Following is our collection of funniest Halloween jokes. There are some halloween costume jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these halloween ghouls puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
My lighthouse, my rules.
Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
Pump kin.
"I'll be Bach"
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
You can explore halloween wrappers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean halloween festive dad jokes. There are also halloween puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
For the BOOOOS
Pump Kin
A lady vampire named Mable
Had a period that was awfully stable.
So once a full moon
She took out her spoon
And drank herself under the table.
On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the nude carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"
The man says, "I'm a snail."
With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"
The man answers, "Michelle."
...or a kid. Either way, the wooden stake worked.
Because they like to pumpkin.
I'll see myself out...
"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
Pump-kin.
when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".
Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".
Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
Free delivery.
November thirst.
I'll be Bach.
Pumpkin
Last night, I went to a Halloween party. I showed up dressed as a chicken and met a girl who was dressed as an egg.
One thing led to another and a question of the ages was discovered. IT WAS THE CHICKEN!
Because Oct31 = Dec25
Girls love to do dishes.
I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
DEC 25 == OCT 31
You see, I just came in my pants.
"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
The chicken
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
Pumpkin
He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."
He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
evicted
I won't be leaving the house.
(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)
"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"
I don't know why she was still dressed up as a guy though...
The answer is the chicken.
The host asked me: What are you?
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
Me: Are you calling me a lyre?
Because
Oct 31 = Dec 25
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
You don't have to be dead on Halloween, either.
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(
Because nobody would wear a mask.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
They don't hang themselves.
Happy Early Halloween!
Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.
You'll get Jurasskicked.
But that doesn't seem to scare anyone
To check his website.
This is my son's favorite joke and he wanted me to post it for Halloween.
I asked Which is?
Exactly! he replied.
They're both about candy and being something you're not.
My lighthouse, my rules.
Ribs.
My son wanted me to post this one too!
Happy Halloween!
Alone
At first I was afraid, I was petrified...
Pumpkin
Probably the worst costume I've ever seen.
Because OCT 31 == DEC 25
(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)
Which is
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the halloween hallow jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working halloween one dark halloween night piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.