Halloween Jokes
152 halloween jokes and hilarious halloween puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about halloween that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
My Love for Spooky Halloween Jokes
Halloween and humor have always been a hauntingly perfect combo in my life. The tradition of telling Halloween jokes to friends and family, regardless of age, has always been something I greatly cherish.
Halloween Jokes for Kids
Telling Halloween jokes to kids brings a dash of humor to their wide-eyed excitement. These jokes are typically simple, wholesome, and filled with childlike wonder that results in peals of innocent laughter. It's a joy to see the little ones giggling behind their masks.
Halloween Jokes for Teens
As children grow into their teenage years, their sense of humor evolves. My Halloween jokes for teens are a bit more nuanced, garnished with the right amount of sarcasm and clever word play that inspires laughter, eye rolls, and even amused smirks.
Halloween Dad Jokes
You can never go wrong with classic dad jokes - especially around Halloween. There's just something about those pun-filled, slightly groan-worthy quips that spark laughter across generations. These jokes are a staple in my household and always add a nostalgic touch to our Halloween celebrations.
Halloween Jokes for Adults
Adult Halloween humor comes with its own set of quirks. My Halloween jokes for adults, often laced with just a hint of sophistication, wit, and edginess, always strike a chord. The combination of thematic humor and adult wit is a delightful way to inspire laughter among my peers.
Here is a list of funny halloween jokes and even better halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends. #Halloween2023 https://t.co/BGKxXpo7qz
— Joko Jokes (@jokes_joko) October 24, 2023
1. Did you hear they're cancelling Halloween this year? Because nobody would wear a mask. pic.twitter.com/sispgWKQSX
Halloween Jokes and Riddles
I especially love the challenge and mirth of Halloween jokes and riddles. They are a fantastic brain tease, and the anticipation of solving them only to be met with a humorous punchline is undeniably fun and gratifying. Go even further with a collection of awesomeHalloween puns.
All in all, Halloween jokes, regardless of their style or targeted age group, have been a splendid tradition in my life, opening up avenues of laughter and making my Halloween celebrations all the more memorable.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Halloween Short Jokes
Short halloween jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The halloween humour may include short skeleton jokes also.
- Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween. Why didn't the ghost like to take showers?
Because it would dampen his spirits. - I just found out that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like random strangers showing up at their door.
- A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
- A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg. Apparently the answer is Chicken.
- TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween... I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors
- I was working in a factory making plastic dracula for Halloween. There was only 2 of us on the production line so I had to make every second count
Share These Halloween Jokes With Friends
Halloween One Liners
Which halloween one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with halloween? I can suggest the ones about vampire and ghost.holiday.
- Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas? Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25 - For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes.
- Happy Halloween... Why did the ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS
- I killed a vampire last Halloween ...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.
- Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? DEC 25 == OCT 31
- What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween? Pump-kin
- Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
- How did one vampire give COVID to the other one? By coffin on him!
Happy Halloween :) - Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct31 = Dec25
- Did you hear they're cancelling Halloween this year? Because nobody would wear a mask.
- Wanna know what I am for Halloween? Alone
- Why do computer scientists confuse halloween with christmas? Because
Oct 31 = Dec 25 - I don't have any money, so for Halloween this year I am going to be evicted
- What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin
- On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods. You'll get Jurasskicked.
Halloween Costume Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween costume jokes and even better halloween costume puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp The host asked me: What are you?
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
Me: Are you calling me a lyre? - Mozart, Beethoven, and Schwarzenegger are getting ready to throw a Halloween party. Mozart turns to Arnie and asks, "what's your costume going to be?" "I'll be Bach"
- My friend asked me what I was being for Halloween, and I said "Nothing." He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."
- At a Halloween party A: What are you dressed as?
B: I'm a harp.
A: Your costume's too small to be a harp.
B: Are you calling me a lyre? - I dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween. It wasn't the best costume but I still turned a lot of heads.
- Got sent home from work for my Halloween costume.. Apparently, being a brillo pad was too abrasive for some people.
- In 2023 we're not calling them Halloween costumes anymore... It's *occultural appropriation*
- Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base? The Headless horseman
- People in the deep south must really love Halloween since they march around in their ghost costumes all year long.
- What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein
Halloween Ghost Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween ghost jokes and even better halloween ghost puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween? Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
- What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween? A Ghost Pepper.
- It was a tough Halloween this year.. I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.
Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!" - Why was the ghost late to the halloween party? He had to take a sheet.
- Tinder is haunted I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"
Then she ghosted me. - What is a ghosts favorite thing to drink on Halloween? Boooooooooooze
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos!!!!
Happy Halloween redditors!!! - Got dumped on Halloween… Well at least she didn't ghost me
- My 6 year old's halloween joke Q. What do ghosts have on their bottom?
A. A boo-ty - (OC) I always wanted to be a ghost for Halloween Mom thought it was a good idea because when I was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said I was too dense.
Halloween Candy Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween candy jokes and even better halloween candy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from. He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
- I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused. They're both about candy and being something you're not.
- I swapped the wrappers around on my wife's Halloween candy. She didn't appreciate the joke at all. Now she's got her Snickers in a Twix over it.
- Thank god for dollar shave club Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
- Driving I was out driving on Halloween and I hit a cat, I think it was dressed like a cat. It could have been a piñata for all I know because there was candy everywhere.
- There are three certainties in life: Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.
- Do we even need Halloween anymore? I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 14 months...
- How does a feminist ask for Halloween candies? Trigger Treat.
- With a wheelchair, everyday is Halloween! Children are scared of you, adults try to guess what you are, and the elderly just give you candy!
Paraphrased from the wonderful Zach Anner - I didn't have any candy at Halloween... So I gave out my antidepressants.
