Haircut Jokes
131 haircut jokes and hilarious haircut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haircut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out this hilarious collection of the best haircut jokes! From bad haircuts to the classic hairpiece, these jokes are sure to keep you entertained. Enjoy a hair-raising good time!
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Funniest Haircut Short Jokes
Short haircut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haircut humour may include short hair style jokes also.
- My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"
- It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week. I told him it's growing on me.
- I understand now why women have long hair If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.
- It takes a big man to admit he's wrong, but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . . Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)
- Wife: Honey, how do you like my new haircut? Husband: Can I be honest? Wife: Sure. … Husband: I slept with your sister.
- What did the left leg say to the right leg? Between me and you, we need a haircut.
(I got this from some UK magazine years ago) - Thought I saw my first super hero today.... He was sprinting down the street wearing a cape....
Turns out, he hadn't paid for his haircut. - What's a bee's favorite haircut? A buzzcut.
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Haircut One Liners
Which haircut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haircut? I can suggest the ones about hair bang and hairdresser.
- Where do sheep get their haircut? At the Bah-Bah-Shop
- What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? A Barbecue.
- Which haircut would cost you the most? Chemotherapy
- What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please.
- What haircut contains bullets? Ammohawk.
- What call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barbeque
- I'm never satisfied with my haircuts at first... ...but then they grow on me.
- I thought I hated my haircut But it's starting to grow on me.
- I got a haircut recently I didn't like it at first, but now it's growing on me.
- If you see someone crying, ask: Is it because of your haircut?
- At first I hated my new haircut Then it grew on me
- Which is the Most Expensive Haircut? Chemotherapy.
- Where does a sheep go for a haircut? The baa-baa shop.
- What's the most expensive haircut in the world? Chemotherapy.
- What the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy
Haircut Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny haircut up jokes and even better haircut up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Love me do" was written by John Lennon... After he got a really nice haircut
- Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building! Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!
- Where are all these sheep getting their haircuts? At the baa-baa shop
- What does the moon do when it needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early. - When I first got a haircut, I thought it was way too short, But it's really growing on me.
- At first I hated my new haircut... but it's growing on me.
- How does the moon get a haircut? Eclipse it
- A man didn't like his haircut But it started to grow on him
- I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".
He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!". - Where does a sheep go to get his haircut? The baa-aaa-rber shop.
Shave Haircut Jokes
Here is a list of funny shave haircut jokes and even better shave haircut puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All this time I've been looking forward to when I can get a proper haircut again, and thinking I'll shave off this lockdown beard of mine. But over the past year, it's gradually grown on me.
- A man goes to a barber shop... "How much for a haircut?"
"$20" answers the barber.
"What about shaving?"
"$10"
"Okay, shave my head, please." - One day the queen wanted a haircut. No barber in England would do it.
Why?
Only God shave the Queen. - I went to a barber shop yesterday and couldn't believe the prices. A shave and a haircut there cost three bits.
- Robot Barber How much computer memory is required to build a robot that can give you a shave and a haircut?
Two bits.
Bad Haircut Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad haircut jokes and even better bad haircut puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I thought I got a bad haircut But it kind of grew on me
- What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American? A-patchy scalping
- If you ever get a bad haircut and your not sure how it looks on you. it'll grow on you
- Well, you know what they say about a bad haircut It grows on you
- I find that I can act more freely after I get a bad haircut It's like my barber let's my hair down
- I got a bad haircut and hated it But then it grew on me
- My friend got a pretty bad haircut I told him it would grow on him
Fun-Filled Haircut Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about haircut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair piece jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haircut pranks.
dumb blonde
A blond walk into a hair salon with headphones on and sits down in a chair. The blonde asks the woman working there for a haircut. The woman takes of the headphones and cuts the blondes hair. After she is finished she looks down and to her surprise finds the blonde dead. The woman puts on the headphones and hears this "Breathe in.....Breathe out.....Breath in.......Breath out"
A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.
