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Gunshot Jokes

52 gunshot jokes and hilarious gunshot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gunshot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Gunshot Short Jokes

Short gunshot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gunshot humour may include short shot put jokes also.

  1. Why don't kids play fortnite in school? It's hard to make out where the gunshots are actually coming from
  2. Back in the civil war, gunshot wounds used to be the most gruesome, awful way to die. Now it's considered kid stuff.
  3. Watching the olympic 100m is like witnessing a crime You hear a gunshot and a second after you see 8 black guys running away.
  4. Guns aren't lethal!!! I did a survey of people who got shot and the result was that gunshots have a 100% survival rate
  5. What do Detroit and the Olympics have in common? You hear a gunshot and see a bunch of black guys running
  6. I once killed 19 birds with one gunshot, people asked why didn't I round up to 20 Do you really think I would risk getting caught lying just for 1 bird ?
  7. What do you call a sitcom that takes place in a war zone? Minefeld
    *Plays Seinfeld theme with gunshots*
  8. I was at the farm with my friend when we chanced upon a cow with multiple gunshot wound My friend looked up and said "holy cow"
  9. In the city, you ignore sirens and listen for gunshots. In the country, you ignore gunshots and listen for sirens. In Detroit, you ignore both.
  10. My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it... Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.
    Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof.

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Gunshot One Liners

Which gunshot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gunshot? I can suggest the ones about gunman and shots fired.

  1. It was so quiet in Chicago during the last inning. You could hear the gunshots.
  2. What do you call a Mexican golfer with a gunshot wound? Hole in Juan.
  3. Where did the stalker go when he took multiple gunshot wounds to the abdomen? The ICU
  4. What's your favorite game as a resident of Chicago? Mine is "Gunshots Or Fireworks?"
  5. I changed my car horn to gunshots People get out of the way much faster now
  6. Gunshots Or fireworks?
  7. What do you call a dead journalist with 2 gunshots to the head? A Russian s**...

Gunshot Wounds Jokes

Here is a list of funny gunshot wounds jokes and even better gunshot wounds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sheriffs discover a dead black man in the woods... ... with 75 stab wounds and 36 gunshots to the chest. Sheriffs report it as the worst s**... they've ever seen.
Gunshot joke, Sheriffs discover a dead black man in the woods...

Unearthly Funniest Gunshot Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about gunshot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shooting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gunshot pranks.

Two hunters

Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"

Two guys were out hunting. . .

Two guys are out hunting and while they were walking one of them grabs his chest and falls forward
Panicked the other guy calls 911 and says I think my friend is dead . . .
The operator says "ok calm down first lets make sure he is dead."
It goes silent on the hunters end and then you hear a gunshot. . .
The guy gets on the phone and says "okay, now what?"

Two men go on a hunting trip...

One of them trips, hits his head on a rock, and passes out. The other man calls 911 and says "I think my buddy's dead!". The operator says "Make sure first." The man puts the phone down and the operator hears a gunshot. A second later the man says "Yah he's dead."

Two guys are out hunting

Two guys are out hunting and one of them falls down a ravine. The other one run down to him, can't find a pulse, and calls calls 911 and says "Help me my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" The operator says "That's okay just calm down I'm going to help. Now let's start by making sure he's actually dead." There's silence on the line and then a gunshot is heard. The guy comes back on the line and says "Okay now what?"

Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...

They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.
(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)

Two hunters are out in the woods...

One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

A father goes hunting...

A father goes hunting with his son. They are walking through the woods the son collapses. The father call 911 and tells the operator what happened. The operator tells him to make sure he is not breathing, a few seconds later the operator hears a gunshot. Then the father says to the operator "what next"

Did you hear about the 80 year old woman that tried to kill herself?

She was told that the most effective way would be to shoot herself through the heart, just below her left breast... She woke up in hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Two hunters are in the woods...

Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"

Two hunters are walking in the forest

One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"

Police talking on the radio...

* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

There are two hunters

Suddenly one of them collapses. He appears not to be breathing and his eyes glaze over. The other hunter panics and 911. The hunter says "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, make sure he's dead." A gunshot is heard on the other line. The hunter says, "Okay now what.?"

Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...

When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"

Two friends go hunting one day...

Suddenly, one of them collapses and does not seem to be breathing. The other pulls out his cell phone and calls the cops. He says, "Help. I think my friend is dead." The cop tells him, "Calm down. First of all, make sure he is actually dead." The cop hears a gunshot on the line and that person say, "Okay, what's the next step?"

Make sure that she is really dead

A doctor gets a phone call from his best friend, and the frantic voice at the other end says "God, oh God, my wife's dead! I shot her! What do I do!?" The doc tells his friend to calm down. "OK, now the first thing is, you have to be sure that she's really dead." He hears silence at the other end, then a single gunshot. "OK, what now?!"

A gorilla walks into a bar.

It gets 2 shots. One is v**... and the other one is a gunshot. Rip Harambe.

