Gym Jokes

What are some Gym jokes?

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'

The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

This idiot on the treadmill at the gym.

Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

I signed up for a gym membership this year.

So far I've managed to lose £200.

I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehova's Fitness

Why do some couples not go to the gym?

Some relationships don't work out...

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today

That's 7 years in a row now

I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym...

I guess we just weren't working out.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

At the gym

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies? He smiles says Try the ATM in the lobby .

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That's right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....


I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!

The only problem is I'm British...

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

I have Abs

olutely wasted my gym membership.

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

I regret joining the gym recently..

leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds

I'v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress...

I think I need to go personally to see what 's going on

Today is my first day at the gym.

I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."

Why did the priest go to the gym?

For muscle mass.

I thought of this one in the shower this morning.

I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"

Bench Bros...

Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"

Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today

Guess I should've prepared whey in advance

I go to the gym so infrequently

I still call it James

Got fired from my job at the gym...

Apparently I just wasn't working out.

Finally I am the hottest guy in my gym.

I have 102 °F fever.

I exercise religiously

I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.


Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*

An old man goes to the gym...

An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"

There's a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.

It's really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.

When I was at the gym, I asked the trainer, which is the best machine to hit to attract a woman?

He pointed outside and said The ATM

Overheard this one from some old guys getting changed at my local gym.

"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "

Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life

There's a new machine at my gym.

I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...

It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls

Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

I do resistance training every day

It's called refusing to go to the gym

i had it all

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. 

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.

I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library.

"I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was granted parole."

Best Way To Impress a Girl..

Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage.

He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

Just got a repressed memory foam mattress,

it holds me just like my gym teacher did

New machine at the gym

There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

Gym bro #1: "Bro, we're out of protein powder."

Gym bro #2: "No whey..."

Why do uber drivers skip the gym?

Because they don't even lyft.

Google+ is like the gym of social networking.

We all join it, but nobody uses it.

A man asks a trainer in the gym

I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer answers, use the ATM

My favorite machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

What's the best machine to impress women at the gym?


My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.."

"it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

Guy walks into a gym

He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.

The manager points to the ATM.

I went to a posh school.

In fact it was so posh, their gym was called James.

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting.

*sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

There was a new machine at the gym...

After using it for 30 minutes, I felt sick. Maybe I bought too many chocolate bars...

I'm like a ninja at the gym

Cause you'll never see me there

Been going to the gym now for 6 weeks and have noticed some huge improvements.

For one, they've fixed the water cooler.

I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.

Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.

I want to open a gym for people with fetishes.

It's a great idea in theory, but I'm still trying to work out the kinks.

Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

I tried to take my dog to the gym once

But it didn't work out

I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up.

Hopefully, she'll realize the two of us are not going to work out.

I saw an ad for a prison. Apparently they have the safest gym in the country.

There's an Olympic sports doctor there 24/7.

I have a job as a gym instructor

But it isn't working out.

I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...

But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.

Saw an amputee in the gym today..

Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

My first workout back at the gym was great.

I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.

Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.

As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.

"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.

The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

Saw a new machine at the gym, but could only use it for 20mins before it made me sick

It was great... it had M&M's, Skittles, you name it!

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

A man goes to a community gym...

He sees a sign for a weight loss program which says, "Lose 5 pounds in one week!". Curious, he signs up for the program. He begins the program the next day and upon entering the designated area finds an attractive woman with a sign on her shirt that says,"If you catch me, you can have your way with me. You have 30 minutes." He chases her around the area for a week and sure enough loses 5 pounds.

Wanting to lose a bit more weight though, he decides to try the next level of the program. This program guarantees he'll lose 15 pounds in a month. He gets to the designated area and once again a smoking hot chick with a sign saying,"If you catch me you can have your way with me." Runs around while he chases her for 30 minutes. This goes on for a month and he loses 15 pounds.

Feeling extra confident and wanting to look his absolute best for a college reunion coming up in two months, he signs up for the highest level of the course. It guarantees he'll lose 50 pounds in 2 months. He gets to the designated area and upon closing the door turns around to see a 300 pound man of pure muscle with a sign that says the following:

"If I catch you, I have my way with you."

You're so unfamiliar with the gym...

You call it James

I got kicked out of my gym in the middle of kickboxing class

Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.


A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde? the girl said. Yes, it's because you're blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.

This guy came up to me in the gym.

He said, hey...what's your secret?

I said, I poo with the door open

How to spot a douchebag in the gym?

Really bad so he hurts himself.

What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?

Air conditioning

Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.

It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.

Yo momma is so unfamiliar with the gym...

...she calls it James

Some guys at the gym called me a fat loser today

I'm glad they notice my effort.

A man is thinking about joining a gym.

He really just wants to work on his boxing skills. The gym rep gives him the grand tour. "Here are the raquetball courts which get quite busy" the rep says "and over there is the raquetball line". "That's nice" the man says "but I'm mostly interested in the boxing facilities".

The rep continues "Here are the treadmills which are all in use and there is the treadmill line". "Ok, ok" the man rushes "Can we get to the boxing stuff please?"

The rep moves along, "Here is the bench press area which is quite popular and you can see the line to use it. Over here is the basketball courts which are always packed and over there is the basketball line". Continuing, the rep describes "the steamy hot tub and pool which are in high demand and over there is the swimming line".

"OK OK!!" the man exclaims "I just want to punch the bags! Where is the line for that?"

"Oh, but that's no fun", the rep answers.

"Why not?" the man asks.

"There isn't any punch line."

How to make Gym jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Gym to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Gym? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Gym pick up lines to share with friends.

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