Hail Jokes
96 hail jokes and hilarious hail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Say hail and farewell to the punchline with hail jokes! Take a break from the raindrops with puns about hail, heil, and tornadoes! Laugh out loud at these silly jokes that involve hail in some way, and feel free to spread the laughter.
Funniest Hail Short Jokes
Short hail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hail humour may include short salute jokes also.
- The devil asked his resident weatherman what the forecast was for the week ahead... "Hail, Satan"
- I've spent the day in a German police station. Word to the wise… Don't go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.
- I asked a priest why I couldn't just say a bunch of Hail Marys before committing a sin Apparently the church isn't a fan of anything Pre-Marytal
- When the Romans landed in Britain... When the Romans landed in Britain,
The weather proved a teaser!
The emperor asked "Could this be rain?",
But the answer was "Hail, Caesar" - To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election! It's called President Evil.
- What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast? "Hail, Caesar"
- Ever hear about the Roman general who had a fit every time there was cold weather? Hail.. seizure
- In a tundra, a man was trying to shelter himself from the weather It was hurting like hail.
- I saw a synopsis and some abstracts shot down in a hail of bullet points. I guess it was a summary execution.
- Did you hear about the Sheep who wanted to become a Jedi? He hailed from the Dagobaaaaaaah system.
Share These Hail Jokes With Friends
Hail One Liners
Which hail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hail? I can suggest the ones about praise and greet.
- Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
- What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi.
- I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain but it hurt like hail.
- what did the cloud say to the atmosphere? what the hail was that?!
- What did the rain say when it was too cold What the hail
- Today I went outside and I shouted, "Hail Satan!" Satan: Nah, I'm pretty sure it's sleet.
- Ice started to fall from the sky the other day... Oh hail no.
- What did the Italian say after the hail storm? "My car! issa Al Dente."
- Why didn't Jesus make the basketball team? Because he only throws Hail Mary's.
- What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land? "Aw *hail* naw!"
- I'm making it hail! Said the man throwing coins at the strippers
- Have you ever got hit by frozen rain? It hurts luke hail.
- What do you call a hail damage repair expert? A dentist.
- What's the kings favourite weather? Hail.
- An Asian buffet manager started looking for new staff... Her name was Hai-Ling Nao.
Hail Mary Jokes
Here is a list of funny hail mary jokes and even better hail mary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did the Catholic priest make one team lose the Superbowl? He told the quarterback to do 20 hail Marys.
- During confession I told my priest I'd been shooting up a designer drug called "Jesus Christ". He said "Ten Hail Mary's. Thou shalt not take god's name in vein."
- It's not that I'm praying that Katy Perry has a wardrobe malfunction but... Let's just say it's another time a Hail Mary is applicable to football.
- What's Notre Same football's favorite play? A Hail Mary.
Hail Storm Jokes
Here is a list of funny hail storm jokes and even better hail storm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you drive a german compact car through a hail storm? A volkswagen Golf ball.
- Bad weather? FEMA representative: During the last storm did you receive any damage to your property?
Homeowner: Hail, yes. - My mother always used to tell me not to go outside when there's gonna be a storm... She said it would all go to hail.
Hilarious Fun Hail Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about hail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean applause jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hail pranks.
How Worcestershire Sauce got its name
In the late 1800s in New Orleans a chef in a restaurant had just whipped up a concoction to be applied to meat and he asked a waiter to take it out to a well-lubed patron for a test. The diner was of course most agreeable and added quite a bit of it to his cut of beef. Upon tasting it, he rather liked it and turned around to hail the waiter by clumsily calling out, "Hey, whorsh diss'here sauce??", and so the name was thereupon given.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are two words that can ruin a camp?
Hail h**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in a small town goes to confessional...
and tells the local priest, "Father, forgive me, for I have slept with a loose woman."
The priest thinks for a moment and says, "Well, son, was it Mary?"
"No Father."
"Hmm," the priest continues, "was it Fiona?"
"No, no father," the man replies.
"And was it Anne?"
"No, father."
After a pause, the priest says, "Give me one our fathers and two hail marys, and all will be forgiven."
The man exits the confessional and slides in next to his friend on a pew.
"So," the friend asks, "what'd the father give you?"
