I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
So far I've managed to lose £200.
Jehova's Fitness
Some relationships don't work out...
I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
That's 7 years in a row now
I guess we just weren't working out.
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies? He smiles says Try the ATM in the lobby .
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
The only problem is I'm British...
It's really great how they notice my effort.
olutely wasted my gym membership.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
I think I need to go personally to see what 's going on
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."
For muscle mass.
I thought of this one in the shower this morning.
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
Guess I should've prepared whey in advance
I still call it James
Apparently I just wasn't working out.
I have 102 °F fever.
I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"
It's really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.
He pointed outside and said The ATM
"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "
Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life
I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...
It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!
Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.
They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
It's called refusing to go to the gym
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.
I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library.
"I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was granted parole."
Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.
it holds me just like my gym teacher did
There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.
Gym bro #2: "No whey..."
Because they don't even lyft.
We all join it, but nobody uses it.
I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer answers, use the ATM
The vending machine.
The ATM
"it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"
Diddly squat
He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.
The manager points to the ATM.
In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.
Because there is a lot of weighting.
*sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.
After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...
Cause you'll never see me there
For one, they've fixed the water cooler.
Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.
It's a great idea in theory, but I'm still trying to work out the kinks.
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
But it didn't work out
Hopefully, she'll realize the two of us are not going to work out.
There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.
But it isn't working out.
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.
"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.
The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."
It was great... it had M&M's, Skittles, you name it!
A salt rifle
He sees a sign for a weight loss program which says, "Lose 5 pounds in one week!". Curious, he signs up for the program. He begins the program the next day and upon entering the designated area finds an attractive woman with a sign on her shirt that says,"If you catch me, you can have your way with me. You have 30 minutes." He chases her around the area for a week and sure enough loses 5 pounds.
Wanting to lose a bit more weight though, he decides to try the next level of the program. This program guarantees he'll lose 15 pounds in a month. He gets to the designated area and once again a smoking hot chick with a sign saying,"If you catch me you can have your way with me." Runs around while he chases her for 30 minutes. This goes on for a month and he loses 15 pounds.
Feeling extra confident and wanting to look his absolute best for a college reunion coming up in two months, he signs up for the highest level of the course. It guarantees he'll lose 50 pounds in 2 months. He gets to the designated area and upon closing the door turns around to see a 300 pound man of pure muscle with a sign that says the following:
"If I catch you, I have my way with you."
You call it James
Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.
A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde? the girl said. Yes, it's because you're blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.
He said, hey...what's your secret?
I said, I poo with the door open
Really bad so he hurts himself.
Air conditioning
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
...she calls it James
I'm glad they notice my effort.
He really just wants to work on his boxing skills. The gym rep gives him the grand tour. "Here are the raquetball courts which get quite busy" the rep says "and over there is the raquetball line". "That's nice" the man says "but I'm mostly interested in the boxing facilities".
The rep continues "Here are the treadmills which are all in use and there is the treadmill line". "Ok, ok" the man rushes "Can we get to the boxing stuff please?"
The rep moves along, "Here is the bench press area which is quite popular and you can see the line to use it. Over here is the basketball courts which are always packed and over there is the basketball line". Continuing, the rep describes "the steamy hot tub and pool which are in high demand and over there is the swimming line".
"OK OK!!" the man exclaims "I just want to punch the bags! Where is the line for that?"
"Oh, but that's no fun", the rep answers.
"Why not?" the man asks.
"There isn't any punch line."
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