Hairy Jokes
119 hairy jokes and hilarious hairy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hairy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is the best collection of hairy jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From the classic dad joke to the more obscure, these jokes are sure to make you laugh.
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Funniest Hairy Short Jokes
Short hairy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hairy humour may include short haired jokes also.
- Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle. Coconut.
- I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller... Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...
- I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night! Or a really hairy homeless guy.
Either way, the silver bullet worked! - What's the difference between a coyote and a flea? One howls on the prairie; the other prowls on the hairy.
- What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement? A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.
- Daniel Radcliffe would make a good Wolverine Wolverine's short and hairy; Daniel is short and Harry.
- Boy arrives home from school and wails: Mum, everyone says I'm too hairy. Mum yells to her husband: Honey, the dog is talking!!
- A guy and his wife go to a party, one of the guests asks why his wife is so hairy? The guy responds that's just hirsute.
- I hate having to brush my teeth in the morning. I must be the only person in the world with hairy teeth.
- I like my girls like Han from Star Wars with a hairy Wookie.
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Hairy One Liners
Which hairy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hairy? I can suggest the ones about furry and shaved hair.
- Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a kiwi!
- What's big and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas at night. Your head
- What has four hairy legs and sleeps with my sister? My father and I
- If a bearded man makes vases... Is he a hairy potter?
- Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection
- What do you call a ceramic artist in need of a shave? Hairy Potter.
- What do you call a bearded gardener? Hairy Potter
- What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.
- What would Chewbacca be called if he worked with porcelain? Hairy Potter
- If my 33 year old body was a 90's Rom-Com... ...it would be "When Hairy Met Saggy".
- What's long and hard, and hairy at one end? A toothbrush.
- My wife loves a hairy chest... But I personally think she looks better without it.
- What did Hagrid say to Harry after he was bitten by Lupin? Yer a hairy wizard
- What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs? His horse Marengo
- What is green and hairy and goes up and down? A gooseberry in a lift.
Hairy Arms Jokes
Here is a list of funny hairy arms jokes and even better hairy arms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once dated a twin, and everyone always asked me how I told them apart But it was super easy. One of them had a long beard, huge arms, and a super hairy chest. And the other was a man
- What's white, round, hairy, and can go up and down? My arm.
Hairy Back Jokes
Here is a list of funny hairy back jokes and even better hairy back puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last night I slept like a baby I had a hairy old man patting me on the back going "ssshhhh, everything's going to be OK."
- What is black and hairy and runs around the back yard screaming? A baby covered in Tarantulas
Hairy People Jokes
Here is a list of funny hairy people jokes and even better hairy people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I always hear people comparing my dad to Bigfoot... He's 7 ft tall, hairy, has huge feet, and I haven't seen him once
Hairy Men Jokes
Here is a list of funny hairy men jokes and even better hairy men puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the middle and middle earth have in common They both have short hairy men that like to carry swords
Hairy Leg Jokes
Here is a list of funny hairy leg jokes and even better hairy leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats brown and hairy and is between a policemens legs? a police dog
Happy Hairy Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about hairy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bald jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hairy pranks.
My wife said it's either her or the dog.
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So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ballerina
This n**..., sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender pours the drink and the woman c**... it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"
After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"
The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Searching for Sasquatch
Two men are on a hunt through the forest looking for Sasquatch.
After days and days of searching and not even finding a footprint, they happen to run into an old native man.
They ask the man "Have you by any chance seen a Sasquatch around here?"
Confused, he replies "Sasquatch?"
They answer him "Sasquatch..you know; big, hairy, smells bad.."
"Oh!" he replies. "You mean squawsnatch!"
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?
One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...
Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad's favorite joke.
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Russians have so many bear fighting stories?
Because their liquor is strong and their women are hairy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man comes into jail the first time in life...
On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."
The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.
"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."
Daddy, why am I so hairy?
Hooney... The dog is talking to me!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a small hairy man of folk legend who's selfish during an o**...?
A k**...-hoggin' hobgoblin!
What's green and hairy and skies down a mountain
a skiwi
What's the best thing to have in a hairy situation?