"Well, I got one our fathers, two hail marys, and three good leads."
**source**: Prairie Home Companion
Tommy goes to confession and tells the priest...
Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
Is that you, Tommy? says the priest.
Aye, it is, Father.
Who is it you were with, Tommy?
I'd rather not say, Father.
Was it Bridget?
No, Father.
Was it Colleen?
No, Father.
Was it Megan?
No, Father.
Well, Tommy, say four Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.
When Tommy gets outside, his friend Pat asks him how it went.
Terrifc, says Tommy. I got four Our Fathers, four Hail Marys,
and three great leads!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is taking confession when a woman confesses to giving head...
The priest doesn't know what head is but he figures it's bad if it is something she's confessing to, so he gives her a couple of Hail Marys and an Our Father.
Later that day the priest is contemplating his day in the rectory garden when he sees a nun. He can't get this "head" out of his head, so he asks the nun, "Sister, can I ask you a question? What's head."
"Same is in town, Father, $20"
Confession
Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day
...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."
Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."
And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"
And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."
A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".
"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.
Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."
"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."
Later, The father is in his office having a discussion with one of his parishioners, when in walks a tall redhead wearing an emerald green dress, a big green hat, and matching green shoes. She doesn't say a word, but sits down in a chair with her legs apart. Both men can clearly see that she's not wearing any underwear. She sits there smirking until the father regains his bearings and asks the parishioner "Is... Is that Kitty Greene?"
The parishioner says "No, i think that's just the reflection from her shoes."
confession
1. A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...
Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes into confession...
Man - "Father I have sinned. I had s**... out of wedlock."
Father - "Oh that is bad. Who was it with?"
Man - "Oh no, I don't want to say who it was."
Father - "Well was it Mary?"
Man - "No no sir it wasn't Mary."
Father - "Well than it must've been Susie."
Man - "No father it wasn't Susie. I don't really want to say."
Father - "Ok just go ten hail Marys then you should be ok."
The man goes outside and sees his friends waiting for him.
Friends - "How was it?"
Man - "Not bad, I got two great leads!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whilst at college I did experiment with m**....
I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.
^-- ^Ed ^Byrne
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's okay to smoke w**...
It's okay to smoke w**... in the rain,
but don't in hail
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a church confession booth ...
"Father, I have a confession to make; I had a t**... with two hot teachers."
"Well my son, we all have our transgressions. I want to you say 10 Hail Mary's".
"Father I can't do that, I'm Jewish !"
"Then why are you telling me this ? "
"Father, I'm telling EVERYBODY"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
he can't because he is Jewish
a man saw a priest and said: 'Father i have sinned!' the priest asked what the mans sin was. the man said: 'i'm 86 yrs old and i had s**... with a 26 yr old girl!' the priest told the man to go home and say 6 hail Mary's. the man says he can't because he is Jewish. the priest asks: 'so why are you telling me?' the man says: 'I'm telling everyone!'
What do the North Koreans say when tgey see Kim Jong Un?
Hail mighty shitperor.
An Irishman's Confession...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
"I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box and, according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
FACTS OF LIFE
A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in the big city. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several s**... dressed women loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, c'mon lady. Tell your daughter the truth, for crying out loud. They're h**...!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun goes to confession....
A nun goes to confession. She tells the priest, "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have not worn p**... under my dress for about 3 years ".
The priest replies,"no problem my dear, just say 5 Hail Mary's and do a few cartwheels on the way out".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... once asked the Germans if it was raining in their place
The Germans replied "No, it's hail h**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... decides to hire a weather forecaster
[h**...] what's the weather looking like today?
[Forecaster] Hail, h**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do only the finest South Pacific neckbeards hail from?
M'laysia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to confession, tells the priest she has deviant s**... thoughts...
She says she cant help these s**... thoughts and doesnt know what to do. It has gotten so bad she even stopped wearing p**.... The priest says, "ok my child. I want you to do 10 hail marys 5 our fathers and 43 cartwheels."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was once an avid s**... of w**......
I did w**... everywhere
I did it in rain
I did it in snow
But I did not, in hail.
What happens when it hails in Overwatch?
JUST ICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to church
And tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife."
The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?"
The man says "Well, me and the woman were n**... but we just rubbed against each other."