It made the kids happy, but it was a real downer for me.
Halloween Kids Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween kids jokes and even better halloween kids puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween. When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."
- A man gives a kid baby carrots on Halloween. The kid hands them back.
The man says, "why did you do that?
The kid says,"exactly." - What do you call a bunch of kids all dressed up as batman? Halloween at the orphanage.
- Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security... Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!
- Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids? Because both dont last very long
- On Halloween I give young kids little boxes of raisins. I've been accused of statutory grape.
- What do Hasidic kids dress up as for Halloween? One eyed ghosts.
- My idea for a Uber like system for Halloween wasn't very popular. I guess parents don't like the idea of a guy in a van picking up their kids at night.
- Kids in wheelchairs always have creative Halloween costumes. They have a leg-up on the competition
- I miss being a little kid on Halloween Unfortunately I got in a little trouble for that last year
Halloween Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny halloween kid jokes and even better halloween kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "why didnt you come to the Halloween party?" I was a black kids father for Halloween this year.
- I am so ugly. On Halloween, I open the front door, kids give me candy.
- What do Orthodox Jewish kids dress up as on Halloween? One eyed ghosts.
- So many kids dressed up as fortnite costumes for Halloween this year They might as well have dressed up as sheep
- A kid from the Make A Wish Foundation told me he wanted to be Batman for Halloween... So I murdered his parents
- A kid asks his greedy father money to buy a police costume for Halloween He told him just go undercover.
- What happens if you kill all the kids in our neighbourhood on Halloween? #1 VICTORY ROYALE
- The kid from the Exorcist got a ticket. For possession.
Happy Halloween. - A man gave peanuts to a 5-year-old on Halloween. The kid said, "why did you take the chocolate off of these m&m's?"
- What candy did Elon Musk give kids for Halloween? Rockets.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Halloween Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about halloween you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean costume jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make halloween pranks.
Anyone need a s**... costume for Halloween?
Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
A guy goes to a halloween party with a g**... his back.
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
I saw the girl i had s**... with on Halloween yesterday
I don't know why she was still dressed up as a guy though...
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
What do r**... do on Halloween?
Pump-kin.
Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did Dracula name his boat?
The Blood Vessel
I went as a congressional bill for Halloween....
I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.
A guy walks into a bar on Halloween
A guy dressed in regular street clothes walks into a bar on Halloween and orders a beer. "I'm here for the costume party," he tells the bartender. The bartender looks him up and down, taking in his ordinary clothing and no makeup or wig. "What are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "I'm a werewolf," the guy replies. "How's that? You're not dressed up at all," the bartender says. "Well, it's not a full moon tonight, now is it Mr. Smart Guy?" the guy replies.
A Halloween joke for you.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"
"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"
I'm going as c**... for Halloween.
That way someone will do me in the bathroom.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?
"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.
I won't be leaving the house.
(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)
I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!
Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.
Stop clicking on click-bait!
(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).
What does a r**... do on Halloween?
Pumpkin
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar during the town's annual Halloween celebration. "I'd sure like to try out that giant corn maze they set up, but I'm afraid I'd get lost and kill half the day in there," the guy tells the bartender. "There is actually a guide you can hire that will take you through the entire labyrinth in just 60 seconds," the bartender reassures him. "It's a minute tour."
What do h**... do on Halloween?
Pump kin.
Bought the ex wife some crotchless p**... for Halloween...
Nothing s**..., just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.
A Halloween Limerick
A lady vampire named Mable
Had a period that was awfully stable.
So once a full moon
She took out her spoon
And drank herself under the table.
Why is Halloween a h**...'s favorite holiday?
Because they like to pumpkin.
I'll see myself out...
On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate.
He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
This is my son's favorite joke and he wanted me to post it for Halloween.
Halloween candy
Halloween was over. All the trick or treaters came and went. Some got candies. Some got confused when we said "trick" and sprayed them with water.
A couple of hours later while we were taking the candy bag inside, a 12 year old came dressed in all red.
Naturally, I told him that Halloween was over and we all wanted to go to sleep now.
Instead, he turned to my girlfriend who was helping me and said. "Im your period. Sorry, I'm late."
My man got the remaining candies.
THE GOVINATOR
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
If you are not in love on Valentine's Day, don't worry.
You don't have to be dead on Halloween, either.
halloween joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party, and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They'd come to the party together dressed as the number ten," he tells the bartender. "That's when I knew, she was the one."
Why does Gandalf never dress as a p**... for halloween?
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
Michelle
On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the n**... carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"
The man says, "I'm a snail."
With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"
The man answers, "Michelle."
What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?
They don't hang themselves.
Happy Early Halloween!
I thought of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.
It's really hard to pull it off.
For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases
But that doesn't seem to scare anyone
My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey...
The bartender gives him one, looks at him head to toe, and asks, "So, what did you dress up for this Halloween?"
The man replies, "A nine-carbon chain".
The bartender chuckles and says, "A nine-carbon chain with alcohol?"
"Yeah, any problem with that?"
"No, nonanol"
Studying chemistry right now and thought of this one. Y'all enjoy Halloween now!
I saw a skeleton being yelled at by his girlfriend. I was surprised to see that he was calm.
When I asked him how he could stay so calm, he said, Nothing can get under my skin.
(Little Halloween joke for y'all!)
If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?
November thirst.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?
I'll be Bach.
What do hillbillys do during halloween ?
They Pumpkin
A joke from work
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
How can you tell Halloween is just around the corner?
Stores start putting out their Christmas decorations.
My mate said There's only one thing that about Halloween that scares me.
I asked Which is?
Exactly! he replied.
Terminator, RoboCop, & Optimus Prime are all together thinking of their next costume for Halloween...
when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".
Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".
Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".
