Half Life Jokes
113 half life jokes and hilarious half life puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about half life that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Half Life Short Jokes
Short half life jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The half life humour may include short half jokes also.
- How is Valve like Uranium-238? By the time they get to the third Half Life 13.5 Billion years will have passed.
- When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I've finally achieved half of the goal. I turned 40.
- I think my father is doing a Half-life 3 cosplay. Because I haven't seen him in over 10 years now.
- My dad was such a proud union member his whole life … When I was a kid, he began every story with Once upon a time-and-a-half …
- I was doing a lab on nuclear decay and at first it worked like expected, but when 3/4 of the material had decayed it suddenly stopped It seems like there will never be a half life 3
- In Half-Life 2, European cities were renamed with numbers - e.g. most events are in City 17; there is also City 69, formerly known as Nice.
- You never know when half of your life will pass So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday
- What did Thanos use to clean up the mess he made by disintegrating half of all life? The vacuum of space.
- There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate.
-plauge inc - Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3? He was blowing off Steam
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Half Life One Liners
Which half life one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with half life? I can suggest the ones about lifetime and life expectancy.
- What is Thanos' favourite game? Half-Life.
- Q. What's an Anti-Vaxxer's favorite video game? A. Half Life
- In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up Half to life.
- Why was the Valve developer crying? He was having a Half-Life crisis.
- Why was the 24,100 year old plutonium upset? It was having a half-life crisis.
- Optimist: Someone who is still waiting for Half-Life 3
- What is Marie Curie's favorite movie? It's A Wonderful Half-Life
- Too bad about Morgan Freeman Loved him in Half Life
- First game using solely IPv6 for multiplayer Half-Life 3
- What did Gordon Freeman experience when he turned 40? A Half Life crisis.
- Half-life 3 has finally been announced at E3!! :(
- Half-Life 3 is finally out ...of the question getting released in 2016.
- What's an atoms favorite video game? Half life
- Gold-198 Is the closest thing to Half-life 3.
- If you say "half life 3" in front of a mirror 3 times. Absolutely nothing will happen.
Half Life 3 Confirmed Jokes
Here is a list of funny half life 3 confirmed jokes and even better half life 3 confirmed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 2+2=4 minus 1 thats 3 Half life 3 confirmed.....
- Half life 3 confirmed!!!!!!!!!!iiiiiiiii! Durr
- Valve Half-life 3 confirmed
- HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!!!!! lol
- Gabe Newell! Gabe Newell lived from 1962 until Half-Life 3, confirmed!
- 3 middle aged men walk into a notary office. Half life 3 confirmed.
Happy Half Life Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about half life you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean half wit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make half life pranks.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years.
While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed.
He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck.
Then he gets up and leaves the room.
Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have s**... with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you."
As soon as the half n**... woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head s**.
.. and is bisexual.
She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent.
His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house.
"This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room ... "
"And what are this hammer and this p**... that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?" one of his colleagues asked.
"This is a talking clock."
"I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?"
"Sure. Look," the student said.
He took the hammer and struck at the p**... with all his strength. Then a voice was heard from the other side,
"What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!"
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
An old football player was dying.
So he called her wife and told her: "My dearest you see I'm dying. May you confess how many times you have done betrays against me during your life?"
Her spouse said: "Forgive me, my dear, only 3 times:
1. Do you remember it was so difficult to admit you as a football player in the team? So I went to the couch and did something. That was the cause for you to be a player in the team.
2. Do you remember when you entered the team no body didn't pass you? I went to 10 others players so they changed a friendly treatment during half times.
3. Do you remember during matching nobody of 30000 viewers didn't encourage you? I did something..."
The problem with being in the center of attention is that half of it is always behind your back.
When decorating your tween daughter's room, don't forget to leave ample space for half the glasses in your kitchen.
Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remembering a great icon.
Dear friends,
It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join
me in remembering a great icon.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Cap'n Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as long- time
friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man
who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show
business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he -- even
still, as a crusty old man -- was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no
tart.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough
and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The f**... was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
A man is sitting in a bar just looking at his drink for half an hour
Then this really big truck driver looking guy steps next to him and takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life you show up and drink my poison."
Really bad day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father Knows Best!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
PTA Meeting
Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny and downs half. He then proceeds to say, "There's your beer tax Daddy!"'
The second father laughs. 'Yeah, that sounds like when I taught my Daughters Rose and Violet about Unions. They've been on strike ever since, refusing to do dishes and laundry until they get better pay and more candy!' He chuckles again, retreating into his mug of Coffee.
He looks up again and asks the third man what he's done around the home to help his Daughter. He replied, 'Well, I'm starting to regret teaching Mercedes about Prostitution.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**..., an alcoholic, and a gay guy go see a psychiatrist...
The s**... says, "This filthy habit is ruining my life. My wife hates it, my kids hate it, my grandpa died from it, I just want to quit!"
The alcoholic says,"Alcohol has ruined every relationship I have ever had, I can't even hold down a job, I need to get off the bottle."
The gay guy says, "Ever since I came out, I have lost so many friends, even my family treats me differently. I just want things to back the way they were."
The psychiatrist hands each of them a pill telling them that it is an instant cure, they each gobble them down without thinking twice.
The psychiatrist then says, "The only thing is, if you ever has a smoke again, or if you have another drink again, or if you have any s**... contact with another man again, you will drop dead."
Afterwards, the three of them went to a restaurant, chilled by what the psychiatrist had just told them.