A razor.
A recent report shows that
Gangs are now using dogs instead of knives, I tried this.
My toast was very hairy
Whats large, hairy and full of rage?
My wife when she forgets her morning coffee!
What's big, huge and hairy?
A Goliath bird eating tarantula.
A boy is in the shower with his mum.
The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!
What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird?
One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
^^^^^Credit ^^^^^to ^^^^^my ^^^^^wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened when the student s**... his beard in ceramics class?
Hairy pottery
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Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.
The taste of her hairy lap stick.
What do you call a Sasquatch in mud?
Dirty Hairy
Did you hear the one about my hairy, cannibalistic uncle?
He was an aunt-eater.
A boy with a wooden eye asked a girl with a hairy lip to the prom...
Seeing how nobody else would likely go with them, the boy with the wooden eye asks the girl with the hairy lip, "Would you like to go to Prom with me?".
The girl with the hairy lip, surprised and excited says, "Would I!?".
"HAIRY LIP", replied the boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking past the f**... directors.
I was walking past the f**... directors the other day, and I looked in, and was shocked to see a large, hairy elephant in a black suit showing a family a head stone.
I thought to myself "That's a mammoth undertaking."
Why was the 2 piece bikini invented?
To separate the HAIRY part from the DAIRY part!
A new wizard with Alopecia started at Hogwarts....
Hagrid: "You're not a hairy wizard!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Eat your vegetables....
... it puts hairs on your chest, look, I'm as hairy as a gorilla."
"Stop it mom, that's g**...."
A new barbershop just opened called Hairy Styles.
They only do comb-overs in One Direction.
Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry.
Harry: You're a hairy wizard.
Just spent ages waxing the car
..Still not sure how it gets that hairy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama so hairy
She accidentally guest starred on Finding Bigfoot
If I ever get a Chia Pet
I'm naming it Hairy Pottery.
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
The person who invented the Lint-Roller
Really helped to get me out of some hairy situations.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a hairy puzzle?
Pubik's Cube.
Rupert informed his wife
that he had been banned from calling numbers for Housie at church. "A meal for two with a hairy view" was NOT the way to call 69, he was told.
Was doing an image search for Gary Oldman
Accidentally forgot the R. Results were hairy.
What's brown and hairy?
Hair.
My feet are really hairy.
Every once in I while I go comatose.
What do you call a cow with a hairy lip?
Moooostached
I can't wait for this weekend's big Sci-Fi Rom-Com movie opening...
Star Wars: When Hairy Met Solo
My girlfriend is so hairy
She uses head & shoulders for her head & shoulders.
My beard is at its optimal length.
If it gets any longer things get a bit hairy.
What did Beethoven say to his hairy piano playing dog, Lise?
"Come here, furry Lise."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. My name begins with c , ends in t , and there's a u and n in between them. What am i?
A coconut.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama's so hairy, when she goes camping
Bigfoot tries taking pictures of her
Not being an alcoholic puts Kavanaugh in a hairy situation.
Apparently he loves bears.
What do you call a Sasquatch who loves working with clay?
A hairy potter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama so hairy
She got afro t**...😂🤣😂🤣
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Yo mama b**... so hairy
Don King busted out and said ONLY IN AMERICA
Every family reunion we would see our uncle who we called caveman we called him that because he was big and hairy and every now and then he would eat one of us
Then we found out he was a bear
Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?
It's a Hairy Potter.
I was held hostage at a barber shop once.
It was a hairy situation.
what do you call a golfing ape
hairy putter
What do you call a big hairy gay man that's really into fitness?
Yogi Bear
What do you call a snake pit in an Egyptian barber shop?
A hairy asp hole.
What big, brown, hairy, and has a white liquid inside?
Coconuts
What is the difference between a chimpanzee with a baby, Prince Charles, and a person with alopecia?
One is a hairy parent, one is an heir apparent, and the other has no hair apparent.
Me and my friends went to the Barbershop after a long quarantine, We sat their and the head barbarian said ,
Buckle up boys!! it's gonna be hairy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a big hairy gay guy who's got mood swings?
A bipolar bear
