The Best 57 Hairy Jokes

This is the best collection of hairy jokes that will have you laughing out loud. From the classic dad joke to the more obscure, these jokes are sure to make you laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Hairy Jokes and Puns

I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...

Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way you say 69.

Boy arrives home from school and wails: Mum, everyone says I'm too hairy.

Mum yells to her husband: Honey, the dog is talking!!

The Ballerina

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Searching for Sasquatch

Two men are on a hunt through the forest looking for Sasquatch.

After days and days of searching and not even finding a footprint, they happen to run into an old native man.

They ask the man "Have you by any chance seen a Sasquatch around here?"

Confused, he replies "Sasquatch?"

They answer him "Sasquatch..you know; big, hairy, smells bad.."

"Oh!" he replies. "You mean squawsnatch!"

jokes about hairy

Three women and ducks

Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."


What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?

One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.

A Foot And A Half

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.

Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!

Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!

Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.

This is a job for Mama.

Hairy joke, A Foot And A Half

An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...

Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.

"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"

He doesn't respond.

"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"

He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."

Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"

OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)

My dad's favorite joke.

A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's gross, you should see him make donuts."

A man comes into jail the first time in life...

On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."

The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.

"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."

You can explore hairy hairy legs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hairy hairy armpits dad jokes. There are also hairy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a small hairy man of folk legend who's selfish during an orgy?

A knob-hoggin' hobgoblin!

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie; the other prowls on the hairy.

What has four hairy legs and sleeps with my sister?

My father and I

What do you call a bearded gardener?

Hairy Potter

What starts with C, ends with T, has U and N in the middle, is really hairy, and has lots of tasty liquid inside? ;)

A coconut.

Hairy joke, What starts with C, ends with T, has U and N in the middle, is really hairy, and has lots of tasty l

I like my girls like Han from Star Wars

with a hairy Wookie.

I hate having to brush my teeth in the morning.

I must be the only person in the world with hairy teeth.

What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

A coconut!


What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs?

His horse Marengo

A boy is in the shower with his mum.

The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!

Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie.

One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

A boy with a wooden eye asked a girl with a hairy lip to the prom...

Seeing how nobody else would likely go with them, the boy with the wooden eye asks the girl with the hairy lip, "Would you like to go to Prom with me?".

The girl with the hairy lip, surprised and excited says, "Would I!?".

"HAIRY LIP", replied the boy.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

What would Chewbacca be called if he worked with porcelain?

Hairy Potter

Hairy joke, What would Chewbacca be called if he worked with porcelain?

Yo momma armpits are so hairy

It looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

A little boy was in the bath with his mom.

The boy said "What's that hairy thing, mommy?", She replied, "That is my sponge honey". "Ohhh," said the boy, "The babysitter has one too. I saw dad washing his face with it!"

Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle.

Coconut.


Why was two piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the hairy from the dairy.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?

Mom replies, That is my sponge.

Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

What do you call a hairy puzzle?

Pubik's Cube.

Yo mama so hairy

She gotta comb her wrist to see what time it is

What is green and hairy and goes up and down?

A gooseberry in a lift.


Was doing an image search for Gary Oldman

Accidentally forgot the R. Results were hairy.

My beard is at its optimal length.

If it gets any longer things get a bit hairy.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

I'm hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. My name begins with c , ends in t , and there's a u and n in between them. What am i?

A coconut.

How do you insult a Russian?

Yo motherland so hairy, she put the bush in babushka.

You guys see that new hairy guy who started last week?? Moving slow, bad temper, and you can't understand a word he's saying..

C'mon guys, take it easy on him.. He'll get it soon enough, he's still just a Wookie..

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

A man goes to the doctor....

He says, "I don't know what's happening: I've grown a hairy chest, sideburns and I'm started talking in a Welsh accent.

"Ah", said the doctor, "I think you have Tom Jones sydrome".

"I've never heard of that", says the man, "is it very common?"

The doctor says, "It's not unusual."

A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..

She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."

This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "

The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."

What is about 6 inches long, hard, hairy at the base and is pushed into a moist opening where it is quickly moved back and forth?

A toothbrush

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night!

Or a really hairy homeless guy.

Either way, the silver bullet worked!

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy....

Either way, the silver bullets work.

What's long and hard, and hairy at one end?

A toothbrush.

My girlfriend's ass is like a peach.

It's hairy and makes a horrible yogurt.



\- Gary Delaney

A guy and his wife go to a party, one of the guests asks why his wife is so hairy?

The guy responds that's just hirsute.

If big hairy, grizzly gay guys are bears...

Does that mean we can call big grizzly gay girls Klondikes?

What's big and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas at night.

Your head

What did Hagrid say to Harry after he was bitten by Lupin?

Yer a hairy wizard

Why do bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection

If my 33 year old body was a 90's Rom-Com...

...it would be "When Hairy Met Saggy".

My wife loves a hairy chest...

But I personally think she looks better without it.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the hairy hairy pussy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working hairy hairy men piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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