Haired Jokes

80 haired jokes and hilarious haired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Haired Short Jokes

Short haired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haired humour may include short hairy jokes also.

  1. So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
  2. Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
  3. I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
    So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"
  4. My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
    But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
  5. Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
  6. Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke) Darth Braider

    (I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)
  7. My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
  8. I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
  9. Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
  10. Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair.

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Haired One Liners

Which haired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haired? I can suggest the ones about shaved hair and straight hair.

  1. All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.
  2. Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.
  3. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence
  4. My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!
  5. How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
  6. How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  7. Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
  8. I have a huge phobia of hair. I dreadlocks.
  9. Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
  10. What is Pavlov's favorite hair product? Conditioner
  11. What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man
  12. How to get gum out of a child's hair? With leukemia.
  13. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black? Artificial intelligence.
  14. Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it
  15. I wish I had emo hair So it would cut itself.

Blonde Haired Jokes

Here is a list of funny blonde haired jokes and even better blonde haired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed... ...because they couldn't read them.
  • What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
  • What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.
  • What is a blonde with dyed brown hair? Artificial intelligence.
  • If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you... Gingerly
  • Another blonde joke... SFW What do you call a blonde who dies her hair black?
    Artificial intelligence..
  • I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
  • What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
  • Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
  • What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet? Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest

Blond Haired Jokes

Here is a list of funny blond haired jokes and even better blond haired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye
  • What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red? Artificial intelligence.
  • Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
  • I bleached my hair on my 18th birthday. "I guess now you're legally blonde," my dad chuckled.
  • Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a child with blonde hair and blue eyes? I guess two Wongs really do make a white.
  • why did the blonde use her hair dryer on the laptop? It was frozen
  • FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES: A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to's for dry hair and I just wet mine."
  • What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope
  • What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
  • Blonde Jokes What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
    artificial intelligence
    What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair red?
    Selling her soul for intelligence
Haired joke, Blonde Jokes

Long Haired Jokes

Here is a list of funny long haired jokes and even better long haired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You know what I dread? The long hair of Jamaicans
  • I understand now why women have long hair If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.
  • How can you tell Odin's sons apart? Thor has long, golden, amazing hair.
    His brother is Balder.
  • The NHS has just revealed a list of long-term side effects of vaccines! - Old age
    - Grey hair
    - General decrease of diseases
  • Ugh... My hair has never been this long before, and all the salons are closed due to the pandemic. I wish I had emo hair... it would cut itself.
  • I don't like having long hair... ...but it's kind of growing on me
  • My hair is so long, it started growing it's own hair. Don't take that too seriously, it's metafollicle.
  • Why did Princess Leia take so long to find her hair brush? She kept looking for it in Alderaan places.
  • My hairs been getting long lately, my family keeps telling me to cut it, but I dont know... Its kinda been growing on me
  • I should cut my long lockdown hair, but I just can't It's really been growing on me

Red Haired Jokes

Here is a list of funny red haired jokes and even better red haired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
  • If a guy with Red Hair works at a Bakery, does that make him a GingerBread Man? I ask this because I'm baked at the moment..
  • What do you call a baker with red hair? A gingerbread man.
  • What is it called when a person with red hair and freckles gets angry for no reason? Ginger-snap!
  • If someone changes their hair color to or from red, Does that make them transginger?
  • Why'd the red neck decide not get his hair cut? Because he had to mull it over.
  • What do you call someone who dyes thier hair red? Trans-ginger.
  • The CW's Batwoman wore a red wig as a part of her costume, but that was just a misdirect... A red "hairring", if you will
  • A king, a clown and a little red haired girl walk into an Italian restaurant. Last thing they want is food poisoning.
  • What do you call someone who dyes their hair red? Transgingered
Haired joke, What do you call someone who dyes their hair red?

Cheeky Haired Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about haired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair piece jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haired pranks.

A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...

told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'

Guy comes home from work, finds his blonde haired wife sitting at the kitchen table.

Shes looking at the table, and concentrating super hard. She is visibly frustrated.
Husband asks "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "I've been working on this puzzle all day. Its supposed to be a tiger, I can't get any of these puzzle pieces to match."
Husband sighs, "Honey... Please put the frosted flakes back in the box."

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.

A blonde is sitting next to a brunette on a plane. She turns to the dark haired woman and asks, "Where are you from?"

The brunette haughtily replies, "I'm from a place where we know better than to end a sentence with a preposition."
The blonde pauses for a second and then asks, "Where are you from, b**...?"

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

Three moms are talking and having lunch together...

One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A c**...! I've never even had s**... before."

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....
I was a transparent transparent.

What did the blonde haired, blue eyed soldier become when he left the army?

A veteran a**....

"Did you hear about that actress who stabbed her husband in the news today?"

"Oh my goodness, no, who was it?"
"It was a little blonde haired woman, I always forget her last name though. The first name is Reese."
"No, with her knife."

Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...

No, with a knife.

What did the orange haired man say to the crowd?

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl

What's the difference between a plastic bag and a blue haired girl
It takes a plastic bag thousands of years to break down but blue haired girls can breakdown in a second.

A man approached Captain Von Trap and said, "No offense, but is that short haired blonde single?"

"Nun taken."

What do you call a long haired s**... that does the things he tells others not to do?

A hippie-crite!

What did the blonde haired say when they were being too harsh?

Next time I'll smarten up enough to dye my hair and act gentel!!!! 😫😰😨😭😱

I was on OkCupid and a girl said "Blonde haired immigrant here to steal your jobs."

I was like hahaha jokes on you. I don't have a job...
Dang it.

I was on the Moon, running out of air

So I opened my packet of lays.
And yeah, the view from here is good. I can see Dave too. Who is the orange haired guy he is talking to?

I asked a blonde haired, blue eyed soldier what he wanted to do after the military...

He said he just wants to get back home.
He wants to be a veteran a**....

What do you call a white haired mammal from the North pole who immigrates to the South pole in search of s**... enlightenment?

A bi-polar bear.

I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country.

Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead.

On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car c**....

When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd step and also fell off. Finally, the blond head reached the 100th and then suddenly bursted into laughter.
God asked, Why did you laugh? You almost made it!
To which the blond replied, I just got the first one.

Pinwheel Smith

A woman arrives at the Pearly and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" She answers, "Smith." Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She responds, "His name is John Smith." Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She answers, "He's got red hair." He replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?" She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!" Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says "please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbour asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Three blondes were stuck on an island

Three blonde women are stuck on an island. Together, they find a genie lamp and give it a rub. Sure enough, out comes the genie, who offers each of them one wish.
The first blonde woman says, "I wish I was smarter." The genie turns her into a brunette, and she swims off the island.
The next blonde woman thinks for a minute and tells the genie, "I wish you made me even smarter than you made her." The genie turns her into a black haired woman, and she builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde woman says, "I wish you made me smarter than both of them!" The genie then turns her into a man, and she takes the bridge off of the island.

Haired joke, Three blondes were stuck on an island