After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""
A man and a boy go into a barbershop.
After getting his haircut, the man says, Now cut the boy's hair too. I'll be back soon.
When he's finished cutting the boy's hair, the barber says, When is your father coming back to pay?
The boy says, He's not my father. He met me in the street and asked if I wanted a free haircut.
Barber
So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"
Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...
There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.
Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night...
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look alright. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.
Politican sees the scottish barber
A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."
A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
Not everyone can brag about getting a h**... from their barber after a haircut...
But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.
I came up with this one during my haircut.
Barber: Sir, you are losing hair, your hair is thinning.
/*I sensed that im about to get some treatment suggestion*/
Me: So, are you planning for any discount on final bill?
She chuckled.
So, I went to go get my haircut..
And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.
He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"
And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."
Very few people can brag about getting a h**... from their barber after a haircut nowadays.
Then again, very few people cut their own hair.
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
I got a new haircut about a week ago.
It's starting to grow on me.
A joke my physics teacher told us
Student: "Did you get a haircut?"
Teacher: "No I got them all cut."
Dad, I just got a haircut, what do you think?
"Why didn't you get all of them cut?"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink, he begins to hear little voices saying nice things to him.
"Great tie, looks nice with those shoes."
"Swell haircut."
He asks the bartender about the voices, and the bartender replies, "Oh. It's the peanuts, they're complimentary."
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.
He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut?
Eclipse it.
Where does a sheep go for a haircut?
Replied with " at the baaaaaa baaaa shop"
I got a haircut and they cut it way too short
It started to grow on me though
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
After months of my dad asking if I am going to get a haircut, I tell him I'm keeping it. "Why?" He asks.
"It grew on me."
I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.
He only took off his trousers.
I don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year.
My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
A man walks into a barbershop
He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"
The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."
The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"
A man walks into a bar alone and sits down at the table. It's just him and the bartender, but out of nowhere he starts hearing these voices.
Hey there, like your shirt!
Sweet tie
Looking good with that haircut
Wow you're handsome
Blushing, but scared and confused, the man looks to the bartender and asks, Okay, am I going crazy or do you hear those voices too?
With a laugh the bartender replies, Oh, don't mind them. Those are just the complimentary peanuts!
How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?
Eclipse it.
The Physical act of love
[When the couple were about to make love]
girl : i want you to hurt me.
boy : your sister's more successful than you.
girl : wait,
boy : not a big fan of the new haircut.
girl : stop please stop, it really hurts.
Whats the most expensive haircut?
***Chemotherapy***
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
I didn't like my haircut at first
but it grew on me
Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..
Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?
A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.
One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.
The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"
\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.
Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. h**..., I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
Who knew hair weighed so much?!
Not many people can brag about getting a h**... from the barber after a haircut
but then again not many people cut their own hair.
Ba dum tiss.
When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.
When your u**... is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.
I got a haircut from an amputee barber
He did it single handedly
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
What did the . say to the ?
Nice haircut!
What haircut do rastafarian robots have?
Droidlocks
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Where does the sheep get her haircut?
A the Baa-baa shop.
A man an a boy walk into a barbershop
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
A guy goes into a bar in the middle of the day
It's quiet and practically deserted. He sits alone, thinking about the twists and turns his life has taken. He hears a soft voice:
"Nice tie"
He looks around but he doesn't see anyone. The voice speaks again:
"Great haircut. "
A few moments later:
"Congratulations on your promotion. "
He waves over the bartender to ask her if she hears anything. The bartender says: "That's the pretzels, they're complimentary."
An employee at a supermarket
An overworked and underpaid employee was stocking shelves at his local supermarket. Naturally, he was very tired and didn't care about anything going on around him. Out of nowhere, an old woman with a Karen haircut comes up to him and says "hey you, tell me what those little green things in the pods are called before I hit you so hard your children have bruises. I need these for my diet." The employee, wanting nothing to do with this lady, simply rolls his head around, makes direct eye contact with the lady and says, "b**..., peas".