Two hunters are out in the woods...

When suddenly one of the men collapses. Shocked, the other man quickly calls 911 and exclaims, "Please help me, my friend is dead!".
The operator responds, "Sir try calm down, I need you to make sure your friend is actually dead"...
A few seconds later a gunshot can be heard through the call.
And the man says, "Okay, now what?"

A man calls a doctor

Man to Doctor : Help, my friend has fallen dead!
Doctor: First of all, make sure he's really dead
*sound of a gunshot*
Man: Ok, what do I do now?

Two men go out hunting…

Two men go out hunting and everything is going fine until one of them trips, falls on a rock, and becomes unresponsive. Thinking the man is dead, the other man calls 911 and the operator tells him to make sure the man is dead. The operator hears a gunshot and the man says "Ok, what now?"

Two men are in the woods...

One man completely drops dead, eyes completely white, and his heart stops, the other man freaks out, and calls 911, they say to "Make sure he is dead." A gunshot is heard and the man asks:
"Okay, what now?"

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. The other one calls '911' and the operator answers.
"This is 911, what is your emergency?" she says.
"Uh... My friend is dead I don't know what to do!" the man replies.
"Ok, calm down. Firstly, you gotta make sure he actually is dead", the woman says.
"Fine, give me 1 second"
*Gunshot fired*
"Ok, what now?" the man asks.

Dumb r**......

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a brief silence, followed by a loud gunshot. He get's back on the phone and says, Okay, now what?

Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

The 2024 Olympics should be held in Chicago.

So they can figure out which gunshot is the starting p**....

Bill and Bob go hunting. They split up, and Bob soon finds Bill with a snake bite in his neck.

Bob calls 911, and says I went hunting with my friend and I just found him dead with a snake bite on his neck! 911 says Ok, first let's make sure he's dead . A gunshot is heard. Bob says, Ok, now what?

Maybe a bit dark

Two friends go hunting, one of them passes out, and doesn't seem to be breathing. The other friend quickly calls 911. Help! he says. I think my friend is dead! . Calm down, the operator says. First, let's make sure he's dead . A gunshot is heard over the phone. Okay, the friend says. Now what?

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911.
"My friend isn't breathing," - he shouts into the phone, - "What should I do?"
"Relax," - the operator tells him, - "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says:
"OK, now what?"

A Hunter and his Friend go Hunting in the Woods. His Friend accidentally trips and hits his head.

The Man hurried to call 911.
911: 911, What's your Emergency?
Hunter: My Friend tripped and hit his head and he is not moving. What do I do?
911: Ok, Don't Panic. First, make sure if he is dead.
Hunter: Ok. *Long Pause* *Gunshot*
What Next?

A man calls 911

A man calls 911, frantically telling the operator that there has been a hunting accident.
"My friend tripped and dropped his shotgun. It went off, and he accidentally shot himself. He is bleeding, and I don't know what to do. I think he might be dead."
"Okay", the operator says. "Please try to stay calm. First, we need to make sure he is dead".
"Okay", the man says.
The operator listens to an extended silence, followed by a gunshot.
"Okay", the man says. "Now what?"

Two soldiers were at their post

When their commanding officer came over and said
" Alright boys there is a curfew tonight, anyone seen out past 10pm must be shot on site." The soldiers shook their head and obliged.
It hit 9:45pm and the commanding officer heard gunshot fire and came running to the soldiers to discover a man shot dead.
" What the h**... happened here! It's only 9:45!" Said the officer.
" Well sir I know where that man lives and there is no way in h**... he was making it home for 10!"

A man walks into a grocery store with a gunshot wound.

The grocer asks him if he needs a doctor.
The man says he just wants to know where the spice isle is.
Confused the grocer asks why and the man replies Because thyme heals all wounds.

Two hunters.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?

A teacher asks little Johnny a question...

-If there are five birds in a powerline and someone shoots one, how many birds are left?
-None because they will get scared away from the gunshot"
-Four but I like the way you think
-I have a question for you then. There's three women eating ice cream, one's s**..., one's l**... and one's biting. Which one is married?
-The one l**....
-No, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.

Two brothers are hunting in the woods...

One of the two brothers has a heart attack and passes out. So the other brother is worried and calls 911.
911: Whats your emergency?
Man: I think my brother just died. He's just collapsed and he's not breathing.
911: Can you make sure whether he is dead?
Man: sure.
*a loud gunshot can be heard over the phone*
Man: Done, what should I do next?

Two hunters walk through the woods...

Suddenly, one of them grabs his chests, grunts... and falls to the ground...
The other immediately takes out his phone and calls 911. He explains the situation to the operator and says his college is dead.
The operator says: "Are you sure? Is he really dead?"... silence
The operator then hears a gunshot... The hunter says: "Yeah, he's dead... What do I do now?"

Gunshot joke, Two hunters walk through the woods...

jokes about gunshot