snake takes one look at the patties and turns away in disgust. The man asks the waitress, "You have to put them on hamburger buns like a regular hamburger for him."
The waitress protests, "But sir, we're short on hamburger buns as it is, and can snakes even eat bread?"
The man replies, "Look, my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun."
...and one day decides that he is peckish. So he goes down to his local McDonalds, giraffe in tow. He decides that he will have a hamburger; he buys one for the giraffe too. Then decides he's still hungry, so he has some fries. Again, the giraffe gets the same. The man then decides he is thirsty, and the giraffe and the man have a milkshake each. Satisfied, the man leaves with the giraffe. However the mixture has taken its toll on the giraffe, which falls down with a bad stomach. Upon seeing this the owner steps out of the restaurant and shouts, "Hey! Ya can't leave that lyin' there!" to which the man replies, "It isn't a lion! It's a giraffe!"
and says to the librarian, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."
The librarian looks at him and says, "This is a library, you idiot."
The man says, "Oh sorry!" and whispers, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
So a man on a long trip decides to stop at a bar. He walks in, sits down at the bar and looks at the menu.
Soda: $1
Beer: $2
Hot Dog: $2.50
Hamburger: $3
Cheeseburger: $4
Then the man notices something at the very bottom of the menu..
Hand Jobs: $5
The man is a little confused, but then the bartender comes out, a stacked, beautiful blonde. She goes to him and asks "you like anything on the menu?" the man responds "are you the one that gives the hand jobs?" she smiles, "why yes I am" so the man says "ok, well wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger"
One day during inspection he had a ketchup stain on his shirt. This had the natural punishment of kitchen duty.
That night he reported and there was a big, fat, sweaty man in a wife beater making hamburger patties for dinner the next night. He'd pick up a handful of beef, put it into his armpit and flatten it into a patty.
My uncle was absolutely disgusted as they had hamburgers every Thursday for his 2 year deployment. While he was curled over a trash can trying to control his stomach the chef pipes up:
"If you think that's bad you oughta be here the day we make donuts"
The guy complains to his waiter that using his armpit to make burger patties is the grossest thing a fry cook could ever do to prepare food.
The waiter responds, I assure you it's not. In the morning he makes donuts.
The waitress brings his meal to him, and he takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see the cook. The waitress takes him back to the kitchen and he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!, and starts to gag. The waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Hamburger Helper
The bartender looks up and says, "we don't serve food here."
He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."
They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's throat.
It's a little meteor.
It depends if anyone is looking.
the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
They had some beef
The Meatball
It was all laugh and giggles until we realised that the stutterer wanted a hamburger.
A co-whopperation.
The bartender stares him down, and says *"We don't serve food here!"*
Patty
The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was thinking of having a hot dog but I've changed my mind."
In the seedy part of town
Pickle it gently.
A ham-brrr-ger.
my 7yo claims she made it up herself.
Because hamburger is in the ground state.
WATAAAH!
2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger?
WHOPPAH!
3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight?
HYAAAAATT!
To get better buns.
A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar. The hot dog says, "I've got some bad news for you and I can either sugar coat it, or give it to you straight." The hamburger replies, "Please--Beef Frank."
Chuck, not you too!
And in the case of Pizza V Hamburger, the judge ruled in favor of the plantiff.
...and sat down. He seemed unsure what to order.
The waiter asked him if he wanted a hamburger, and he said, "No thanks, I tried it once but I didn't like it."
So the waiter responded, "Well would you like a pizza?" but the man answered, "No, I tried it once but I didn't like it"
The waiter wanted to know if he'd like to eat a steak, and again the man replied, "No, I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son."
The waiter said, "Your only child, I assume?"
you will feed him for a day. Lend a man a hamburger and he will gladly pay you Tuesday.
Now it's ground beef
Burrrrrrgers.
Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to get up."
"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."
"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."
"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"
*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*
It only had one byte.
From the ground up.
He called himself a hamburger helper.
Apparently he only brought hamburger puns.
WHOPPAAAHHH
But now a-days security has gotten better you just can't steal that much anymore.
He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" The waiter says, That's nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.
It goes good with a hamburger.
What does the hamburger say when you ask it a question?
Zero.
Because hamburgers are round, like a zero.
God
Ground beef
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