Habit Jokes
117 habit jokes and hilarious habit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about habit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want to make your friends laugh? Check out these funny habit jokes! From bad habits like unconsciously darning socks to a nun's habit of praying, these jokes will have you in stitches. See if you can guess the punchline of each joke, and get ready for lots of laughs!
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Funniest Habit Short Jokes
Short habit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The habit humour may include short routine jokes also.
- My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits... They Pulp Fiction.
- Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on... because you know what they say about old habits...
- As get older, I've developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam. It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.
- I found a new way to stop my girlfriend from picking up bad habits or doing anything that annoys me, I just have to say.. ..."this is turning me on"
- Did you hear about the nun who was caught with cannabis sewn into her robe? She had a drug habit.
- Do you really have to lick the knife? she asked. Sorry, force of habit. Lots of people do it though, don't they? I said. Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.
- Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same roles. You know what they say about old habits.
- I saw a Nun with her clothes inside-out today... I asked her about it, and she said it was *a bad habit of hers*
- My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.
- I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician... ...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.
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Habit One Liners
Which habit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with habit? I can suggest the ones about fitness and living.
- My friend has a habit of dropping things. It's getting out of hand.
- Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit
- Why do Nuns always wear Black & White? No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.
- What did the nun wear to the casino? Her gambling habit.
- Is it alright to kiss a nun? Sure, as long as you don't get into the habit.
- Why did they kick the nun out of the convent? She always had a dirty *habit*.
- As a rule, I don't drink. But, as a habit I do.
- What do you get when you cross a Jedi with a nun? a force of habit
- What do you call a group of armed nuns enforcing the status quo? a force of habit
- I can't stop sniffing glue It's a habit that just sticks
- I asked a nun why she wore the same costume everyday. She said, "It's a habit."
Sorry - My father-in-law's favourite joke. You can kiss a Nun but don't get into the habit.
- I can't stop making nun jokes. Sorry, it's a habit.
- What do you call it when a nun sins regularly? Bad habits
- what do you call a Nun with Jedi powers? A force of habit
Nun Habit Jokes
Here is a list of funny nun habit jokes and even better nun habit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the nun who's obsessed with Lincoln Park? She's fine, she's going to be breaking the habit tonight
- Did you hear about the nun who got addicted to knitting? She said that needles were habit forming.
- Some people think it's weird that nuns wear basically the same clothes everyday. But to them, it's a habit.
- Why do nuns wear the same outfit every day? It's a habit.
(I made this one up. I doubt I am the first to do it. ) - Did you hear about the priest who got caught kissing a nun? He was let off with a warning not to get into the habit.
- What do you call the shack where all the halfling nuns wearing too small shoes live? The hobbled habited hobbit habitat.
- Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again I guess she's just in the habit.
- A priest was scolding a nun for exposing herself to the congregation multiple times... She replied with: "I can't help it, I have a bad habit."
- Why was the nun kicked out of the convent? She had a dirty habit.
- Why didn't the dyer color the hundred-year-old nun's
garments? Because old habits dye hard.
Bad Habit Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad habit jokes and even better bad habit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have the bad habit of asking internet strangers for advice Do you guys have ideas on how I can stop doing this?
- My nun friend has started to wear holely clothes recently. I think she is getting into a bad habit.
- What do you call a Nun that bites her nails? A bad Habit.
I'll see myself out. - Ever year after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits. I can do it, because I have lots of cold turkey.
- A nun teaching at a Catholic school frequently shows up to work in normal clothes because of how poorly-made the set of religious clothing she was given is. It's a bad habit.
- Why did the nun swear when she got her new outfit? It was a bad habit.
- I've got a really bad habit. It's telling people my flaws.
- Did you hear about the nun that bites her nails? You can say she has a bad habit.
- Define the lecturer Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer?
Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping. - Why did the nun never change her clothes? It was a bad habit.
Witty Habit Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about habit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cult jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make habit pranks.
Why do nuns wear fancy l**...?
Sheer habit.
Two homosexuals bumped into each other one day in Bondi Junction.
After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"
When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.
Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just s**... on a lifesaver."
Replied his friend, "Well - lucky you live near the beach."
Why was the Nun admitted to rehab....
Because she had a habit!
I'll just show myself out
Mother superior is doing the orientation ...
of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
Pregnant Woman
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of s**... his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop s**... his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
I have a bad habit of screaming during r**... exam.
