Haircut Jokes
124 haircut jokes and hilarious haircut puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haircut that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out this hilarious collection of the best haircut jokes! From bad haircuts to the classic hairpiece, these jokes are sure to keep you entertained. Enjoy a hair-raising good time!
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Funniest Haircut Short Jokes
Short haircut jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haircut humour may include short hair style jokes also.
- My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"
- It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week. I told him it's growing on me.
- I understand now why women have long hair If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.
- Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . . Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)
- Wife: Honey, how do you like my new haircut? Husband: Can I be honest? Wife: Sure. … Husband: I slept with your sister.
- What did the left leg say to the right leg? Between me and you, we need a haircut.
(I got this from some UK magazine years ago) - Thought I saw my first super hero today.... He was sprinting down the street wearing a cape....
Turns out, he hadn't paid for his haircut. - Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building! Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!
- I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".
He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".
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Haircut One Liners
Which haircut one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haircut? I can suggest the ones about hair bang and hairdresser.
- Where do sheep get their haircut? At the Bah-Bah-Shop
- What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? A Barbecue.
- Which haircut would cost you the most? Chemotherapy
- What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please.
- What haircut contains bullets? Ammohawk.
- I'm never satisfied with my haircuts at first... ...but then they grow on me.
- I got a haircut recently I didn't like it at first, but now it's growing on me.
- If you see someone crying, ask: Is it because of your haircut?
- At first I hated my new haircut Then it grew on me
- "Love me do" was written by John Lennon... After he got a really nice haircut
- What does the moon do when it needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
- A man didn't like his haircut But it started to grow on him
- Dad, I just got a haircut, what do you think? "Why didn't you get all of them cut?"
- I got a new haircut about a week ago. It's starting to grow on me.
- What did the . say to the ? Nice haircut!
Haircut Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny haircut up jokes and even better haircut up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash.. Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?
- What haircut do rastafarian robots have? Droidlocks
- After months of my dad asking if I am going to get a haircut, I tell him I'm keeping it. "Why?" He asks. "It grew on me."
- My german friend must have really liked the haircut I gave him He kept yelling 9, 9, 9....
- I got a haircut from an amputee barber He did it single handedly
- I don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year. My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
- Did you guys hear about that guy who died? He was famous for giving sheep haircuts. Did that for over 25 years. They say he died from shear boredom.
- I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off. He only took off his trousers.
- A joke my physics teacher told us Student: "Did you get a haircut?"
Teacher: "No I got them all cut." - All this time I've been looking forward to when I can get a proper haircut again, and thinking I'll shave off this lockdown beard of mine. But over the past year, it's gradually grown on me.
Shave Haircut Jokes
Here is a list of funny shave haircut jokes and even better shave haircut puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man goes to a barber shop... "How much for a haircut?"
"$20" answers the barber.
"What about shaving?"
"$10"
"Okay, shave my head, please." - One day the queen wanted a haircut. No barber in England would do it.
Why?
Only God shave the Queen. - I went to a barber shop yesterday and couldn't believe the prices. A shave and a haircut there cost three bits.
- Robot Barber How much computer memory is required to build a robot that can give you a shave and a haircut?
Two bits.
Bad Haircut Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad haircut jokes and even better bad haircut puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you ever get a bad haircut and your not sure how it looks on you. it'll grow on you
- Well, you know what they say about a bad haircut It grows on you
- I find that I can act more freely after I get a bad haircut It's like my barber let's my hair down
- My friend got a pretty bad haircut I told him it would grow on him
Fun-Filled Haircut Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about haircut you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair piece jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haircut pranks.
dumb blonde
A blond walk into a hair salon with headphones on and sits down in a chair. The blonde asks the woman working there for a haircut. The woman takes of the headphones and cuts the blondes hair. After she is finished she looks down and to her surprise finds the blonde dead. The woman puts on the headphones and hears this "Breathe in.....Breathe out.....Breath in.......Breath out"
A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.
After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""
Barber
So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.
He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.
"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"
Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...
There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.
Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night...
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look alright. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.
Politican sees the scottish barber
A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not everyone can brag about getting a h**... from their barber after a haircut...
But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Haircut/s**... Correlation Jesus Joke
I got that I looked like Jesus a lot when I had longer hair. It's a shame because I got a haircut and have been getting nailed less than the messiah lately.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got a free haircut and h**... from my barber today.
Gotta love cutting your own hair.
I came up with this one during my haircut.
Barber: Sir, you are losing hair, your hair is thinning.
/*I sensed that im about to get some treatment suggestion*/
Me: So, are you planning for any discount on final bill?
She chuckled.
Doogie Houser isn't getting shorter when he gets a haircut
Neil Patrick hair is
I went to get a haircut today...
...but I couldn't remember what I wanted off the top of my head, so I left.
I don't know if I like my new haircut,
but it will grow on me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My haircuts are just like my s**... life
Usually do it myself and there's a big mess I hate cleaning up afterwards.
I was really hesitant about this new haircut at first....
...but I'm starting to like it you know. It's really growing on me.
Sorry I'll leave now.
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
what type of bird never needs a haircut
a Bald Eagle
I'm getting my haircut next week...
I'm dreading it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American?
A-patchy scalping
Can't believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut
Its much worse for me, I'm the one who's gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.
"You've had the same haircut since 1987. Will you at least think about changing it?"
"I don't know, I'll mullet over"
News: Trump would be honoured to meet North Korean dictator.
He's my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut. Said North Korea's dictator.
"Wow, John, that's an interesting haircut you got. Do you like it?"
"It'll grow on me."
What kind of food do you eat while waiting in line for a haircut?
Barberqueue
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.
He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
Youve heard of a dine-and-dash, but what's it called when you're getting a haircut?
A clip and dip.
I got a new haircut today.
It's really growing on me.
Why do people ask if you got a haircut when it's completely obvious?
I've been on chemo for over a year now and you just noticed?!
Not a fan of your haircut? Don't worry...
It'll grow on you.
Mohawk haircut was invented ...
by a barber who just wanted to align some sideburns
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What makes any haircut k**...?
Gang bangs.
How long does it take for people to compliment my haircut?
It's been 6 weeks already and no one's said anything. Should I continue to wait?
CUT TO THE PAST
Ian is a barber and one day after servicing a haircut, a customer instead of money, gives him a crystal sphere and Ian, not wanting to argue and especially liking the sphere, accepts it.
He presses the Sphere and suddenly he's transported to ancient Egypt with all the scissor and blades in hand.
The Greeks spot him and yell 'BarberIan'.
What's the worst thing to say when your girlfriend's had a haircut?
"Was it a trainee?"
Rapunzel got a haircut recently, but she wasn't happy afterwards.
She said the experience made her lightheaded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Physical act of love
[When the couple were about to make love]
girl : i want you to hurt me.
boy : your sister's more successful than you.
girl : wait,
boy : not a big fan of the new haircut.
girl : stop please stop, it really hurts.
What's an eagles favorite haircut?
A Mohawk.... hahahahahahahaaa
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave."
Haircuts are great
Because I did none of the work but get all the credit.
A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.
One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.
The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"
\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. h**..., I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
Who knew hair weighed so much?!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.
When your u**... is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
A man an a boy walk into a barbershop
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
