Hallo Jokes

A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "

Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!

What's a monster's favorite bean? A human bean.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie.

What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.

What is Dracula's favorite fruit? A nectarine.

Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!

I have won first place in this Halloween costume contest 16 years in a row.

This year I am dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll.

[Halloween party]

Me: Nice costume! What are you?
Basic Girl: I am DECEASED!

Halloween was last month?

Feels like it was yesterday

A Halloween joke for you.

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."

This Halloween on the East Coast

I heard a lot of people are going to be the Scorpions this Halloween.
Because we're gonna get rocked like a hurricane.

I know what I'm being for Halloween...

Drunk.

Last Halloween

Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."

A Halloween Limerick

A lady vampire named Mable
Had a period that was awfully stable.
So once a full moon
She took out her spoon
And drank herself under the table.

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

Best Halloween Party Ever

An advertisement for a Halloween party featuring
Zombie Japanese Chefs and street entertainers from the spirit world…
you would be treated to an evening of:
the Woking Dead and Ghost Buskers.

Halloween costume...

Guy 1 at Halloween party: Hey look, Steve's wife dressed up like Wonder Woman.
Guy 2 at Halloween party: Yeah, it makes you wonder if she's a woman.

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

On Halloween I like to go to the store and buy apples and razorblades just to see the look on the clerk's face.

This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around.

I was a dictator.

For Halloween this year, I went as Julian Assange

And stayed home.

My Halloween costume this year:

I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, "I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!"

What does Halloween and Valentine's Day have in common?

A lot of spooky moaning.

I went to a Halloween party where everyone was dressed like a sore thumb

Not me, no, I stuck out like a vicar.

For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter.

I guess she is claw-straw-phobic...

For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern.

She's our little pun-kin.

Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!

For halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.

Girls love to do dishes.

For my next Halloween costume I'll need to physically disappear out of existence...

I'll be the wage gap.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered

The chicken

For Halloween I'm going to dress my dog up as a famous pope.

I was thinking Pope John Paw.

What are you going to be for Halloween?

Working.

Halloween jokes

What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.
Whay do you call wood that's scared?
Petrified.

Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "What a coincidence" I thought.

Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base?

The Headless horseman

Went to a Halloween party dressed as myself...

Nobody knew who I was.

halloween

When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead
of a broom the witch flew of the handle.

This Halloween, I plan to stay in and watch reruns of old cartoons while trying a new dessert recipe

It's called a Boo Meringue

This halloween, I will dress up as my father.

Too bad nobody will get to see my costume

I'm going to the Halloween party at my office today as President Hillary Clinton

I'm not going to show up.

I came up with the best Halloween costume!

A disapointment

For Halloween, I'm dressing up as a

nudist.

I was E.T. for Halloween

I got drunk and I went home.

I can't believe people's Halloween decorations are still up...

Halloween is 364 days away, guys

When Halloween is over

And you see the girl you got head from is still dressed up as a guy.

On Halloween, a werewolf went out dressed as a Klingon, but got lost

He's a Wear-Worf Where-Wolf

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds.

Everyone could tell we were nuts.

Next Halloween I'm going dressed as a prehistoric flying reptile.

It'll be pterofying.

For a Halloween party I dressed up as a piece of bread

couldn't keep the birds away from me ;)

On Halloween I give young kids little boxes of raisins.

I've been accused of statutory grape.

What is God's name?

Hallow....hallowed be thy name....

Last Halloween i dressed up as Julius Caesar, and my friends ditched me

Talk about getting stabbed in the back

As Halloween Approaches, it's Important to Remember the 'Golden Rule' of Being a Ghost:

Boo unto others as you would have them boo unto you.

With Halloween approaching, I tried uploading some exorcist videos to YouTube.

They all got demonetized

Halloween came early this year.

My son's costume cost £325.

Halloween can be tricky and dangerous night for you vampire slayers

so try to stake safe tonight, everyone!

So Halloween is over...

What's Thanksgiving?

Why is halloween candy so similar to anti-vax kids?

Because both dont last very long

On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.

You'll get Jurasskicked.

For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases

But that doesn't seem to scare anyone

This Halloween, I waited all day for my friend to meet me at the play park

What kind of friend says Let's go see Saw and doesn't turn up?

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.