Half Wit Jokes
13 half wit jokes and hilarious half wit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about half wit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Half Wit Short Jokes
Short half wit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The half wit humour may include short half pint jokes also.
- When you and your momma had an argument, it was a battle of the wits. Nit versus Dim. Then your dad joined, and it was Nit versus Dim verses Half.
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Half Wit One Liners
Which half wit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with half wit? I can suggest the ones about half and better half.
- Why is Tirion Lannister called half-man? Because the other half is wit
- A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
Half Wit Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about half wit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean half asian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make half wit pranks.
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
A man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During the USA - Belgium game, a couple of dudes ran onto the field.
I imagined the English commentator would have said this:
"It appears a wit has run onto the pitch."
"A wit, sir?"
"Yes. Two half-wits."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova
He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious s**... appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....
Arrogance
Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.
This infuriated the defence counsel. Your Honor, I don't see how my client can get a fair trial here, he said angrily. Turning to the professor, he demanded, I want your answer, and remember that you are under oath. Do you, or do you not, know more than half the member of this jury?
The physicist smiled. Under oath, I can easily swear that I know more than all of them put together.
The Half-Wit
A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer...
p**... McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked p**....
"Well," said p**..., "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Butcher's Daughter
A butcher lives in a tiny apartment above his tinier shop. He is awakened in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from downstairs. He tiptoes down the staircase and peers into his shop to discover his daughter m**... with a large liverwurst on his butcher's block.
The butcher is mortified, but heads back upstairs to bed, trying to erase what he just witnessed from his mind.
In the morning a woman enters the store and starts picking out meats.
"...and finally, I'll need about a half a pound of liverwurst".
"Er...we're actually out of that..."
The woman looks perplexed, and points with her thumb to the liverwurst displayed inches away from her.
"So what's that then?"
"That...that is my son-in-law."