Halt Jokes
24 halt jokes and hilarious halt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about halt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Halt Short Jokes
Short halt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The halt humour may include short hold jokes also.
- If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production. He is going to make Americans grate again . . .
- Breaking: governor Greg Abbott halts all commerce in the state of Texas The governor has stated he is committed to stopping all "trans actions" no matter what form they may take
- I have many stories about my unfortunate attempts to bring horses to a halt. They're my tales of whoa.
- Rudy Gobert jokes about Coronavirus Rudy Gobert tested positive for coronavirus. This brought NBA to a halt. On Monday, he had joked about the virus by touching microphones.
- Microsoft used to make fleshlights then they halted production because everyone kept getting viruses.
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Halt One Liners
Which halt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with halt? I can suggest the ones about held and steady.
- What do you call a Jamaican with a broken leg? Usain Halt.
- Windows 10 now halts all hackers... Even hackers can't figure out how to use Windows 10.
- What do Princes Diana and Alan Turing have in common? A halting problem.
- What is Samsung's favorite television series? Halt and Catch Fire.
- What brought the o**... to a screeching halt? Friction.
- I don't think my girlfriend likes dry h**.... She's always grinding to a halt.
The Funniest Halt Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about halt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean idle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make halt pranks.
My 93 year old grandfather FTW
We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night
A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."
Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.
Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"
"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."
A group of passengers are riding the bus to work…
Suddenly, the engine splutters and the bus grinds to a halt at the side of the road. The driver gets out, opens the engine compartment, and peers inside, cursing and swearing.
After a while the passengers get restless. A woman pulls a small toolkit out of her purse, gets up and goes outside, and sees the driver frantically trying to reattach a loose electrical cable with his fingers.
Would you like a screwdriver, she asks.
I'd love one, he replies, but we're ten minutes late already !
A man in a taxi is shocked with the cabbie runs right through a red light...
He shouts "Hey, are you crazy? You just ran that light!"
The cabbie says, "Don't worry. My brother is a cabbie too and he does it all the time."
A few seconds later he runs another red light. The passenger is still nervous but decides that the cabbie knows what he is doing.
Then as they approached a green light, the cabbie slams on breaks and comes to a screeching halt.
"Are you crazy?", the man shouts, "That's a green light! Why did you stop?"
"My brother might be coming the other way."
A guy is out hunting...
He sees a bear and shoots at it. He misses, and suddenly slips and falls down the mountainside. His leg is caught in a bear trap, and the bear is coming right towards him. He cries out, "Lord, I know I've done some bad things in my life, but I promise to repent now if you make this bear a Christian!" The bear skids to a halt, drops to his knees, clasps his paws together and says, "O Lord, I thank you for the food I am about to receive!"
Tracker
So the cowboys hire a native american tracker. The tracker would often dismount his horse, look closely at the ground, sniff, put his ears on the ground, etc.
So today they are riding a trail. Tracker asks for a halt, gets off the horse and holds his ears to the ground. Gets up says "Buffalo come!"
Cowboy says "Wow! You can feel the vibrations of the herd moving?"
Tracker : "No. Face sticky!"
Three engineers were driving down the road.
An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. (Shut up, just go with it). Suddenly their car sputters to a halt.
The electrical engineer says it has to be a problem with the electric system.
The chemical engineer thinks it's a problem in the fuel system.
Then they both look at the Windows engineer... He just says, "Perhaps we should all get out and back in again"
Rorschach Test
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.
"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.
"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having s**...!"
The lady of the manor is out for a drive...
...and, in defiance of all probability and the manufacturer's promise, the Rolls-Royce grinds to a halt in the middle of nowhere. So the chauffeur gets out and, finding himself unable to call the RAC, decided he'd better see what he can do for himself.
After a while, milady gets out of the car and is standing around fretfully, wondering what she can do to help. So she goes over to the toolbox and calls out "I say! Do you need a screwdriver?"
And from underneath the car, the chauffeur answers, "Not now milady, I'm trying to fix the Roller."
First day as SOLDIER!
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear.
>**"No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield"**
A big army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur says, "General William."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. *Do i shoot you or the driver?*"