Hair Jokes
179 hair jokes and hilarious hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your hair-raising routine just a bit more fun with these hilarious jokes about curly hair, pubic hair, and trips to the stylist. Laugh out loud at the funny stories of bad haircuts, unruly curls, and styling mishaps!
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Funniest Hair Short Jokes
Short hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hair humour may include short lashes jokes also.
- So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
- Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
- I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair" - My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me. - Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.
- Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke) Darth Braider
(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol) - My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
- I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
- Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
- Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair.
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Hair One Liners
Which hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hair? I can suggest the ones about heads and brush.
- All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.
- Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.
- What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence
* - My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!
- How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
- How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
- I have a huge phobia of hair. I dreadlocks.
- Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice. I hate being a dwarf.
- What is Pavlov's favorite hair product? Conditioner
- What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man
- How to get gum out of a child's hair? With leukemia.
- What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black? Artificial intelligence.
- Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it
- I wish I had emo hair So it would cut itself.
Back Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny back hair jokes and even better back hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive.
- So I told my girlfriend that she'd look better with her hair back... Which apparently is a very rude thing to say to a cancer patient.
- I told my girlfriend she'd look better with her hair back Apparently that's not an appropriate thing to say to a chemo patient
- I told my wife that she would look better with her hair back She was furious, apparently it's insensitive to say that to cancer patients.
- Just got back from visiting a lovely little place in Wales; Lloysthwycyyrigridarbrewwthh..... Sorry, there was a hair in my mouth - I went to Swansea.
- How do Bald people get their hair back? They have toupee.
- A cowboy goes to the barber. When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what? Pony gone.
- I told my wife that she would look better with her hair back and she started crying She's been so emotional since the chemo.
- My friend came back from vacation with long hair... ... and I wanted to make a joke about it, but I couldn't *comb* up with one.
- I told my wife she would look better with her hair back Apparently that is insensitive to say to someone on chemo.
Hair Blond Jokes
Here is a list of funny hair blond jokes and even better hair blond puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed... ...because they couldn't read them.
- What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
- What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.
- What is a blonde with dyed brown hair? Artificial intelligence.
- If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you... Gingerly
- Another blonde joke... SFW What do you call a blonde who dies her hair black?
Artificial intelligence.. - I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
- What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
- Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
- What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet? Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
Blond Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny blond hair jokes and even better blond hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye
- What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red? Artificial intelligence.
- Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
- I bleached my hair on my 18th birthday. "I guess now you're legally blonde," my dad chuckled.
- Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a child with blonde hair and blue eyes? I guess two Wongs really do make a white.
- why did the blonde use her hair dryer on the laptop? It was frozen
- FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES: A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."
- What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope
- What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.
- Blonde Jokes What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
artificial intelligence
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair red?
Selling her soul for intelligence
Blonde Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny blonde hair jokes and even better blonde hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How it is called when a blonde dyes her hair as brunette? Artificial intelligence
- A dumb blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon...
- So yesterday I told my wife that she would look better if her hair was blonde Apparently that's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient
- Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.
- Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm... Witherspoon?
No, with a knife. - Why do some blondes dye their hair? To gain themselves some artificial intelligence.
- How Do You Create Artificial Intelligence? Dye a blonde's hair.
- What did the blonde do after she combed her hair? .. She pulled her pants up.
- What did the midget say hugging the blonde's leg? Your hair smells nice
- What do blondes do after they comb their hair? They pull up their pants.
Curly Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny curly hair jokes and even better curly hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Curly hairs I was a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point.
The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently, it's Africa . - Did you hear about the guy who had a problem with his curly hair? He decided to finally straighten things out
- Where do men have the most curly hair? In Africa
- Where do women have short curly black hair? Fiji
- I told my friend that his curly brown hair closely resembles wool. He looked sheepish.
- At which place do mostly all men and women have curly hair? Namibia... but i like the way you think ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- Where do women have short black curly hair? Africa
- Where do women have tight black curly hair? Fiji
- Where have womans curly and black hair?
- where do people have curly hair? in africa.
Comical & Quirky Hair Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hair pranks.
Her: Wow, you know all the right moves in bed. How's about a second go but this time lose the hat
Ratatouille's Remy hiding in my hair: Tell her your head is cold
String
A piece of string walks into a bar and takes a seat.
