Halfway House Jokes
10 halfway house jokes and hilarious halfway house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about halfway house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Halfway House Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good halfway house joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.
Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
Do you realise what time it is?!? she stammered.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house.
Immediately her attitude changed, and running down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked What did you buy for the house, dear?"
Tom answered A round of drinks!"
3 brothers in their 90s lived in the same house.
While the 92yo and 94yo were playing cards in the dining room, the 96yo calls down, "Guys, the bathtub is full, but I can't remember if I was about to get in, or if I just got out."
The 94yo shakes his head and starts up the stairs to help him out. Halfway up, he calls out, "Hey, guys? Was I going up the stairs or down the stairs?"
The 92yo shakes his head and mutters "I hope my memory never gets that bad, knock on wood," as he knocks on the dining table. Then he calls, "I'll be with you guys in a second. Let me check who's at the door first."
A blond is having money troubles...
Her business is failing, her car has been repoed, and her house is in foreclosure. She sits down at night and prays to God "dear God please let me win the lottery, I will do good things and be ever so faithful." She watches the nightly lottery and no luck she didn't win. For days she continues to pray and plead to win the lottery and every night at the drawing she doesn't win. Finally on the eighth week of praying she hears the voice of god.
"My child, meet me halfway...buy a ticket."
Have you guy's heard about the new tempura house?
It's a halfway house for lightly battered women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dating in the old days
Back when my Grandpa was courtin' (dating) my Grandma in the rural mountains of North Carolina he picked her up for their first date in his horse-drawn buggy. As they were traveling down the bumpy dirt roads his bowels began to rumble and he was struggling to keep from breaking wind. About halfway to his parent's house a storm started to blow in so he decided the next time he saw lightning he would time it and let it rip during the thunder. This worked perfectly and Grandma never knew. Soon he felt the urge again and he waited for the lightning and timed it perfectly. Wanting to make casual conversation he said to Grandma, We had better hurry, that one sounded close . Grandma said Yes, it smells like it struck a s**... .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Work Accident. Two roofers fall from the roof of a house.
Two roofers fall from the roof of a highrise. One ends up dead immediately. The other is more fortunate. Halfway down his eye gets caught on a rusty nail.
(Original German joke about a profession with many variations, esp. for the profession - roofers, masons, carpenters, you choose:
Unfall auf der Baustelle. Zwei Dachdecker stürzen vom Dach eines Hochhauses. Der eine ist sofort tot, der andere hat Glüc**.... Auf halbem Weg bleibt er mit dem Auge an einem rostigen Nagel hängen.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are on a plane
all three of them have weapons. Halfway through the flight an attendant notices the weapons. She tells the men they cant have the weapons on the plane. The first man drops his arrows from the window. The second man drops his gun from the window. The third man drops his bomb.
After the plane lands, the third man is walking along. He notices a little girl crying.
"Little Girl, why are you crying?" He asks
"My dad just got hit by an arrow." she replies.
Sheepishly he runs away. Then he meets a little crying boy.
"Little boy, why are you crying."
"My dad just got shot by god. It just came from the sky."
The man begins to feel bad. Then he sees a little boy laughing.
"Little boy, why are you laughing."
"I just f**... and my house blew up!"
One clear morning, a man wakes up early to go fishing...
... he got out of bed quietly so that he didn't wake his wife, put on his fishing clothes, grabbed his gear, hopped into his truck, and headed out towards the lake.
About halfway to the lake, the weather completely changed. It started to rain very hard, and there was even some thunder and lightning. The man said,
"Gee, this is awful weather to go fishing in. I might as well just go back home."
So the man drove back to house, put away his fishing gear, took off his clothes and crawled back into bed with his wife.
As soon as he entered the bed, his wife said to him, "Can you believe my husband is out fishing in this weather?"
Green side up.....
A newlywed couple is taking a tour of their potential first house with their realtor. The realtor shows them the first bedroom upstairs which is a kids bedroom. The realtor is going over the features when he suddenly walks over to the window, opens it up, and shouts "green side up!". The young couple just kinda look at each other and shrug their shoulders. They move on to the next room which is an office. Again, halfway though his description of the space, the realtor goes over to the window. He opens it and shouts, "green side up!". The couple again shrug their shoulders and they move on to the master bedroom. The realtor begins to describe the room and once again, opens the window and yells, "green side up!". This time the husband asks the realtor, "Why is it that every time we tour a new room you open the window and yell green side up?". The realtor replies, "Sorry about that, I have a crew of blonde women laying sod".
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.
Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Dont get excited. Im late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"
His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
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