Following is our collection of funny Guy jokes. There are some guy hey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these guy dude puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I heard he made a mint.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."
So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20.
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
You can explore guy someone reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean guy woman dad jokes. There are also guy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over
Cause you know he is actually guilty.
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
A guy in the back replies
You don't have enough bullets
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
I know he's a guy but he could've been Fe Male.
I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?
Police think it is race-related
before he could finish his sentence.
He asked me Ain't she beautiful?
I said If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife
He replied with Why, is she a stunner as well?
I said No, she's an optician
Cr
a black guy would probably rob me.
The first says, "My son is so successful, he's VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. "
The second says, " That's nothing, my son is CEO of his company and just gave his best friend a house."
The third says, "Well, my son owns 3 highly profitable companies and just gave his best friend a jet."
They look expectantly at the last guy who says, "My son is a gay escort who gets showered with love and admiration. He just got a car, a house, and a jet from three of his clients."
His underwear fits like a glove.
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board
how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?
He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...
He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.
His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"
The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "Only 75 cents."
He's a small arms dealer.
The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
It could happen.
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."
He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
It's not hard
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
He said, "There is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Bartender says "Three feet tall."
Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
There was no coffin at the funeral
The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"
All passengers got scared.
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, HI JOHN!
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the guy yeah jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working guy for guys piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.