The bartender says to the piece of string "We don't serve your kind around here!" and kicks the string out of the bar.
The string gathers his composure, messes his hair up, and ties himself in a knot. He then resumes his seat at the bar.
The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"
The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"
Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .
Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?
Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
Texas: The Miracle State
At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.
"Say, is this really a healthy place?"
"It sure is," the man replied.
"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."
"That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."
s**... harassment
The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of s**... harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.
What has 200 legs and four p**... hair?
The first row at a Justin Bieber concert.
A piece of string walks into a bar
A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to the counter.
The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."
Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.
He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"
"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
What shape is your hair in the morning?
A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)
Not everyone can brag about getting a h**... from their barber after a haircut...
But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.
A piece of rope walks into a bar...
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve rope here"
Rope walks outside, frizzes up his hair, and ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar.
Bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?"
Rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"
A man walks into a barbershop...
...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."
My girlfriend lost all her hair during chemotherapy and she was crying for hours.
I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."
My wife said she wanted to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey".
So I showed her a picture of her hair.
Did you hear about the narcoleptic hair stylist?
He dyed in his sleep.
Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?
The specific ocean.
Peter is different
A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
Why did the midget get slapped?
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
I found my first grey p**... hair today.
However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.
So my friend had some issue with his hearing....
My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."
My p**... hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months.
I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it
Suddenly he heard a voice...
"Nice tie." *Nobody was there except him and the bartender.*
"Really cool shirt, too." *He thought he must be losing his mind.*
"I like your hair that way."
He said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."
"Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary."
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......
I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.
I like my pizza like I like my women
Absolutely no p**... hair.
My first original joke.
What happens to a black mans hair when it feels nauseous??
It fro's up.
An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
A piece of string walks into a bar...
and tries to order a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here"
The string goes back outside, ties himself up, and messes up his hair.
The string goes back into the bar and orders again.
The bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string?"
"No," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot"
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
Boy wants a car from his Dad
the Dad says, "first you gotta cut that hair."
Boy says, "but Dad, Jesus had long hair"
and Dad says
"that's right son, and Jesus walked everywhere"
(credit goes to the band The Silver Jews)
Son, you're kind of like rapunzel.
But instead of letting your hair down you let everyone in your life down.
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
They both want to get there before the hair
"Honey, I think I'm ugly...."
So I pulled her infront of a mirror, stood right next to her and said:
"Darling, I mean look a that s**... smile, that beautiful hair and those eyes....Just wow. No wonder you feel ugly next to me!"
Which haircut would cost you the most?
Chemotherapy
I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.
Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.
What's the opposite of a Baldwin?
Hair loss.
Why do so many l**... have short hair?
They just get really excited about scissors.
Teacher asked kids to tell her what they liked the most about her and she would tell them who they would be when they grew up.
Sally : I like your hair teacher!
Teacher: well, you're going to be a hair stylist!
George : I like your teeth teacher!
T : Well, you're going to be a dentist.
Then little Johhny jumps out of his seat and yells : I already know what i'm gonna be!
T : well, tell us.
Johhny : A milkman!
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants?
So he could run his fingers through his hair!
They say that coconut water is good for hair.
Now, I understand why my p**... are growing like crazy recently.
Sometimes i just sit & run my fingers thru my wife's hair.
It's a nice way to tell her i love her.
And also that we're outta napkins.
I was talking to a girl in a bar last night
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Student walks into professor's office
She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"
Peter Dinkalage has been accused of s**... harassment.
He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.
I found my first grey p**... hair today
I just didn't expect it to be in my Big Mac
I dyed my hair...
I mean, I killed my rabbit.
The secret to Pavlov's hair?
Just a classical conditioner.
(I hope the name rings a bell)
Gorilla
A young girl hit puberty and her body started to change. One day she noticed she was getting hair down there. She went to her mom confused and the mom explained that's your gorilla and it's getting hair. Very excited the young girl went to her older sister and exclaimed my gorilla is getting hair! . The older sister looked at her and said that's nothing, my gorilla is already eating bananas.
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..
At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
I found my first grey p**... hair today.
It wouldn't have bothered me but it was inside my Big Mac.
Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear
He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot
I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.
I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