The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say five Hail Mary's and put $100 in the donation pan."
The next time the priest sees the man he is infuriated "You didn't put $100 in the pan!"
The man looks at the priest disgusted and says "I rubbed the money against the pan, and rubbing is the same as putting it in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy goes to confessional...
Boy: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 1 week since my last confession."
Father: "What is your sin?"
Boy: "Fornication with a girl in the parish."
Father: "What girl?"
Boy: "I won't say"
Father: "Was it Sally?"
Boy: "I'm not telling!"
Father: "It was Jane, wasn't it."
Boy: "I'm not going to say!"
Father: "It had to be Jessica"
Boy: "Father, I'm not going to tell you!"
Father: "Fine. Do 3 Hail Mary's and sin no more."
Boy leaves confessional and returns to a friend who is waiting for him on the pew.
Friend: "How'd it go in there?"
Boy: "Went great! I got three new leads!"
Caesar comes across a problem
During Julis Caesar's campaigns against the Germanic tribes, he came across never before seen weather, it came crashing down on the men and stalled exit of the most recently conquered villages.
Amazed by this, he asks one of the local what it is.
"Hail, Caesar" The man replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kleptocracy
In Trump's new administration what tune will they play when Trump enters the room?
Hail to the thief.
How do you keep Haile Selassie I warm?
A Jah-Koozie
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call anti-Semitic snow?
Hail h**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"
"Hail, h**..."
A Viking is arguing with his wife
"It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"
What did Captain Kirk say when he decided to dabble in devil worship?
Uhura, hail Satan.
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hailing a taxi must look a lot like trying trying to pick up a p**....
Every time I try, a taxi pulls up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Allies prototype ice bomb from World War Two?
It was called "Hail h**...".
There is a guy who wakes up at 5 am and rides a bicycle until noon every weekend
There is a guy who wakes up at 5 am and rides a bicycle until noon every weekend. He does this no matter what - regardless of rain, snow, or thunder.
One day, however, the conditions are just too bad for him to ride his bike. There is a thick hail, brutal winds, and very slippery ice patches. Finally, after an hour, he decides to go home.
He lies down next to his wife, who is asleep and says: "The weather is terrible outside."
Half awake the wife replies: "And to think that my idiot husband is outside riding his bicycle."
(my 80 y old grandpa's joke)
So, Julius Ceaser was afraid of storms but one night he had to go out.
A big storm was brewing, he ordered one of his minders to go out and report the weather to him. Upon his return he was asked " so was it raining?" To which his minder reported " all hail Ceaser"!!
Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...
He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"
The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".
Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"
...
...
"It's horrible."
"Agree."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do the people of Arendelle adress Queen Elsa?
"All **hail** the queen!"
*address (typo in the title)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the r**... say when it started to rain ice?
*"What the hail?"*
i'll ^see ^^my ^^^way ^^^^out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the German general say to the fuhrer when ice chunks started to damage the planes?
Hail, h**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 Nuns go to confession. (Semi-n**...)
The first nun says "Father, I have sinned, I have not been not been going to church every Sunday"
The priest says, "Alright that will be 5 hail mary's and God will forgive you."
The second nun says "Father, I have sinned, I have not been performing my duties with charity work since I became a nun"
The priest says, "Alright that will be 5 hail mary's, and 5 our fathers and God will forgive you."
The third nun says "Father, I have sinned, I have not been wearing p**..., and I have been having s**... urges"
The priest says, "Alright that will be 5 hail mary's, and 5 our fathers, and five cartwheels and God will forgive you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a confession booth claiming he has a tendency to be involved in a lot of b**... type things...
His punishment was 30 Hail Mary's.
What happens when the temperature drops during a torrential rain?
The weather goes straight to hail.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teenage boys
Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having s**... with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks, 'It wasn't Mary Jones, was it?' The boy says 'No, Father it wasn't'. The priest asks' 'Was it Angela Brown?'. The boy replies 'No, Father. it wasn't. 'It wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?' The boy says 'No father it wasn't' The priest gives up and says 'Well for your penance say fifty Hail Mary's and leave half your pocket money in the poor box.' When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. He replies 'Not bad, a $5 fine and three great leads!'