It really makes my patients nervous.
I think my wife has a habit of walking in her sleep
Every morning I find her sleeping in someone else's bed.
I've decided to get help with my drug habit.
I've managed to convince some friends to give me bulk discounts.
People in my office have this strange habit of naming their food...
Yesterday, I had a sandwich named "Michael".
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
My parents are really against my candlemaking habit.
One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia.
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
There once was a poet named Stan...
...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into the last line as I possibly can!"
My wife asked me why I only play one car based video game?
It's a Forza habit.
Do you really have to lick the knife!? she asked with a disapproving frown. Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit. I said, chuckling. Lots of people do it though, don't they?!
Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.
What is a line you can use in a job interview and during s**... also
I have a habit of coming early
Dressing like a nun seems like something I'd like to do, but I've heard it's addictive
and I don't want to get into the habit.
My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after s**....
I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.
RIP Rodney.
My fridge has an annoying habit to make noise if I leave it open too long
I wish it would just chill
One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
My friend has a habit of taking blurry pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror after taking hot showers...
I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.
Do you really have to lick the knife? she growled angrily. Sorry, force of habit. I chuckled. Lots of people do it though, don't they?
Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.
My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.
Because that's where I draw the line
My father told me you can kiss a nun once
or twice. But don't get into the habit.
My dad has taken to walking the streets of our neighborhood dressed as a nun.
We're trying hard to get him out of the habit.
I don't understand women...
One word out of place, just ONE word, and she's packing her b**... bags.
She asked me why I take my wedding ring off before s**.... I just shrugged and said "Habit".
Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland"
"Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..."
In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first.
I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
A man and his friend were talking about their New Year's Resolutions.
Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?
Man: Well of course! I've swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.
Friend: Neat.
Man: Scaled Mount Everest n**...!
Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?
Man: Well, there is one I still haven't completed.
Friend: And that is?
Man: Break my habit of lying......
I have a really bad habit of screaming at the top of my lungs during my r**... exam.
It makes my patients really nervous.
Heard of the nun that stole a fortune to fund her gambling habit?
The first clue probably should have been that she spent a fortune on a habit specifically for gambling.
For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste...
On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said:
Why did you stop brushing your teeth ?? !!!
Why did the nun become a stripper?
She didn't have a choice, she was just doing it out of habit.
News: Pope says men are now allowed to date nuns
...So long as they don't get into the habit.
Want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit?
Take up plumbing
A nun tried to kiss me...
and I said, "Woah, woah, woah, sister. I don't want to get into a habit."
I just got done talking to my therapist
He says I have a habit of insulting people who are just trying to help me.
What an a**...!
Church lady
There was a church lady who always was dressed very properly and always carried her bible with her. She had a bad habit of judging people and letting them know what she thought of them.
One day, she was riding on the crosstown bus and a drunk guy got on. There was only one seat left which was right next to the church lady.
She said to the man, you're a disgusting and smelly drunk. You're going straight to h**....
The man said Excuse me ma'am. I think I'm on the wrong bus.
For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about my not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "Why have you stopped brushing your teeth since a week ??"
Marriage is a social crime, I tell you.
A nun puts on and takes off her hair cover over and over and over.
It was her habit.
I keep getting tickets for speeding, but like they say...
...it's a hard habit to brake.
Be careful if you decide to sew nun uniforms
It's habit forming.
There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.
One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.
When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.
"All of that leather, and this was all you could make of it?!"
"Well, it may be a shaving kit now, but if you rub it a bit, it becomes an overnight bag, and if you rub it a lot, it becomes a two-suiter."
I saw a nun wearing a concrete dress.
That's a hard habit to break.
Two things that I don't like about myself are procrastination and the habit of forgetting things.
But the good thing is that I don't procrastinate.
An Accountant's secret to success.
An accountant in a big firm had a very strange habit. Every morning he used to open his drawer, look at a paper, place the paper back in the drawer and then lock it again.
The trainees were very curious and often wondered if his success was hidden on that piece of paper.
So one day, when the accountant was out, the trainees decided to break the lock. When they broke the lock & took out the paper, it read:
'LEFT IS DEBIT AND RIGHT IS CREDIT'
My college roommate had this weird habit of yelling at his drugs before he consumed them.
It wasn't nice… to witness substance a**....
I have an annoying habit.
I tend to use long words I don't know the meaning of in an attempt to sound superfluous.
