The Best 100 Gym Jokes
Get pumped with jokes about gym class, teacher and junkies, that every gym bro can learn and tell while workout. Maybe you need something funny to relax and get motivation for New Year's resolutions. Fortunate you are that we have lifting joke, weight loss one liners and many other gym related jokes.
Top 10 Funniest Gym Jokes and Puns
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.
I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'
The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up
that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
This idiot on the treadmill at the gym.
Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
I signed up for a gym membership this year.
So far I've managed to lose £200.
I just joined a gym for religious minorities.
Jehova's Fitness
Why do some couples not go to the gym?
Some relationships don't work out...
I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
Why doesn't where's Waldo go to the gym
Because no one can spot him
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today
That's 7 years in a row now
I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...
I guess we just weren't working out.
You can explore gym exercise reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gym gymnastic dad jokes. There are also gym puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
At the gym
I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies? He smiles says Try the ATM in the lobby .
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To build up it's pecs.
(apologies in advance. I made this up).
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
I just quit my job at the gym because I wasn't big or strong enough
I've handed in my too weak notice
I proposed to my girlfriend at the gym and she said "no."
I guess it didn't workout.
I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!
The only problem is I'm British...
The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...
It's really great how they notice my effort.
I have Abs
olutely wasted my gym membership.
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
I regret joining the gym recently..
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym...
"It's a little fit bunny...."
A man takes off his shirt in the gym.
A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!
I'v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress...
I think I need to go personally to see what 's going on
Today is my first day at the gym.
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."
It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress
I'm going there in-person to see what's going on
Why did the priest go to the gym?
For muscle mass.
I thought of this one in the shower this morning.
I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"
Bench Bros...
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
I'm starting a new business tomorrow.
It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today
Guess I should've prepared whey in advance
I just saw some idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I go to the gym so infrequently
I still call it James
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today.
She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
I'll escort myself out.
Marriage
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
Got fired from my job at the gym...
Apparently I just wasn't working out.
Finally I am the hottest guy in my gym.
I have 102 °F fever.
I exercise religiously
I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
An old man goes to the gym...
An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"
There's a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.
It's really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.
I guess we aren't going to work out.
When I was at the gym, I asked the trainer, which is the best machine to hit to attract a woman?
He pointed outside and said The ATM
The police were called to a female gym...
The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it
Overheard this one from some old guys getting changed at my local gym.
"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "
A man was trapped under a bench press
A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says "I need to get something off my chest"
Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.
Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life
There's a new machine at my gym.
I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...
It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!
I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls
Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.
I do resistance training every day
It's called refusing to go to the gym
My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.
They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
Best Way To Impress a Girl..
Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
Just got a repressed memory foam mattress,
it holds me just like my gym teacher did
Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage.
He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.
New machine at the gym
There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.
Why do uber drivers skip the gym?
Because they don't even lyft.
Gym bro #1: "Bro, we're out of protein powder."
Gym bro #2: "No whey..."
Google+ is like the gym of social networking.
We all join it, but nobody uses it.
A man asks a trainer in the gym
I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer answers, use the ATM
What's the best machine to impress women at the gym?
The ATM
My favorite machine at the gym?
The vending machine.
My first time in the gym went really well!
I did 20 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes on the defibrillator and 3 days in hospital!
My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.."
"it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?
He said, Try the ATM outside.
Kindergarten Blonde
A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"
Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."
What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?
Diddly squat
I went to a posh school.
In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.
Guy walks into a gym
He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.
The manager points to the ATM.
Why do you need patience at the gym?
Because there is a lot of weighting.
*sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.
There was a new machine at the gym...
After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...
Why was Sarah smiling at the gym?
Because Sarah tonin
I've been squatting at the gym.
I sleep in one of the lockers. So far I haven't been busted.
I'm like a ninja at the gym
Cause you'll never see me there
A man walks into a gym and kills everyone there brutally
After the investigation, the police state that the victims could only be described as ripped and shredded
Three women are changing at the gym when a man wearing nothing but a ski mask enters the changeroom and starts dancing in front of the women.
The first woman looks at the man and says, "I don't know who this guy is, but he isn't my husband!"
The second woman takes a closer look at the man. Then she turns to the first woman and says, "You are right. He isn't your husband."
The third woman takes an even closer look and says, "He's not even a member of this gym."
Been going to the gym now for 6 weeks and have noticed some huge improvements.
For one, they've fixed the water cooler.
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was
She replied, "to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same stupid joke."
I invited my girlfriend to the gym with me, but she stood me up.
I guess the two of us aren't going to work out after all.
I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.
Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.
I want to open a gym for people with fetishes.
It's a great idea in theory, but I'm still trying to work out the kinks.
Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
I tried to take my dog to the gym once
But it didn't work out
I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up.
Hopefully, she'll realize the two of us are not going to work out.
I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country.
There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.
I have a job as a gym instructor
But it isn't working out.
I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
Saw an amputee in the gym today..
Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?
A salt rifle
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
My first workout back at the gym was great.
I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.
As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.
"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.
The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."
Saw a new machine at the gym, but could only use it for 20mins before it made me sick
It was great... it had M&M's, Skittles, you name it!
I walked into my gf..
..having sex with her gym trainer
I told her this isnt working out.
In her defense, she said it was her cheat day.
You're so unfamiliar with the gym...
You call it James
I got kicked out of my gym in the middle of kickboxing class
Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.
I just broke up with my lazy gym buddy.
Didn't work out.
So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me:
What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both.
This guy came up to me in the gym.
He said, hey...what's your secret?
I said, I poo with the door open
How to spot a douchebag in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
Yo momma is so unfamiliar with the gym...
...she calls it James
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gym pilates jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working gym gymnasiumtreadmill piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.