halloween Jokes

funny halloween jokes and hilarious stories

INTRODUCTION

What are Halloween jokes? Halloween jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the Top 66 halloween jokes to have fun with friends and family. Most famous jokes about halloween ever. Funniest halloween sayings and gags.

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BEST HALLOWEEN JOKES

What are the best halloween jokes? First are the Top 10 Halloween jokes of all time. They are selected among the best 66 halloween ever told. Below are some new and well-known jokes.

Why don't witches wear panties? They get a better grip on their brooms!

women -

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.

attitude - sarcastic -

What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?

time - ugly - yo-mama -

Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music!

music -

A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"

kids -

What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

beauty -

How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!

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FUNNY HALLOWEEN JOKES

What are the funniest halloween jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best halloween funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 66 jokes that are about halloween.

Darth Vader wears a Chuck Norris mask for Halloween.

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.

How come you're responsible if you do your taxes in March, but I'm crazy when I do my trick-or-treating in September?

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.

If you're slutty enough, every day can be Halloween.

On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.

Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

You so ugly on Halloween someone said scary costume.

I think it's a real shame that today's young people don't even know why we really celebrate Halloween. None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn't slain that giant pumpkin.

My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.

Why do Jehovah's witnesses hate Halloween? They don't like people knocking on their door!

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!

Why can't ghost have babies? Because they have Halloweenies.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?

I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And..

What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

What's a monster's favorite bean? A human bean.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out.
The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string.
When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
"I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!"
The man agreed and went into his room.
Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string.
The woman said, "You're going out as that?"
"Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...

Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.

I have won first place in this Halloween costume contest 16 years in a row. This year I am dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll.

What pants do ghosts wear? BOO jeans.

What is Dracula's favorite fruit? A nectarine.

Halloween is easily the scariest night of the year, what with the dead rising from their graves... and fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.

What costume are you wearing for Halloween? Oh yeah, I forgot u don't need one ur ugly as hell.

Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "Annie." "Annie who?" "Annie body home?"

Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places.

In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!

What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!

Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?"
Me: "Drunk"
Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"

Yo mama so ugly that she doesn't need a costume for Halloween.

A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.

Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!

What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!

I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number.

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

What are you going to be on Halloween? You'll probably be a vegan menu.

Q: What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A: See you next month!

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ABOUT

What are Halloween jokes about? Halloween is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about halloween.

Are Halloween jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring halloween joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also view halloween jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with halloween jokes on YouTube.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best halloween jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 66 jokes about halloween. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty halloween jokes to your kids.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Find jokes will make you cry in laughter. Some of these halloween jokes will make her, him laugh. Find and save jokes to tell your friends. Have fun and dig deeper into our jokes archive.

Can I save Halloween jokes? You can do this from Joko Jokes iOS app. It is available for free download from App Store. Bookmark jokes so we ca rank them by how many bookmarks every joke has. Every bookmark increase its position in Joko Jokes' rankings.

Where to read Halloween jokes? Save any joke to your bookmarks for futher reference. Read any Halloween joke from Bookmarks. You can do this from Joko Jokes - funny jokes daily iPhone app.

How to share Halloween joke? You are free to share every Halloween joke found on Joko Jokes. Share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

Browse a lot of Halloween books and funny books with jokes about Halloween on Amazon.

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