Haired Jokes
40 haired jokes and hilarious haired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Haired Short Jokes
Short haired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haired humour may include short hairy jokes also.
- So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
- I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair" - My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me. - Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke) Darth Braider
(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol) - My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
- Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair.
- My girlfriend lost all her hair during chemotherapy and she was crying for hours. I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
- What shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)
- What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common? What do paedophiles and tortoise have in common?
They both want to get there before the hair - Sometimes i just sit & run my fingers thru my wife's hair. It's a nice way to tell her i love her.
And also that we're outta napkins.
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Haired One Liners
Which haired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haired? I can suggest the ones about shaved hair and straight hair.
- All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.
- Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.
- What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence
* - My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!
- How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
- Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
- I have a huge phobia of hair. I dreadlocks.
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What is Pavlov's favorite hair product? Conditioner
- What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man
- How to get gum out of a child's hair? With leukemia.
- I wish I had emo hair So it would cut itself.
- The day I found my first gray hairs... I thought I'd dye!
- Why did the midget get slapped? Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
- What's the opposite of a Baldwin? Hair loss.
Cheeky Haired Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about haired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair piece jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haired pranks.
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde is sitting next to a brunette on a plane. She turns to the dark haired woman and asks, "Where are you from?"
The brunette haughtily replies, "I'm from a place where we know better than to end a sentence with a preposition."
The blonde pauses for a second and then asks, "Where are you from, b**...?"
3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".
The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three moms are talking and having lunch together...
One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A c**...! I've never even had s**... before."
So yesterday I wore a costume....
I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....
I was a transparent transparent.
A king, a clown and a little red haired girl walk into an Italian restaurant.
Last thing they want is food poisoning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the blonde haired, blue eyed soldier become when he left the army?
A veteran a**....
What did the orange haired man say to the crowd?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl
What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl
It takes a plastic bag thousands of years to break down but blue haired girls can breakdown in a second.
A man approached Captain Von Trap and said, "No offense, but is that short haired blonde single?"
"Nun taken."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a long haired s**... that does the things he tells others not to do?
A hippie-crite!
What did the blonde haired say when they were being too harsh?
Next time I'll smarten up enough to dye my hair and act gentel!!!! 😫😰😨😭😱
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on OkCupid and a girl said "Blonde haired immigrant here to steal your jobs."
I was like hahaha jokes on you. I don't have a job...
Dang it.
I was on the Moon, running out of air
So I opened my packet of lays.
And yeah, the view from here is good. I can see Dave too. Who is the orange haired guy he is talking to?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a blonde haired, blue eyed soldier what he wanted to do after the military...
He said he just wants to get back home.
He wants to be a veteran a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a white haired mammal from the North pole who immigrates to the South pole in search of s**... enlightenment?
A bi-polar bear.
I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country.
Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car c**....
When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd step and also fell off. Finally, the blond head reached the 100th and then suddenly bursted into laughter.
God asked, Why did you laugh? You almost made it!
To which the blond replied, I just got the first one.
Pinwheel Smith
A woman arrives at the Pearly and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" She answers, "Smith." Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She responds, "His name is John Smith." Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She answers, "He's got red hair." He replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!" Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says "please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbour asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh
............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes were stuck on an island
Three blonde women are stuck on an island. Together, they find a genie lamp and give it a rub. Sure enough, out comes the genie, who offers each of them one wish.
The first blonde woman says, "I wish I was smarter." The genie turns her into a brunette, and she swims off the island.
The next blonde woman thinks for a minute and tells the genie, "I wish you made me even smarter than you made her." The genie turns her into a black haired woman, and she builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde woman says, "I wish you made me smarter than both of them!" The genie then turns her into a man, and she takes the bridge off of the island.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The n**... cowboy
**n**... Cowboy**
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her p**... and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of s**... and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '
'And here I am.'
A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates...
...and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
She answers, "Smith."
Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "His name is John Smith."
Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She answers, "He's got red hair."
He replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"
Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women on death row
Three women, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde are on death row for unspeakable crimes. Instead of the electric chair, they are to be shot by a squad of soldiers. The red haired girl is first, but she has an idea. The commander starts the count down: 3...2..1... The girl yells: "Earthquake!" Everyone is startled and confused and she escapes. Up next is the brunette. She catches on the idea as well. The countdown starts again: 3..2...1... She yells: "tornado!!" Like the girl before her, she also escapes during the confusion. Finally it's the blonde's turn. She too has figured out the trick. Again the countdown starts: 3..2...1..
She yells: "Fire!!"
