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Half Pint Jokes

27 half pint jokes and hilarious half pint puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about half pint that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Half Pint Short Jokes

Short half pint jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The half pint humour may include short half wit jokes also.

  1. An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar The first orders a pint. The second orders a half, the third a quarter and so on. The bartender pours 2 pints and says, Figure it out yourselves.
  2. Would you rather have parkinsons or alzheimers? Personally I'd rather have parkinsons, cos I'd rather have half a pint than forget where I've put it!

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Half Pint One Liners

Which half pint one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with half pint? I can suggest the ones about half and pints.

  1. What do Roy Moore and craft beer have common? They both come in half-pints...

Half Pint Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about half pint you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pint glass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make half pint pranks.

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar

The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."

So, an infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!

Mathematicians in a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."

An infitite number of mathmeticians walk into a bar...

The first asks for a pint of beer. The second, half a pint, the third an quarter and so on. The barman pours 2 pints of beer and says "know your limits".

The mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician orders a pint of beer. The second mathematician orders a half. The third, a quarter pint. There is an infinite line up of Mathematicians.
The bartender fills up two pints and slides it over to the Mathematicians.

An infinite number of mathematics walk into a bar...

The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one asks for a pint. The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter pint. and so on.
The bartender stops them and pours 2 pints and says "Know your limits"

Another Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders a half a beer. The third? A fourth of a beer.
The bartender pours two pints, places them on the bar in front of them and says, "You all really need to know your limits."

Two elderly men in a bar...

...one pipes up and asks his mate
"as we get older would you prefer Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
Second man replies "Parkinsons, it will be bad enough spilling half my pint, never mind forgetting where I left it!"

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first orders 1 pint, the second orders a half pint, the third a 1/4 pint, and so on. This goes on for awhile until the bartender finally stops them, hands them 2 pints, and says "you mathematicians just don't know your limits"

This old man was reminiscing about the good old days...

When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs.
You can't do that now.
Too many f**...' security cameras.

A lot of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first one says "I'll have a pint."
The second says "I'll have half a pint."
Bartender replies "We don't serve half pints."
All the remaining mathematicians moan "Way to ruin the joke!"

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders a pint.
The second orders a half pint.
The third orders a quarter pint.
The bartender sees where this is going, he pours them all two pints of beer and says, "you guys are d**...".

Math Joke #2

A group of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint, the next asks for half a pint, then the next a quarter of a pint and the next an eight of a pint.
Eventually the barmen hands over 2 pints and says, "You mathematicians do not know your limits."
Cr

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one to enter asked for a pint of whatever's on tap.
The second, third, fourth, and so on all the way to the infinite subsequent patron to enter said "I'll have half of what he's having", pointing to the person who came before him.
The bar tender responded "you're all idiots!" and poured two pints.

A mathematician walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for a pint. Then another mathematician walks into the bar, and asks for half a pint. Suddenly, an infinite number of mathematicians walk into the bar, asking for a quarter pint, an eighth, and so on, each asking for half of what the last mathematician ordered...
The bartender knows what's up. He says, "Oh, you mathematicians!" and pours two pints total for everyone.

A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "I understand," and pours two pints.

An infinite number of professors walk into a bar...

the first walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a pint of lager." Before the bartender can start pouring the second says, "I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender is about to pour when the third pipes up, "The same but half again!" Once again the bartender is about to serve when the fourth says, "Yeah a lager, but half of that!" The bartender, once more is about to pour when the fifth interrupts. He's about to order when one of the professors in the back shouts, "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE JUST POUR TWO BEERS!"

I finally came up with a good punchline for the "An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar" joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a third of a pint, and the fourth one is about to order when the bartender waves him off and pours two full pints. Whoa whoa, hold on, says the mathematician, How do you know we're all here? The bartender replies, Well, when I saw that guy wearing the brace on his right side I figured you were all set.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But,he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was u**..., he noticed blood,so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.
"Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night,anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."