"I can't take this anymore, I need a drink!" The alcoholic goes up to the bar and slams down a shot. Drops dead.
The s**... and the gay guy look at each other in shock. The s**... says, "Oh God this is real, I need some fresh air." They go outside and on the table there is an ashtray which has half of a cigarette, still smoldering. The gay guy looks at the s**... and says, "If you bend over to pick up that cigarette, we're both dead.
A Bad Day (Clean)
A man is sitting in a bar staring at his drink.
After staring at it for half an hour without taking a sip, one of the bar regulars decides to have some fun with him.
He picks up the man's drink and knocks it back in one. The man starts crying.
"Don't take it like that," says the regular. "It was a joke. I'll buy you another one."
"It's not just that," replies the man. "This day has been the worst one of my life. First, I oversleep and get into work late. My boss fires me and, when I leave the building, I find my car had been stolen. I get a cab home but leave my briefcase on the back seat with my wallet in it. Then, when I get home, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. After all that I come to this bar and then, when I've just made up my mind to end it all, you show up and drink my poison"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
And you thought you were having a bad day . . .
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He didn't move for a half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink the poison."
The Wasp
There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.
What did Valve say when Half Life 3 came out?
April Fools!
Joke
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
A guy at a bar is just looking at his drink... (Long)
...He stays like that for about half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes his drink, and drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another one.' The man says, 'No, its not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep and got late to work. My boss is outraged and fires me. When I leave to go to my car, I found it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.'
Will the Christmas Genie solve all your problems?
A man is sitting in his living room. His wife is sound asleep in the bedroom and he is contemplating his life after yet another argument that has left him on the couch.
The Christmas genie appears before him and offers him three wishes with the caveat that whatever he wishes for will go double for his wife. The man thinks for a moment and wishes for a million dollars...
Proof! $1,000,000 appears before him and $2,000,000 appears next to his wife.
For his next wish the man asks for a new Mercedes. Instantly a new Mercedes appears in front of his home, but two then appear for his wife in the driveway.
It's now down to his last wish...... The man thinks for several minutes and stares intently into the genie's eyes and says: "I wish for you to beat me *half* to death. "
Half-Life 3
is getting made.
Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out?
Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.
Life Hack
If you're ever hungry in trig class, chew on the corner of your paper. It's equivelant to half a pi.
Half Life 3 has officially been released!
Half life 3 is revealed
Scientists have discovered that radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years take a long time to travel through valves
What's Your Poison?
There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.'
'No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss is outraged and fires me.
When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.'
'I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.'
Valve time slower than thought
Researchers have calculated that it takes longer than expected for radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years to pass through valves. Reason unknown.
Half-Life 11 Confirmed
It'll be available 10 days from now on Friday.
Half-Life 3's release date.
Did you hear the news about half-life 3
Me neither
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women meet over a coffee.
"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"
My psychiatrist asked me how I became so patient.
I told him I was waiting on Half Life 3 to come out.
Half Life 3 was going to be released several years ago...
...But the voice actor for Gordon Freeman was supposed to announce it, and no-one can find him.
What do you call a radioactive isotope that loves to socialize?
The half life of the party
Getting Dad-zoned
Seeing a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar, a man walks up to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn't even born."
What is the best game to play with a child dying of radiation poisoning? A. Half Life 2 B. Go Fission C. Backgamma D. Sorry
E. All of the above
Half Life 3
Won't happen
What do atomic bombs and Half-Life have in common?
Should'a dropped a third.
Life is like a box of chocolates
It's too expensive and you ownly end up liking half of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old, drunk friends are in a bar reminiscing about their love life...
Pete: "John when I was 20, and ready to make love, mine was as hard as an iron rod, it was impossible to bend it."
John replies: "Yeah, me too. It was impossible to bend, but when I turned 30 I could bend it a little bit."
Pete: "True, when I turned 40 I could bend it more than a little bit"
John:"Yeah...same here... in my fifties I could actually bend it quite a lot."
Pete:"Me too, but in my sixties I could almost bend it in half."
"same with me" John replies and takes a sip of his beer "..... Pete... how strong do you think we are going to get?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... and an egg?
Half-life 2
What was left inside the Pandora's Box after she released all the evils that visit humanity and then closed it?
Half-Life 3.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just read that a local serial killer has been handed 20 consecutive life sentences totalling 500 years in prison.
What a joke, in today's justice system he'll probably only do half of that.
A plane has a horrible accident...
...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.
The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"
Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"
Everyone claps.
Thinking of buying a gaming laptop for Half Life 3
I should have enough saved up in 10 years.
Why are tornadoes always named after women?
Because when the tornadoes arrive they are warm and moist but when they leave, you only have half a house, no car, and your entire life lies in ruins.
I was playing video games with my friend for 72 hours straight...
Not only did I die, but my friend doesn't Half-Life 2
More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.
When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.
What did the bank say to the government
Bank: Hey government. I need money to pay my workers or we're gonna go out of business.
Government: Hey bank. Sure. I remember you from Harvard, how are you doing?
Bank: Doing great, actually! I remember you too. Frat bros for life. Thanks for the cash.
Government: Frat bros for life! Hey, no problem. Wasn't mine to begin with, right? Enjoy it.
Bank: Will do. Already bought back half my stocks!
Government: Nice! What about your workers?
Bank: Haha, let 'em starve. No frat, no stack.
Government: Haha! Class act, Bank, you ol' rascal! This was fun. Same time next economic crisis?
Bank: You know it, bro. Thanks. Here's some reelection money
