The Best 83 Haircut Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Haircut jokes. There are some haircut movember jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these haircut mohawk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Haircut Jokes and Puns

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

A man and a boy go into a barbershop.

After getting his haircut, the man says, Now cut the boy's hair too. I'll be back soon.

When he's finished cutting the boy's hair, the barber says, When is your father coming back to pay?

The boy says, He's not my father. He met me in the street and asked if I wanted a free haircut.

Barber

So a busy guy needed to get his haircut, but later found out he had a meeting right after.

He went into the barber shop where he was greeted warmly.
He sat down in a chair, and asked the barber if he could hurry up.

"I could, but I'd have to cut it a little short"

Haircut joke, Barber

Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...

There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.

Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night...

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look alright. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.


I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week.

I told him it's growing on me.

Politican sees the scottish barber

A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".

A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."

Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."

Haircut joke, Politican sees the scottish barber

"Love me do" was written by John Lennon...

After he got a really nice haircut

A barber asked a man how he wants his haircut

In silence

A man has a sore throat and goes to the doctor...

Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."

Patient: "I want a second opinion!"

Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."

I got a haircut recently

I didn't like it at first, but now it's growing on me.

You can explore haircut hair reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean haircut hairstyle dad jokes. There are also haircut puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man didn't like his haircut

But it started to grow on him

I thought I hated my haircut

But it's starting to grow on me.

Not everyone can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut...

But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

I came up with this one during my haircut.

Barber: Sir, you are losing hair, your hair is thinning.
/*I sensed that im about to get some treatment suggestion*/
Me: So, are you planning for any discount on final bill?

She chuckled.

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

A Barbecue.

Haircut joke, What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut?

So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.

He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"

And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

I don't know if I like my new haircut,

but it will grow on me.


How does the moon get a haircut?

Eclipse it

My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut

I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"

A teenager got his driver's license...

...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.

The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."

One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"

His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."

His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Clean Shave

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

I got a new haircut about a week ago.

It's starting to grow on me.

I got a haircut recently.

I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me.

At first I hated my new haircut...

but it's growing on me.

A man goes to a barber shop...

"How much for a haircut?"
"$20" answers the barber.
"What about shaving?"
"$10"
"Okay, shave my head, please."

What did the left leg say to the right leg?

Between me and you, we need a haircut.

(I got this from some UK magazine years ago)

What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American?

A-patchy scalping

A joke my physics teacher told us

Student: "Did you get a haircut?"

Teacher: "No I got them all cut."

Where do sheep get their haircut?

At the Bah-Bah-Shop

Which haircut would cost you the most?

Chemotherapy

Dad, I just got a haircut, what do you think?

"Why didn't you get all of them cut?"

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink, he begins to hear little voices saying nice things to him.
"Great tie, looks nice with those shoes."
"Swell haircut."

He asks the bartender about the voices, and the bartender replies, "Oh. It's the peanuts, they're complimentary."

I used to hate my new haircut...

But its kinda starting to grow on me.

A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.

A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.

Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.

A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

The Old Cowboy's Shave

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .

What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

At first I hated my new haircut

Then it grew on me

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?

Replied with " at the baaaaaa baaaa shop"

I got a haircut and they cut it way too short

It started to grow on me though

What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!

[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]

I understand now why women have long hair

If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.

After months of my dad asking if I am going to get a haircut, I tell him I'm keeping it. "Why?" He asks.

"It grew on me."

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong

It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

Not a fan of your haircut? Don't worry...

It'll grow on you.

I don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year.

My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on

I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".

He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"

The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."

The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"

Where does a sheep go to get his haircut?

The baa-aaa-rber shop.

A man walks into a bar alone and sits down at the table. It's just him and the bartender, but out of nowhere he starts hearing these voices.

Hey there, like your shirt!
Sweet tie
Looking good with that haircut
Wow you're handsome

Blushing, but scared and confused, the man looks to the bartender and asks, Okay, am I going crazy or do you hear those voices too?

With a laugh the bartender replies, Oh, don't mind them. Those are just the complimentary peanuts!

Rapunzel got a haircut recently, but she wasn't happy afterwards.

She said the experience made her lightheaded.

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

I really hated my new short haircut

But it's growing on me.

Haircut

A man and a little boy go into the barber's.
The man has his hair done and then sits the little lad in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.
Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your dad's forgotten you".
The little fella says, "He's not my dad, we just met outside and he asked me if I wanted a free haircut".

The Physical act of love

[When the couple were about to make love]

girl : i want you to hurt me.

boy : your sister's more successful than you.

girl : wait,

boy : not a big fan of the new haircut.

girl : stop please stop, it really hurts.

It's not everyday you can get a haircut and a hand job at the same time.

Then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

Whats the most expensive haircut?

***Chemotherapy***

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

I didn't like my haircut at first

but it grew on me

I thought I got a bad haircut

But it kind of grew on me

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn't like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..

Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?

What the most expensive haircut you can get?

Chemotherapy

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.

What's the most expensive haircut in the world?

Chemotherapy.

Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. Hell, I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!

Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut

but then again not many people cut their own hair.



Ba dum tiss.

Dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut!

Which is the Most Expensive Haircut?

Chemotherapy.

When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.

When your uterus is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.

I got a haircut from an amputee barber

He did it single handedly

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

It takes a big man to admit he's wrong,

but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut

He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . .

Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

Wife: Honey, how do you like my new haircut? Husband: Can I be honest? Wife: Sure. …

Husband: I slept with your sister.

What did the . say to the ?

Nice haircut!

Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!

Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the haircut chemo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working haircut stylist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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