The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
It sounds like an Italian guy begging you not to kill someone named Gus.
I'm sorry. I'm high as shit and just ate some asparagus. My first original joke.
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
Cause you know he is actually guilty.
An Australian goes to new Zealand and sees a guy fucking a sheep on the side of the road, he says mate, in Australia we sheer our sheep. The new Zealand guy says, fuck off, I'm not sheering her with anyone.
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it's because you're drinking my fucking beer.
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
A guy in the back replies
You don't have enough bullets
I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.
I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
before he could finish his sentence.
So I turned around and said: "Thank you I've been doing squats"
Shout, I got money on that guy with the knife!
a black guy would probably rob me.
They both feel really good until you look down and realize you're gay.
The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it.
A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs.
The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher obliges. The girl says into the microphone, "I think I should get good with the cherry stem before I try anything smaller."
If a guy does it, he's gay. Definitely gay.
His underwear fits like a glove.
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."
Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board
how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Guy? Well, here are the best Guy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Guy pick up lines to share with friends.