The Best 16 Guru Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Guru jokes. There are some guru immensely jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these guru limitless puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Guru Jokes and Puns

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.

She agreed, and the guru had the best sex of his life with the woman.

Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.

Guru asks disciple - If there were two bags in front of you and I tell you one has money and the other has wisdom, which would you take?

Disciple: I would take the bag with the money.

Guru: (Sarcastic Laugh) I would take the bag with the wisdom.

Disciple: Each one takes what he doesn't have.

A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?

Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.

Guru joke, A disciple asked,  Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?

Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth?

The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

Where does the guru go after a long day of work?


What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?

Nothing. They'll find themself.

Guru joke, What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!


the guru was happily teaching math to the students at his home. He said

"5 sides --> pentagon"

"6 sides -->hexagon"

"8 sides -->octagon"

.....then suddenly, the guru got a sudden heart attack, he fell onto the ground making a loud "thud" sound and died on the spot. Hearing the sound, his wife came running from the other room and asked "what happened ?"

Guess what the students said ?

"--> gurugon"

A Spiritual guru met a prostitute in forest

the prostitute asked if he wanted to have sex with her. The guru agreed and they have the wildest sex.

After both of them get dressed, the Guru starts walking away from her. The prostitute stops him and asks..

Prostitute: "money?"

Guru: "C'mon, I won't take money from you"

How do you call an australian who is a spiritual leader and a ruler in mongolia ?

A Khan Guru

You can explore guru expert reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean guru adventurous dad jokes. There are also guru puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the guru look down upon his students?

They couldn't levitate.

Three gurus on top of a mountain sit in meditation.

One of them opens his eyes and whispers "Life...", then closes his eyes and keeps on meditating.
Seasons come and go, twenty years pass, then the second guru opens his eyes and whispers " suffering...". Then stops suddenly and dives deep into meditation again.
After another twenty years of meditation the third guru opens his eyes and says "C'mon guys, are we here for chitchat????"

What do you say to the skateboarding Guru?

Hey, that trick was really Sikh!

Terrible one-liner I came up with while on autopilot at work.

I'm not saying I'm a sex guru, but I know most of the ins and outs

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

Guru joke, Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the guru shiva jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working guru pundit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes