I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
My lighthouse, my rules.
Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything
Dress up as my professors, they barely cover anything important.
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
The answer is the chicken.
Girls love to do dishes.
A young lady was invited to a Halloween party, and upon arrival she notices a man wearing nothing but a glass jar on his penis... Intrigued, she approaches the man and asks what he's dressed as.
"A fireman" he replies
"Fireman? How so? You're only wearing a glass jar." She says
"Exactly. Break the glass, pull the knob, and I'll come as fast as I can"
The chicken
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
(
There's a costume party, and this guy shows up dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. The host yells at him: "You were supposed to dress up man, and you just show up shirtless?"
The guy replies: "I'm a premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."
The answer is the chicken.
I don't know why she was still dressed up as a guy though...
For the BOOOOS
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
Pump-kin.
The wife walks out with only a lemon hanging over her snatch. The husband takes one look and storms off to the kitchen and return with a potato on his dong. The wife says "what the hell" and the husband replies "well shit, if you're going as a sour puss then I'm going as a dictator"
Then I realized I couldn't fit my head up my ass
His friend sees him and says, "Hey, what are you meant to be?"
"Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle" he replies
His friend responds, "A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?"
The man replies, "oh, that's just Michelle"
Because Oct31 = Dec25
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.
The host asked me: What are you?
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
Me: Are you calling me a lyre?
...in nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and ask,
"Hey man, what are you meant to be?"
He replies, "I'm a turtle."
His friends respond, "A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?"
The man replies, "Oh, that's just Michelle."
"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"
The host says "Hey man, I'm really glad you could make it, but I don't get your costume." The guest says "Oh, I'm a premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."
Because bitches do dishes.
"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
I won't be leaving the house.
(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)
A man walks into a Halloween party with no shirt on, only wearing a pair of jeans.
The host says, Well, Steve, this is a costume party.
The man responds, I'm in costume. I'm a premature ejaculation.
The host asks, how's that?
I just came in my pants.
...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.
DEC 25 == OCT 31
Pumpkin
I'll show up late and scare the shit out of everyone
They must dislike random people coming up to their doors.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
Pump kin.
A lady vampire named Mable
Had a period that was awfully stable.
So once a full moon
She took out her spoon
And drank herself under the table.
He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Because they like to pumpkin.
I'll see myself out...
Free delivery.
A guy enters a Halloween party just in his pants.
Guy 1: what are you dressed as?
Guy 2: I came as pre mature ejaculation!
Guy 1: okay? Why don't you have a shirt or shoes?
Guy 2: well, I just came in my pants!
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
I guess they don't appreciate random people turning up at their doors.
Because OCT 31=DEC 25
You don't have to be dead on Halloween, either.
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
Because Oct31 = Dec25
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
It's Halloween in Jamaica and some friends are organising a costume party. Everyone's told that the theme of the party is Moods and Feelings.
One the night itself, there's a knock on the door and when the host opens it, standing on the porch are two guys, completely naked, except for the fact that one guy has his cock buried inside a pear and the other is balls deep in a bowl of custard.
The host looks at them before asking, "Guys, what the fuck have you come dressed as??"
One of the guys smiles and says "Mon, I've come in Despair and he's fucking Disgusted"
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the nude carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"
The man says, "I'm a snail."
With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"
The man answers, "Michelle."
"I'll be Bach"
They don't appreciate strangers coming up to their door.
He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
You see, I just came in my pants.
"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Halloween? Well, here are the best Halloween puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Halloween pick up lines to share with friends.